Withholding Child Visitation is against the law
Should either parent disrupt the outlines of the agreement, they are considered to be in violation of the court order.

What You Should Know About Visitation Rights and the Law

When parents divorce or end their relationship, they work hard to gain custody or visitation rights with their children and the last thing they want is for something, or someone, to prevent them from seeing the children. In some cases, it is the custodial parent that stands in the way when the non-custodial parent is attempting to obtain visitation. The custodial parent withholding this visitation from the other parent is a very serious matter and can often have very severe consequences.

Visitation Agreements are Legally Binding

After parents end their marriage or their relationship, they will often have a child custody and visitation agreement that is submitted to the judge and, once approved, becomes a legally binding document. Should either parent disrupt the outlines of this document, such as the custodial parent withholding visitation, the non-custodial parent not returning the children on schedule, or the non-custodial parent not paying child support, they are considered to be in violation of this court order.

When issues with a parenting plan or visitation schedule arise, they should always be addressed through the family court system and, in some states, they can also be addressed by local police. The parent who feels the visitation schedule has been compromised should always petition the court, preferably with the help of a family law attorney, to have the visitation schedule enforced as it stands or petition the court to make changes to the parenting plan to better address their needs.

Regardless of the relationship between the parents, the custodial parent should not withhold visitation from the non-custodial parent for any reason. While the custodial parent may be doing so in retaliation for something the non-custodial parent has done, they often do not realize that it not only hurts the non-custodial parent but also the children involved in the situation. Some of the reasons why a custodial parent may withhold visitation from the other parent include:

  • Retaliation for the non-custodial parents actions
  • Feeling slighted or angry after the divorce has been finalized
  • Not believing the non-custodial parent is capable of caring for the children
  • The non-custodial parent not upholding their end of the visitation schedule
  • The non-custodial parent not being prompt or not paying their child support

No matter what the situation may be, there is no good or lawful reason to withhold visitation from the non-custodial parent. Should issues with the parenting plan arise, it is best for the custodial parent not to take matters into their own hands by denying visitation but to follow the proper course of action through the family court system. Like many circumstances regarding divorce and child custody, seeking the legal advice of a knowledgeable family law attorney is always recommended.

What if Withholding Visitation is Infrequent?

There are some circumstances where schedules conflict and either the custodial or non-custodial parent cannot follow the visitation schedule as it is written. If this happens infrequently, the parents should work together to schedule a different time or different day for the non-custodial parent to fulfill their visitation time. This can often be done without having to contact a lawyer or go through the court system should the parents have the ability to agree to the make-up time amicably and on their own.

What Happens When the Custodial Parent Withholds or Will Not Reschedule Visitation Time?

In some cases, the parents are unable to work together. When this happens, the custodial parent is often unwilling to work with the non-custodial parent to reschedule the visitation time they missed or may withhold visitation altogether if the non-custodial parent appears to be uninterested in following the parenting plan. When this occurs, the non-custodial parent should contact a family law attorney and take the issue through the family court system in order to have their visitation rights upheld.

Just as custodial parents may withhold visitation in retaliation for the non-custodial parents actions, the non-custodial parent may withhold child support payments in retaliation for not being able to visit with the children. Just as withholding visitation is against the law, so is withholding child support payments. It is important to remember that both these actions, not allowing visitation and not paying child support, will not only punish the other parent but will also punish the children. Since the welfare of the children is compromised, the family court system is quick to punish those who commit these two actions.

When withholding visitation becomes a regular problem from the custodial parent, the court system has an additional option to address the problem aside from legally forcing the parent to uphold the visitations. If the custodial parent consistently withholds visitations, even after being taken to court, the family court judge has the option to permanently transfer custody of the children to the non-custodial parent as a form of punishment for the custodial parent not upholding their end of the agreement.

Can Visitation Be Withheld if Child Support is Not Being Paid?

Visitation should not be withheld for any reason, even if the non-custodial parent is past-due or not paying their child support. Should an issue like this arise, the custodial parent should continue to follow the set parenting plan and take the child support payment issue to the family court system. If the judge sees that the custodial parent has been taking matters into their own hands by withholding visitation, the custodial parent may face additional consequences from the court.

Non-custodial parents should not withhold child support payments as retaliation for not receiving the proper visitation. Should the custodial parent withhold visitation from the non-custodial parent, the non-custodial parent should continue to make their child support payments as scheduled and contact a family law attorney to assist with petitioning the court to uphold the parenting plan as it is outlined. Following the proper course of action will produce a much more favorable outcome than withholding child support or visitation as a form of retaliation.

Kidnapping Charges Possible Through Visitation Disputes

In some extreme cases, the non-custodial parent will keep the children longer than they should if the custodial parent has been withholding visitation from them previously. While the non-custodial parent may see this as being able to make up the visitation time they were not allowed to have, the court system views this as kidnapping and the parent can be arrested and charged for this crime. It is important for the non-custodial parent to follow the visitation schedule as it is outlined and take up any issues they have regarding visitation being withheld with an attorney and the family court system.

