What Unwed Fathers Should Know About Gaining Custody
Many fathers who are not or were never married to their child’s mother may think the likelihood of them obtaining custody is slim to none. The truth is unwed fathers can gain custody of their children through a suit affecting parent-child relationship, also known as SAPCR. SAPCR is also commonly referred to as a paternity suit. Petitioning the court for a paternity suit is the first step unwed fathers need to take to obtain custody or visitation with their children.
The outcome of the paternity suit, however, is not based on a procedure but more on many factors that a judge considers throughout the case. Judges look at a wide array of factors, most notably the relationship the father has with the child and any parenting concerns the father has regarding how the child’s mother is caring for or raising him or her. These factors play a major role in how the judge decides the case and whether the father gets the outcome he hopes for.
Filing a Paternity Suit
When an unwed father files a paternity suit, he is petitioning the court to provide him with access to his child, which is based on the idea that contact with both parents is within the child’s best interests. In this petition, the father can request custody, visitation, or both, but it is important to note that custody and visitation are not the same thing. Once the petition has been filed with the court, the father needs to ensure that the child’s mother is served with a notice that a petition has been filed.
Making a Custody Case
Fathers will want to hire an attorney to help build their custody case. If fathers have any concerns or evidence that the mother is improperly parenting the child, it is important they inform their attorney of these facts, including reports of neglect, any cases with child protective service agencies, or evidence of unfit behavior. If the mother does not have any negative parenting attributes, the father may want to consider petitioning the court for visitation as a backup plan.
The Custody Decision
Depending on the circumstances of the case and the evidence presented, the judge decides on the father’s petition. The father’s request for custody or visitation will either be granted, denied, or some compromise will be made between both parties. It is important to know there is no such thing as a “final decree” when it comes to child custody issues – there is always an opportunity to have child custody agreements modified or changed depending on the circumstances of the case.
Hello,
I am asking for a friend, my friend is a daddy and his baby mother had mental health records she left at his home and he wants to know can he use those same records that she has from doctors and psychocratists to use against her in the court or is that an invasion of privacy and HIPPA as she did not authorize those to documents to be used against her?
Sounds like it is a bad idea on multiple fronts. Whether HIPPA violations can occur from him using them would be a different situation altogether, as those regulations are primarily used to keep privacy between a healthcare provider and a patient.
Either way though, bringing up mental health is oftentimes a dangerous thing to do in custody cases. There is a procedure where a mental health evaluation of both parents and the child can take place, but those are very frequently quite expensive (ie. thousands of dollars – it is a doctor you are hiring here for this to be done).
Here is why it is dangerous and oftentimes not a good idea; first, here’s the hypothetical:
Let’s assume that mom is bipolar, and she has struggled with this for a long time. She is on medication, sees a therapist/psychiatrist and has been doing so for some time in order to get better/work towards better mental health.
1. Bad idea to bring this up #1. The judge will see a person that has struggled/is struggling and see positive steps being taken (medication, therapy, etc.) to get better an be a healthy person and parent. This is only positive for mom – she is doing things in her power to ensure that her mental health improves.
2. Bad idea to bring this up #2. How many people have mental health issues in America? According to the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI), 1 in 5 people experience mental illness during their life (see chart here). So, take this into account, it is very likely that the judge, the judges spouse, maybe the judges close friends or kids or parents suffer from mental illness (its 1 in 5 people after all!), the judge knows his/her spouse takes medication for depression and is a great spouse and parent and sees you as attacking someone trying to get help and doing what they consider the right thing – and the judge doesn’t think that his/her spouse should have the kids taken away from him or her because of this. So you come off looking like you don’t know what you’re talking about, or worse, like a jerk.
Knowing that this is so dangerous to bring up, the next questions that actually relates is this: is this persons mental health actually an impediment to them being a good parent? Does she have a job/ does she support her kid(s)? Does she have friends and family that would agree and/or support her? If so, then there probably isn’t a good reason to hammer this to the judge, especially based on #2 (above).
Now, there are different situations that may call for action on her mental health. Lets say that she recently (think the last year) attempted suicide. This is a dangerous situation and one a judge should be made aware of. Or a situation where she lost control and hurt the children or did something dangerous (forgot kids somewhere, wouldn’t get out of bed and change a diaper for a day or more, etc.). These types of situations are more typical of why mental health issues should be raised in court.
In all likelihood, lets just assume that both of them are good parents and the only main difference is dad is mentally healthy and mom has some issues. If the scale needs to be tipped, this would be something that a child representative (a lawyer for children) could investigate and possibly tip the scales in his favor.
