Last Updated: November 18, 2022
You are going through a divorce and seeing the kids is becoming more and more of a challenge. Every time you show up at the ex’s house, another argument takes place. If you are one second late bringing them back, you are threatened with the infamous, “You will never see them again!” And the times you forget to bring their shoes back, World War III starts. How can you stop the vicious cycle of fighting to spend time with your children? You need an attorney that will fight for your rights (and give you a free consultation)!
Remember What’s Actually Important: The Kids
The one thing both sides of this battle need to remember is that it is about the kids, not their ego or their bruised feelings. The kids have to come first and everything else has to be put to the side. Far too often parents use their children as a way to get back at the estranged spouse. “You broke my heart, now I will break yours!” However, the real loser in a battle such as this is the children. Never use your children as a weapon against the other parent – one day they will row up and they will know what each parent did.
Fighting With Your Ex Causes Problems
Whether the fight is to spend time with your children, or something else, it’s important to remember how fights affect kids (and whether the fight is actually worth it). Divorce is difficult on kids, and when not managed properly, can cause lasting issues. Let’s run some rather disturbing stats by you and see if you still think it is worth that extra jab in the gut just to get even with your ex spouse:
- Children coming from a divorced home are two times as likely to have their marriage end in divorce.
- Children coming from a divorced home are less likely to excel in school and extend their education to the college level.
- Children coming from a divorced home are 25 percent more likely to develop some type of drug problem before their fourteenth birthday.
These facts are quite disturbing. It behooves both parents to take a hard look at how the fighting affects their children and figure some way to work it out amicably. It may take the person on the short end of the stick to be the bigger person, but isn’t swallowing your pride worth your child’s future? The ability to spend time with your children without the drama of fighting wit your ex will be felt by your kids too – and it will benefit everyone.
It’s Important to Spend Time With Your Children
Everyone knows that to spend time with your children during a divorce, you will need to compromise. To compromise with your ex might mean you need to make some initial moves on your own first. Some important things to consider to help get your ex on the same page as you will require you showcasing your growth, co-parenting skills, or ability to care for the kids are the following:
- Offer to watch the kids while your ex is at work/appointments/etc.
- Get involved – coach a team or get involved in the kids’ activities
- Make a comfortable home – bedrooms (furnished) for the kids and food in the fridge
- Handle transportation (not always, but do at least 50% to show you are a team player)
- Discipline – make sure if your ex grounds the kids that you are on the same page
- Never talk bad about your ex around or to the children
- Homework – make sure the kids do it and make sure your ex knows you made them do it!
By showcasing your ability to co-parent (and that is what the above does, that is what co-parenting is all about), you will make your ex comfortable with your abilities. You will take the wind out of your exes sails and he/she will not want to fight you over the ability to spend time with your children during or after the divorce.
Priority #1: Spend Time With Your Children During Divorce
The most important thing to do when it comes to fighting to spend time with your children during divorce is in letting the other party know the children have to be the priority. You two are joined together forever because of these kids, even after the divorce is finalized. Realize that even though you are not married, you will be in each other’s lives for years to come. By following the co-parenting guidelines above, you will prove that the kids are your top priority.
The different types of ways to spend time with your children when divorcing can be as simple as going to see a movie, playing catch at a park, or taking a walk outdoors. The court just wants to know that you are engaged with your children’s lives. Proving that and showcasing your ability to co-parent is a winning combination during the divorce process.
Next Steps
Fighting to spend time with your children during divorce doesn’t necessarily mean having a fight. Of course, custody battles can and often do occur, but avoiding an ugly custody fight will be best for everyone in the end. Delays are often the number one reason people lose rights they might have had, so act quickly and be smart. An expert divorce lawyer (that will provide a free consultation) is the best first step you can take to ensure you get to spend time with your children during the divorce.