When visitation is withheld from non-custodial parents, it can be a very emotional issue. In the cases of child custody and visitation, when one parent becomes emotionally charged, they often make rash decision that could harm them and their time with the children down the line. When issues with child custody and visitation arise, it is always in the parent’s best interest to seek the legal advice and counseling of a family law attorney to ensure they following the proper course of action.

183 thoughts on “Is Withholding Visitation Against The Law?”

  1. Father of 5 month old was granted temp custody due to him having a video of me cursing him out. Cps is involved and is now stating they find no concern regarding me due to a psychological eval going great and same with a domestic eval. Recently filed a motion for unsupervised/ overnights. Well.. I have court ordered visitation and cps, myself and father went with the court order and set them for every Saturday 12-4. New Year’s Eve I received a text at 12:16am from the fathers brother whom supervises my visits letting me know last minute he was changing it for the “holiday” although it wasn’t discussed with myself until he texted at midnight, and wasn’t agreed upon through cps either. So we rescheduled for the day after New Years. 12-4. Brother and father claimed I had a cough at my last visit I had and apparently gave my baby thrush which is impossible due to me not breastfeeding and can only come from sharing his bottle with him – breast milk or antibiotics, which obviously didn’t come from me after all. He required me to show him a negative covid test so I contacted cps and they stated if I show no symptoms I can attend but that he legally cannot require covid testing in order to attend. I showed father and brother my results anyway so I’d be able to attend, which is when I was then told I “faked” and “photoshopped” the test and I was still denied visit. So when I did not show due to the hassle he gave and stating he wouldn’t let me, he told me he was now canceling due to me not being on time, and not showing up! This is now my second visit he has withheld for no legal and or liable reason to do so…… as I stated, I already filed a motion to gain unsupervised/ overnights and am awaiting that court date. But now I’m being withheld from my little one and heartbroken, and my baby is also losing time that he needs with his mother for his development etc due to him being at such a young age. 😢

  2. We currently have an order for Grandparents visitation in which visitations are to occur every 3 months. Grandparents have cancelled the past 2 times this means they have not visited the children in 6 months. Is there anyway to cancel visitations all together? They are inconsistent past visitations were April 2021 and the one previous was July 2020. Would I be able to file to cancel visitations we only live 12 hours away from them. Court order states they have to come visit to where the children are and visit for the day. They have not complied with the visitations.

    1. Most states that have grandparents visitation rights handle whether a grandparent should be able to spend time with their grandkids quite differently than between 2-parents. Some states won’t even allow a grandparent to ‘intervene’ or file a case asking for visitation depending on the parents relationship (married, divorced, never married).

      In your case, it sounds like these people were awarded very limited visitation, being that it looks to be a handful of hours 4-times per year only. (that is actually a pretty small amount, honestly). In many cases, grandparents end up getting a few weekends per year and a longer period (like a week or so) once a year for vacation. It is also normal for them to be granted telephone/FaceTime calls on a regular basis (once or twice a month, for example).

      My first thought is that, because the amount they were awarded is so small (it’s almost insignificant), it might not be worth it to even go back to court. If they exercise their visitation, fine, but if they don’t, its’s only a few times per year anyways.
      But, if there are other reasons beyond the inconsistency (and this past year with Covid, it would be easy for elderly people to use that as an excuse for not travelling), then you might want to think about the option of modifying the current court order.

      There may relatively easy modification that could probably be done by agreement and then just have it entered by the Judge without filing multiple motions, multiple court dates, etc. The new Order might simply amend the current order and add a provision like this: “Grandparents must notify parents if they intend on exercising their visitation period with a minimum of 30-days advance notice or their visit will be cancelled.” That simple. Nothing more, nothing less, and that might take care of any expectations anyone has and avoid the inconsistency.

      The other option, which is obviously significantly more involved, would be to file a petition to modify the visitation order. In that motion, you would point out that there is an order in place allowing for them to visit with the grandkids. That they have chosen to not exercise their visitation on multiple occasions; that they have not provided a reasonable reason for not exercising their visitation; and that the kids are sad, disappointed, etc., because they were ready to see them and they flaked out and cancelled or just failed to show up.

      Reach out to out team and explain some more details so the solution that works best for you can get set in motion.

  3. I only have parenting time with my children and I’m paying child support,because me and my ex can’t communicate well, her sister my children’s Aunt decided to talk for there mom. Is that illegal and should I have to follow what she says,because she’s threatening me if I don’t comply to her orders this will happen,please help me.