Keep these things in mind, because mental health issues during child custody fights are dangerous to bring up. Best to speak with one of our child custody experts and go over some more details to put him on the right path.
My sons girlfriend of 3 years just left last week their home in Mississippi with their 21 month old son and moved to Kansas. He works every day, she does not, he does not drink, do drugs and is an active father in his life. He wants to pursue custody of him. She says at the moment that he can visit him anytime, but that is a 10 hour drive 1 way. What are his options? Is it possible to get custody? He has a home, vehicle paid for and steady job and family to help with babysitting.
Thanks
Devastated
This cannot wait at all. A motion must be filed this week – the longer he waits, the worse it will be in the courts eyes. The best method is to hire an experienced father’s rights attorney that specializes in child custody and parentage cases.
No matter what, he needs to file a petition for declaration of paternity first; this is his way of saying that he is the father, legally, of the child. He should try to obtain a copy of the ‘VAP’ (voluntary acknowledgement of paternity) from either the hospital where his child was born, or from the state’s vital records department and attach it as an exhibit to his petition. Then, he needs to hire a special process server where she is staying and have her served the next day – as fast as possible. Finally, he needs to also (hopefully she is served in a day or two, but either way, he files anyways), an emergency motion to return the child to the state of Mississippi.
The judge will not give him control over a child that he is legally not dad, that is why he files it as an action seeking a declaration of paternity first – that is how it gets in court and gets him rights. The emergency motion is meant to bring her back, to ensure jurisdiction remains and stays where he lives (and she used to live).
Help him out, start gathering information (get the VAP, this is different from the birth certificate) asap and doo all you can to hire an attorney to file an emergency motion – 3-months from now, if it has not been filed, a judge will lean 80% against bringing her back – right now, the chances are probably more like 80%+ her being forced to come back to Mississippi.
I’m so sorry for you man. I’m in the same almost exact situation…..I don’t have any advise but you have my full support brother!
I need a good attorney in the state of Ohio (Dayton, OH area) that will take a case on proving paternity and file for custody.
My son is trying to locate his son my grandson. He has visitation rights, but the mother has moved out of state we have no idea where they are . It has been two months since we saw him last. What can we do?
You need to call a lawyer. Most lawyers have private investigators that can run a skip trace and locate an individual for $50-$200. Then, an emergency motion needs to be filed to bring her back. You cannot wait on this, it needs to be done immediately. If nothing is filed until 6-months later, it is unlikely a judge will bring her back. IT’s possible, but the longer it goes on, the worse situation he is in.
This is also contempt of court and visitation interference, he needs a lawyer now.
Aly-
Who are you to decide how long is enough in someone ELSE’s sobriety. Time doesn’t really matter, what matters is the person’s decision to be clean. It doesn’t matter if its been one day or one year. If hes clean and done with it, then its over. You’ve clearly not been burdened by addiction. Otherwise you would understand how this works. Not to mention you have no idea what a “few” months means. So just stop, please. There is no need to smear this man any further than he has been already. FYI being a good dad, means he has to be balanced and happy and content with himself before he can take care of the kiddo…so if this helps him get right with life then he will be able to be a better dad. Same concept as in a airplane and the oxygen masks come down. Get yours on first and working so you can properly help others. Mic Dropped
do you have any support group recommendations for fathers going through custody battles? My brother is dealing with a very manipulative and damaging female and uses the baby as a pawn. Judge has sided with her on two different visitation/custody orders.
I am not a father but I support their rights,if a man is willing to stand up and do whats right, he should be allowed and given credit. I have helped my boy friend rais his son for 7 years and now the state of Oklahoma gives our son to a mother who refused to care or help support him. this chick attacked me physicaly in my home twice and I still let her in to see her son that we raised. She is only after a power hype over the dad because of her obsession with him. now the state of Oklahoma, Pushmataha county, has given her our son not knowing the full situation and falsifying documents against the dad. My family has helped provide Christmas, birthdays, and school clothes and supplies. She never did, for seven years. this state is so pathetic that attorneys wont even help him with his case even though they are listing themselves as fathers rights lawyers!!!!!!!!!!!!
I’m a father in Florida have already filed and got my rights as his father Now the mother is not letting me see the sun or talk to the sun she is in violation of the parenting plan that we have a the court has set forth How do I get my son when she won’t let me have him It’s been almost a month now I’ve not talked to my son or seen him and the court date is almost 3 months away.Is there anything I can do to make her give me my son
Get a lawyer they will file a notice of service to the mother regarding your paternity to the child. Save your money and hire someone to stop her because if you have gotten your rights as the parent to him she will look really bad because she’s withholding visitation from you.