    1. Are you are saying that you don’t have parenting time or you do have parenting time?
      first, something you should know about parenting time and child support: they are 2-separate things. One does not (necessarily) control the other. Paying child support does not entitle you to parenting time, and not paying child support does not mean you don’t get parenting time.
      Now, if you do have a parenting time order it should be followed. If it is not being followed, you need to file what is called a Petition for Rule to Show Cause (also called a Petition for Adjudication of Indirect Civil Contempt). This asks the court to enforce an entered Court Order that is not being followed and/or hold the non-compliant party in contempt of court.
      The parenting plan normally specifies communications between the parents as well and how it should take place. In the case of parents that have issues communicating with each other, some judges order the parents to follow certain guidelines for communication, such as: a certain time of day; communicating only via text message or email; communicating using a special app on your phone that keeps all communications forever (and is accessible by the judge and lawyers – examples: https://www.ourfamilywizard.com/ ); or other options.
      Ordinarily, the court does not have a 3rd party relative handle communications between the parties. So that would be strange if the order said to do so. It sounds like that is not what is taking place, but that she simply wants it that way so she does not have direct contact with you. This might not necessarily be a bad thing, temporarily, because it allows for separation between you both when, as you said, communicating is not going well. But this is definitely not a long term solution.
      It sounds like you need a lawyer to help you out here because it sounds like a mess – but not a huge mess – so that is good.
      Get your documents together, make a timeline of dates/etc. for when issues have popped up (and continue to do so), and get an experienced family law attorney on your side – and get started soon – delays make everything in family court worse. Good luck!

  4. I am a DV survivor, I was taken advantage of in uncontested divorce, I am now becoming a victim of parental alienation, my x passed and now his Mother continues the narcissistic dv abuse. They have kept court hearings from me used GAL to lie to me about court dates. I have been nothing but compassionate for my children sakes not for him gave him summers and all holidays for six years. I have called dfs I have called advocacy centers I have called the clerk of court and I have tried to study law but I am unsure what to do or which is the best first to last action or what would fix this immediately. The only thing I am guilty of is depression ptsd and social anxiety and self healing with no brain altering big pharma meds or narcotics. Was hard for kids and me but that does not make me a bad parent.

    1. This sounds like a terrible situation and that someone took advantage of you while knowing you were in a weakened and unhealthy mental state – and that is pure evil. Unfortunately, the only way back to ‘normal’ is through a process that will take time and will seem to not be huge progress for a while. Here’s some real talk, no pie in the sky garbage, just the truth.
      An experienced child custody attorney that works with cases involving mental health issues for the parents is what is needed here. You should (if not already) begin to work with a therapist (preferably an MD/DO/PsyD) that can asses and treat your issues – hopefully through a course of cognitive-behavioral psychotherapy (since you are opposed to the use of medication). However, and this happens quite often, depending what your diagnosis is, medication may be the only thing that works (this would normally be true for illnesses such as schizophrenia).

      A psychiatrist treating you for a period of time would be able to do multiple things for your case:
      1. Show the court that you have been putting in the work necessary to stabilize yourself for your kids (think: years of therapy, not 2-months of appointments);
      2. Allow you to have that doctor find a second therapist for you and the kids (this would be called “reunification therapy“; and
      3. Actually work out your issues with a professional that can help move you forward to a more positive life.

      While working with a psychiatrist / therapist, the 1st step would be to start small, but ask big. Ask the court for a return to you being the primary parent, knowing that it may be too soon to actually win that in court. Then, negotiate down from there. And do it like this: tell the court that you would like a child representative/guardian ad litem appointed to the case to investigate the kids lives and history and make a recommendation to the court on what he or she believes is in the best interests of the children. Remember, what you want doesn’t matter – what matters is what is “best for the children.”
      Make that child representative your best friend – by this, I don’t mean text and call them all the time, I mean your best 1st impression needs to happen for every possible interaction. Smile, be friendly, say positive things, don’t talk too much where you sound nervous or that you’re hiding something, and above all else – do what they recommend and tell them “that sounds like a good idea, thank you.”
      The child representative will make or break your case – forever – so do not mess that relationship up.
      After establishing a great relationship with the child representative and a history of therapy and hopefully reunification therapy with the kids, the court will look at you differently from the past and you will have a chance of regaining your family. But you must start now and you must have the guidance of child custody lawyer that knows the process is long but can fight with you.

  5. I reported to the police that my child’s father was soliciting a Minor with the intent of having sexual intercourse. I am fear full for our child and myself since i reported it to the police and we have a visitation coming the next day. I filed for an emergency ex parte but i wont know til 48-72 hour later if the judge approved it or not. I do not feel safe going to the visitation nor having our child with him. I do not know what to do.

  6. There seems to be a lot of support both legal and otherwise for the noncustodial parents right to visit with children as it is court ordered. Furthermore, the non custodial parent in violation of a court order if they don’t comply. I fully understand this.

    Now I’d like to know if that court order works in both directions. So if the noncustodial parent has court ordered visitation and does not adhere to the schedule that they specifically asked for, agreed to and were granted are they now in breech of a court order. And if they are in breech then what are the ramifications?

    When my divorce was finalized, I scheduled and planned my life around the court ordered visitation schedule. So that means any personal time I desired to spend by myself, with friends, traveling, etc, I planned during dates/times and correspond to the court ordered visitation time. Well the non custodial parent opted to move out of state with no advance conversation with me, the kids or the court and he is therefore no longer in compliance with the court ordered visitation schedule.

    I find it quite unfair that the non custodial parent is allowed to have the ‘option’ to adhere to or ignore the visitation schedule, while the custodial parent is required to ‘comply’ at the whim of the non custodial parent. So any person plans or plans for the kids can be nullified if the non custodial parent decides to show up or not show up for a legally binding court ordered visit to which they requested and agreed to.

    1. This is an issue that happens all too often and I’m going to give you some unfortunate news – the noncustodial parent cannot be forced to take the kids for visitation / parenting time. A very smart judge, about 15-years ago, made a comment along these lines: “All we can do is give a parent the option to do the right thing by his kids; but we can’t make him be a good parent.”

      Now, that’s not to say there is no remedy for his lack of parenting. You can file a motion and request a few specific things of the court:
      1. Ask that the parenting time order be modified since he does not follow the plan; or
      2. Ask the Court to order him to be responsible for childcare during his visitation / parenting time if he doesn’t exercise it.

      This likely is going to mean you need to employ the use of an experienced child custody attorney to file a motion, but it sounds like it is entirely necessary to do so.

      It’s not fair that he can avoid responsibility for his kids which means you are left holding the bag. But what that judge said holds true, and in the end, you probably don’t want someone who doesn’t want to be a parent having the kids anyways.

  7. My son just broke things off with his girlfriend as she was unfaithful and they share a now 9 month old child together. My son paid all the Bill’s and she has no means of supporting the child let alone she dosent bath nor keep the child clean. He went to go pick his child up and the x girlfriend said he wasn’t aloud to see his son because he wont take her back. I had advised him to always take someone with him and even call the police when he shows up to have them meet him at the residence because she likes to call rape on people when she gets caught in lies or just dosent get her way. So I’m just wondering if my son actually gets my grandson from her since their is no court order and he can prove she is unfit to care for the child as she will be evicted for not paying rent and will have no electricity because she wont work and will have anywhere to go does he need to give the child back or can he care for the child as he goes for custody..

    1. He needs to speak with an expert child custody attorney immediately.
      This is a dire situation, and not one to take lightly. He needs to have a case filed and possibly even an order of protection so that the case can proceed as an emergency and move quickly.
      When a parent does not have the ability to provide the most basic needs and a reasonably safe living environment for their children, the courts will act quickly – but that only takes place if he files a custody case first.
      The police typically do not want to get involved unless they have no choice. So, for this situation, the best bet is to file the case, attempt to obtain an emergency temporary custody order, and then begin the process of making it become a permanent order.
      Do not delay, because delay is almost always the reason why a case like this turns out bad for people like your son and kids.

  8. My husband ex wife is denying visitation to his children because we’re fighting her over ending child support on his oldest son that’s 19 years. In Ky you have to pay child support until your child graduates from HS or is 19. When we set up a date to end the child support. His ex wife hired attorney and state his son was whole dependent is waiting my husband to keep paying child support. We set up a special needs trust and offer her $ until he’s 21. He’s very high functional and attention a very good school graduate on May 20 2021. Ex wife is trying to enable the son. To keep getting child support money my husband pays $1374 a month half of their private school all of their health insurance. His ex lied about his son not attending aftercare which was included in my husband child support his ex was over paid $8000. We’re asking her to pay all of that back in just taking it off his child support on his daughter. She is waiting us to pay for her attorney fees. When all this started we didn’t even have attorney we had to hire one.
    We keep all of this information from my husband kids 13-19 years old. We found out that his ex told his 13 year old daughter about everything told her that my husband was not waiting to take care of her brother which is a lies.
    When we were on vacation @ Disney World his daughter was reported everything back to his ex wife it was so much lies. When we saw all of the lies on the text message to her mother to took away the cellphone that we paid for. When they got back home the ex when a brought only his daughter a new cellphone left us $700 on contract with our daughter cellphone bill. My husband was upset with his daughter for doing that without talking to him about it. His ex didn’t even responded to anything about what she left us paid. His ex is so toxic to the kids. This weekend was our visitation weekend my husband texted his ex asking if the kids were coming this weekend since we had to change our visitation schedule due to our vacation the first weekend in June. The last time we have see the kids was June 6. Now only my husband son is having any kind of contact with his calling him every night. His daughter will not respond to either of our text or calls.
    His ex wife will not let the son visit without his 13 year old daughter. Since we’re in litigation for the issue of the whole dependent. We ask our attorney to file a motion of contempt of court on his ex wife for denying visitation since we have a text message from his ex staying it’s up to the kids if they want to come which is against the law!! Need some advice in this area so sick of his ex wife not trying to work with us. They have been divorced since 2013 it’s anything new.