You can also look to a Court Appointed Attorney and see if they offer lower prices for their services. I put out around $6000for 50/50 custody for my unmarried son who got a girl pregnant and told him he would never see her, now we get her 3 1/2 days a week, Court Ordered.
Good luck to you but remember you have rights to see him!
Are you in Fl And if yes what city who is your attorney?
Make note of the days you should have had your son. A great way to do that is calling the non emegent police line and having an officer just make an offense report on the issue. An officer will come out read the order and then give you a report number. Go pick up the reports. Then go file a contempt of court order form at the court house. This forces the judge to see the case again and redue the order. It can even give you the right to your son and give her visitation. You must have solid evidence and not just your word on the issue.
I am not married and have been with the mother of my kids for 10years we have two kids. We are getting separated and I want the kids to move with me because I have the same hours of work as they do in school, I’m a teacher and they are both erolled in the school I work. The mother works a job we’re she closes the store a 2pm-12pm job. I told her the best thing would be that the kids stay with me and every time she has a day off or wants to take the kids to school or pick them up she could. But for the most part to stay at my new place to keep the same routine and facilitate me to take them to school and pick Them up because 5 out of 7 days a week she is not around. Am I doing the right thing? Am I able to do that? Can she deny that verbal agreement we got to?
I live in the state of Florida I have three boys and one on the way been with the same woman 10 years but we’re not married she pulls the kids away from me as she feels like whenever she gets mad at me which is not fair to them nor I she knows I have no money for a lawyer because I am the Sole Provider for our family she also has a big family on her side and I have nobody really I can count on that being said I’m stuck in the Dilemma I am a great father I do everything I can for an with them and they love me more than anything really hurts me to know she’s hurting them by not letting them come home when they want to just cuz she’s mad at me therefore I really need some help with filing for my rights in Florida can anybody please help me
Im on the same boat brotha.. Hold on strong man
I’m from Florida also and unmarried and 12 years my x took my son and went to Ky under Florida law the mother of an unwed couple has custody of the child bottom line! Well I moved to Ky and have been paying child support for 12 years and no money to spare for another battle I have yet to see my son in 12 years and just recently she now wants me to say it is ok to change his last name but not relinquish parental rights which obviously the only right I have is to pay child support so hang in there!
Ok so i got a donestic on my children’s mom drunk a couple weeks ago Can i Persue and charges if the mother will not let me see them or talk to the and has moved 3hrs away from where they was born and no one by them will awsner if i do call but she has my number blocked and blocked social media I have no way of speak with my kids or knowing where to drive to see them
Where are you located?
My grandson is so totally broke after paying for 2 lawyers fees he barely has money to eat on or gas for work, this is sending him into a state of depression (as well as me-I am his only grandmother), he just went thro a horrible divorce, now the ex girlfriend won’t let him see his 9 yr old daughter KhloeKate, she’s heartbroken to, the mom and stepdad doesn’t let KhloeKate talk to him except on their terms. My grandson 8 months ago did use some drugs not all the different drugs, but quit an is clean, the court at litem is extremely rude to him and is 100% for the ex girlfriend, please do you know anyone that could possibly help him free or super low fees, the lawyer he has has charged over $900. so far & done nothing, does not give him any hope, the ex want full/complete custody, child support, his family hasn’t got any visitation at all, the courts did give him every weekend but she’s saying no to that now I don’t have any money except my $870 social security ck, he makes 13$ a hr working concrete construction which depends on weather. My name is Jacque, my grandson is Sam Crawford
My number is 8703734242, I pray you can help.
You should listen to the courts. Sorry, but your grandson is an addict and it sounds like he’s been clean, at most, for a few months. That’s nowhere near enough time to ensure that he is committed to staying sober and is fit to raise a child.
Instead of worrying about your grandson, maybe you should try actually worrying about your great-granddaughter and keep HER best interests in mind.
Aly I do not appreciate your negative response to Jacque, who has done nothing but ask for harmless advise. if she didn’t have HER best interests in mind, why would she be taking the time to look for help? I don’t perceive her intentions as being selfish and just trying to keep her great granddaughter for her own sake. I believe that 9 yr old Khloe Kate knows that her Father is a good person that may have done some bad things but that does not make him uncapable of stay sober. If Sam has put his heart and mind on being a Good Father, who is going to say that he isn’t? Is no man capable of change? Is no addict capable of staying sober? It will work out for the greater good of Khloe, no matter what your opinion may be Aly. Your Narrow Minded Attitude of Negativity seems to have no benefit or gain for Khloe or Sam’s situation, but I have to agree with you on one thing indeed, you are sorry, but the rest of your family is probably ok.