  9. To all of you going through the same issue not only in the lower family court arena, but also in the Appellate Court (district court of appealing) a family court order. If no resolution is gained from an appeal that you must file within 30 days after receiving the court order. Your next step is to file what’s called an OTSC (order to show cause) or whats called a family offense petition in the higher Supreme Court change of venue from lower court to a higher court. Family court Lawyers do not always fight for parental rights and the high burden of their oath of office. When a lawyer and judge are court officers, they all take an oath of office to represent each and every clients Fundamental Liberty interest to their children. When lawyers and judges do not uphold their oath of office they are in violation of their legal obligation to their clients. Read up on the United States Constitutional Rights of parents. Especially US Code 1983. With that being said you are entitled to file a District Federal Civil Rights Violation complaint in Federal Court. Patience is a virtue but when “We” as loving parents give up we lose our patience due to BIAS, DISCRIMINATION, LACK OF INTEGRITY, violation of your right to DUE PROCESS of law from Court Officers such as the lawyers and judges. Research Sandra Day O’Conner US Supreme Court Justice. It’s a violation of law in the United States for any judge and any lawyer to violate your God given right.

    Your 6th Constitutional right allows you the right to a trial / hearing by a jury of your peers.

    Your 7th Constitutional right allows you the right to a speedy trial.

    YES, EVEN IN CIVIL CASES / LITIGATION

    “NO STATE GOVERNMENT OR AGENCY SHALL INFRINGE ON THE PARENTS FUNDAMENTAL LIBERTY INTEREST BECAUSE IT IS A VIOLATION OF DUE PROCESS, JUST BECAUSE A JUDGE THINKS HE/SHE CAN MAKE A BETTER DECISION FOR THE CHILDREN.”

    Keep fighting back & Never give up no matter how exhausting it may seem to be.

    I’m almost 5 years in fighting in courts for the return of my son that I had sole custody of for 7 years of his 13 years. The court system & lawyers FAIL US & FAIL OUR CHILDREN ALL THE TIME !!!

  10. Me and my ex husband are recently divorced as of 1/28/2021 but our mediation agreement was signed 10/7/2020. We have 2 children under the age of 14 and he has primary. He resides in South Dakota and the agreement was is that if I kept all of my visitations for 6 months with none being missed I would start to receive the kids every other weekend. I was getting them one weekend a month. Well I am beyond the 6 months and my 2 younger kids informed me that they would not be coming the my house this weekend. He said he didn’t agree to this arrangement. Which he did, he signed it and the judge signed off on it. My question is what can be done about him violating the stipulation? Will he be held in contempt? This is a ongoing pattern for him. How many times can he get away with this before the judge overturns custody.

  11. I have not been able to see my kids in 12 years due to the fact that the father has with held any type of contact. Has alienated my kids against me. When the court order was made it was left at the father should decide what type of visitation. He never let me see my kids and now there 18 and 19 . I have tried contacting many times over the years and I either get blocked by his wife or all there social media gets deleted so I can’t contact them. But there sure right there when child support was going on to take my money. I was never able to go back to court cause they garnished all my money for child support .All he cared was the money not the kids and now I don’t know what I can do to see my boys since there 18 and 19 and I continuously keep getting shut out by the father and his evil wife.

    1. Welcome to the life of a man in America. Welcome to second class citizenship. Come on in the waters not fine but hey it’s water right? Shut up and deal with it. YOU laid down and had a baby. YOU pay for your baby. End of discussion…… Now don’t what I said sound absolutely ridiculous. This is everyday life for me and millions of men in America. No one gives a fuck about us. Why would we care about your sob story? Please help me understand that.

      1. Jon Dough Sucks D

        You’re just an angry, sad piece of. Probably a result of a small. Not smart enough to stand up for your rights and place blame on others for your own inadequacies.

    2. Dear Sarah
      My Heart goes out to you I am in a similar situation I have a son who is now 28 he has high functioning autism but 12 years ago my ex-husband conserved him in a private court hearing my daughter and I did not get notice of hearing and I have been struggling for visitation for 12 years it is absolutely soul destroying an almost impossible to get on with your life my heart is truly broken and I’m sure yours is broken twice just know that I’m thinking of you thank you so much for sharing Sarah take care Linda

    3. I am a great grandmother.. I feel sorry for men who try and do the right thing by there kids and you woman just abuse the system because you know you can.. You either get mad when they get into another relationship get remarried just any thing to keep the kids from there fathers a good fathers love is just important as the mother make no mistake on that.. it’s so mass up when the mother put there child in the middle of what she is feeling about there father onto that child one she claims to love.. But her love is only on the surface and not deep in her heart. Because if it was in her heart she would not put her child though all that emotional problems no parent would. I speak on this because at the beginning I said that I am a great grandmother at 71 I see how my grandson ex.girlfriend do him when everything don’t go her way here she comes and pull him not only from him but from all of us, this is the second time.. So I can’t sympathize with you woman who do things this way..The courts say pay child support.. okay .. but then turn around and deny them the right to spend what little time they have to spend with them.. but where is the support for the Men, Dads , Fathers.. Where! !!!! I am sure that some man do the same but the majority of it is the woman., and if you woman be honest with self you know it’s the truth.. So when are we going to stop., and do what right for our kids, it do t matter who starts as long as it get done.. Our kids have so much to go though they don’t need two parents that they care about act in such a way.. causing more emotional habits in there lives.. I hope I have reach someone but even in this some woman will find this offensive to her.. You can’t change what you don’t want to acknowledge…

      1. Thank you for your words. I’m going through this exact issue. I pay my child support and the mother denies my time with my daughter. It’s very sad.

        1. If there is a court order in place that awards you parenting time / visitation, her denying or frustrating attempts to abide by that court order, can subject her to contempt of court. You need to speak with a family law attorney because the process, although relatively straight forward for an attorney, is difficult for a non-attorney.

          When a court order is not followed (ANY court order, in your case, a parenting time / visitation / child custody Order), most courts will view that action or inaction as a violation of the terms that they specifically ordered (and this does not make the judge happy).

          Once her violation has occurred, you must document it in a manner that makes it possible for you to present it to the judge. It can’t be simply your handwritten notes (unless you have a history of a diary on a weekly/daily basis – even then, not very good). It needs to be something that can be shown as evidence that a judge that knows nothing about your case can see and understand. Examples would be text messages of her saying “sorry, you can’t come pick up for visitation today”, or you emailing her “I’m picking up at 3:00pm per the court order” and her not being home or responding with a “no.”

          Once you have established proof in the form of actual evidence that a court will utilize, you need to file a motion with the court. Depending on the state, this will be called a: “Petition for Adjudication of Indirect Civil Contempt”, or a “Petition for Rule to Show Cause”, or some variation of that.

          The point of the motion / petition, is to tell the court the following:
          1. A court order was entered that said something clearly (ie. you get parenting time every Friday night at 6:00pm); AND
          2. She refused to follow the court order (ie. she texted you back telling you could not pickup for parenting time / visitation); AND
          3. She willingly and knowingly refused to follow the court order; AND
          4. She has no justifiable reason for doing so (not justifiable reason for not following the court order); AND
          5. Her actions (or inactions) are willful, contumacious, and intentionally impede the administration of justice.

          But, this needs to be done quickly. If you let this go on for months, the judge will look at it as though you agreed with the situation because you didn’t speak up fast enough.

          Don’t let your rights be taken away, take the positive steps needed immediately and start moving forward with the custody rights and parenting time rights you deserve.

  12. I am currently opening a case for custody and visitation in CA. My kids dad left the state without a notice for two months. Before coming back he told our 6 year old he wanted to take him to NC with him. my child was worried he’d take him. He’s since Returned back to CA and I’ve tried working out a schedule with him for the kids. He doesn’t follow them so I told him ide file for custody and visitation. He’s now mad and has stated that I should have aborted our kids 6 and 3 rather then “dragging” him into this. Also stated he’d leave to Mexico since he doesn’t want to deal with court because of his immigration status. I’m now worried about my kids safety and have stopped letting them go over weekends for over night stays and also fear he’d flee the country with them. Will this hurt my custody and visitation order with him or do I have every right to stop sending them over with him. My child also stated his dad leaves him with his grandma so he can hang out with friends in his room and smoke marijuana. And also has them sleep with her rather then him.

    1. California has legalized weed, so unfortunately you would need to allow visitation and fight this in family law court. If he does flee to Mexico with your children, our state department has a website (https://travel.state.gov/content/travel/en/International-Parental-Child-Abduction.html) and they will charge him with international kidnapping and also use INTERPOL to apprehend him. It’s important to call the duty officer and have documentation that shows you have custody of the children.

      The abortion commit is worthy of police attention, so I would recommend contacting the police and providing documentation (if available) to them.

  13. I currently have sole / physical custody. Mom wants to have daughter stay their and remote learn for the next semester of school. Can I lose custody/child support from her being with her mom for a few months straight? Weekends with me? NE

  14. carolyn franco dumont

    child custody and visitation issuses, my ex-husband violated i haven seen my son since (my child lives on Alabama) 12/17/2017 i been paying child support attempted to contact him his new wife ex-inlaws and still nothing. I have on papers visitation rights beside the point all this agreement as willmy divorce was done without my knowlge they had change my appointment many time never got serve of this agreement but now soon 2021 i haven’t seen my son what can I do now I live in Florida

  15. My 8 year old daughters dad has not gone by visiting order or child support order that we have had since Oct 8th 2013. Has not kept up with bisition or a dime of child support. He has wensdays and every other weekend supervised with no over nights till he can prove himself.which is how its stated in my paperwork. He comes around once a year. Now all the sudden after 6 months this time he is calling cops and dcs for welfare checks. Because I won’t let him have overnight due to his tardiness plus the recent accusations that came up. Having a case going through dcs with accusations on his girlfriends daughter.so I did not let him take her on her birthday( first communication in 6 months. Also arguing with me about not agreeing with the supervised visitation no over nights. I need some serious advice.

  16. My ex-husband is in the army and has custody of both of my girls we have a visitation schedule shut up in Florida where our divorce was finalized since then he has refused to give me any of my visitations and also has picked up and moved from state to state due to his job in the service he is at least moved four different States since this order was made and is now deployed over in Afghanistan I caught wind yesterday that one of my daughters has been taken from the home and placed in a mental institute Hospital what can I do be in the biological mother and him being deployed I have rights they have never were taken away I don’t know what to do and I feel terrible that my daughter feels all alone and a mental hospital because her stepmother is irresponsible and can’t handle her but she can handle three other children but not my 15-year-old so she has too many mental problems I’m going to say this once my daughter must have had something happen to her that was pretty bad for her to flip out and say she wanted to harm them or herself there had to be a really good reason for it a kid doesn’t snap like that for no reason like I said she’s 15 and I feel like my hands are tied behind my back and I don’t know what to do does anybody know how to go about this they are living now in Kentucky and with this this covid-19 stuff going on it’s even harder on all of us

  17. WA State.

    I share joint legal custody with my ex of our nearly 16yo son. She is labeled the custodial parent but effectively my son spends about two days less a week in my home than in his mom’s.

    I have a court order which clearly outlines that the mother is responsible for a percentage of medical costs. Well, she’s about 3 years in the hole of not reimbursing me for said costs. I have the records. Her reason, “I can’t afford it”. I pay over $1,300/mo in child support, yes you can. His medication/therapy is $40/mo for her share.

    Infrequently, she will make life decisions for him without my knowledge, like medications, school registrations (meaning I don’t get the opportunity to discuss courses with my child BEFORE he’s already registered) and even though I’ve brought to her attention that this is definitely within my parental rights she has largely disregarded it anyway. Aside from my rights, these are experiences parents cherish. I feel robbed.

    Recently, she’s been grooming my son into believing I’m anti-social. As in a the personality disorder. Never mind there’s a raging virus sweeping the globe right now and I suffer with hypertension, I am introverted, I have been that way my entire life.

    However, introversion is NOT a personality disorder. (Like anti-social personality disorder) My child asked her why “dad doesn’t hang out with friends”? My ex is using this to assassinate my character and present a problem that really isn’t there to my son.

    She’s now screen-capturing all my by text communications on my child’s phone between him and I seemingly searching for anything that could be seen as “incriminating”. This is ridiculous. Does my child and I not deserve to experience our bond in privacy? Now she’s literally writing his messages for him. It’s obvious. I was with this woman for over 12 years. And my child has confirmed a couple of them.

    Needless to say this constant grooming on her part is actually starting to negatively impact my son’s relationship with me. He doesn’t want to be around me much anymore, and when he is around he acts as if he’s disgusted by me. This isn’t the normal teen rejection you usually get, I have two adult children, I know what that looks like.

    He refuses to sit down and have a heart to heart like we’ve always done before this started happening. It’s really painful. I consider myself a very loving, affirmative parent with room to grow. I’m a very open book and emotionally available and if I don’t have the answer I’m going to look for one.

    Just moments ago I was talking on the phone trying to get my son to say something. Give me a small sign that this is repairable. (I don’t know what I apparently broke?)

    I let him know that we should talk because the option to avoid me and simply not come over here anymore isn’t really a viable option. So you’ll be here quite miserably if that’s the case. Well, turns out his mother told him if he speaks to a judge and says he doesn’t want to come here anymore that a judge will simply award it and he won’t have to any longer. Because of his age (16 in 3 months) is this true? I could understand if there were dangerous circumstances for his health but I can promise you our problems never went past just normal teen/parent issues.

    In reading other comments here I realize this is unlikely to go unanswered but I really needed to vent. I feel like I’m losing my child over extraneous reasons and I feel absolutely powerless to change it. The worse part? I don’t even know what I apparently broke and no one is willing to spill to communicate that so I could be given the grace to address it. You’d think I’d just murdered someone.

    In terms of his mother, I’ve been beyond patient. I’ve tried my best over the years to be non confrontational and lend her compassion towards “not being able to afford it” and mainly just trying to keep this on the high ground and deliberately out of the courts on my kid’s behalf.

    Whenever my kid voiced complaints about his mother I listened and validated him, but I didn’t intervene. I encouraged him to have a dialog with his mother. That’s their relationship, their bond. I have no right to step in the middle of that. It’s a huge slap in the face that this isn’t reciprocated.

    Now it’s definitely infringing on my parental rights and turning my kid into someone I’m having a hard time recognizing these days. It all feels so unnecessary and I feel defeated and discarded. I have to step in and do something. I don’t want to “punish” anyone I just want my son back. Obviously I can’t rely on his mother to want that for my son and I too.

    1. The Lady from Washington State

      You are experiencing parental alienation of your child. This is where a parent plays out their trauma from childhood and makes the child the victim, making them experience and feel as they did when they were traumatized. They are recreating the trauma in the here and now. You all have roles in this delusion that she is working out putting your son in the middle. She truly is recreating it. I applaud you for validating the feelings of your child because we are all told not to talk bad about the other parent but sometimes you must lest the child be very confused on why mom or dad are acting this way and why everyone else is ignoring the bad behavior leaving your child stuck to deal with the problem alone. It is very dangerous to the relationship with the targeted parent, sometimes turning the child into the same trauma the other parent had and is now subjecting to your child. Your child adopts this fear story because their parent is believing the delusion and is very convincing. They undermine your relationship by using negative reinforcement or opposite reinforcement such as making a big drama conversation if the child comes home with a complaint. On the other hand the child says it went great and the parent responds despondent saying “Oh…you did huh”. They then make the child see that they were unhappy you had a happy visit reinforcing the thought that no matter what complaints brought home to these parents is what they are rewarded for and use that opportunity during after visit story time to grill complaints out of the child not relenting until they tell them whatever they want to hear. These stories end up being put back on the child as they they get in trouble for making up stories that any thinking person would know they are not real but the alienating parent is so wrapped up in the delusion that the child is the true victim projecting their fear from their past trauma into the child who turns out to just be used and thrown aside like an old hat when not needed. They destroy any thing you give them they don’t allow the child to grieve for the parent it is the silver bullet of what can go wrong after divorce concerning custody and best interests of the child. People start believing the delusional parent and now enjoined delusional child keeping you far away with no contact. It’s the worse thing that can happen after divorce to a child. These cases are no doubt high conflict with lots of false allegations (delusions). Good luck, check out Craig Childress and “Court Reform” on Facebook to meet other parents going thru the same. Take care, The Lady from Washington State

  18. I have primary custody of my 2 children soon to be 5 and 7 yrs old. My ex husband, their father, constantly fights with me about everything. From the sports that I sign them up for, the religion that I use In my household, to what they wear. Anything to pick a fight. He harasses me with texts all day. The visitation schedule says he gets them for 4 hrs on Wednesday and every other weekend. The time he picks them up on Friday is the time he is suppose to drop them off at home on sunday. Today he refused to bring them home. I had to drive to his mothers house to pick them up. When I got there at 1:45 pm he told me to get in my car and come back at 5….I live 30 minutes away from his moms so I was unable to come back at 5. I told him this and he said that they arent coming home then. My daughter heard my voice and tried to come to me. My ex’s girlfriend was holding her back so she couldnt come. My daughter finally made her let go and when she was walking by her father, her father pushed her backwards then pushed me away from the door. I got scared and grabbed my daughters coat and pulled her towards me. Then my son was crying and he tried to come to me. His dad did the same thing so I grabbed his coat and I got my kids to my car while my ex, his girlfriend, and his mother were all shouting threats at me. Saying they were going to call the cops. I got my kids buckled and got into the car shaking. Is there anyway I can limit his visitation until I have a hearing for sole custody? I want to also file for ofp.

    1. What a terrible situation he made your children witness. This type of behavior can be traumatizing for children and there needs to be immediate ramifications for these actions.
      The first step here, is to file an emergency order of protection / restraining order against him and the girlfriend because of him getting physical with you and him and the girlfriend being physical (pushing and/or restraining) the children. Because he was physical and then voiced additional threats to you, there should be no question an emergency order of protection should be granted. The next step is pushing forward with what is normally called a ‘plenary order of protection.’ That would restrain him for 1-2 years.
      Your instincts are correct in that you also need to seek expert divorce lawyer help to file a motion to change the custody plan. This should also be done on an emergency basis and there definitely sounds like there are grounds to do so.
      In many states, there are options to ask the court to restrict a parents visitation / parenting time because of this type of behavior. Many states also can order that an offending parent – like your ex-husband – be forced to attend anger management, therapy, parenting classes, and other types of therapeutic courses in an effort to avoid this behavior in the future.
      Whatever you decide to do, you must protect yourself and your family – and that means you need to act immediately. Especially when it comes to orders of protection and threats like this, you can’t sit and wait and then act – it must be done right now.

  19. My sons father has kept him since March 15th I have full physical custody and joint legal. He is only supposed to have him the 1st, 3rd and 4th weekend. He has refused to give him back or provide an address where he is for weeks and then he finally gave me a phone number to reach him because we communicate over talking parents and I had to have a PI find out where he was with my son. I went to the cops to try and get my son in a safe exchange but he didn’t open the door. Many police officers have told me this isnt kidnapping because we have joint legal custody but I haven’t seen my son in over two months and this is the longest we have ever been apart , there has to be a line somewhere

    1. Leah Fernandez de Jauregui

      I’m in the same situation right now. My ex didn’t return my boys at the end of spring break. Get a lawyer. Once they file something you can show up with the police. I’m not sure your child’s age but if they are ever anywhere with out him you can take your child. Pick them up any of those things.

  20. My children father has a history of drug and alcohol abuse. I received word that a good friend of his found his shooting up at work last week. I have also heard his new live in girlfriend is using as well. I think it would be negligence on my part to allow my children to ride in his car and spend Friday evenings/Saturday until 5 at his home. He is claiming now that he is sober and wants his legal visitation that he has given up three weekends in a row now. Being that he doesn’t have a criminal record I feel gun shy about taking this to court; what can I do to safe guard my children from a dangerous and toxic environment?

    1. Nicholas Baker

      This is extremely dangerous. You need to file an emergency petition to suspend parenting time / visitation immediately. This needs to be done while also including in that motion a request for immediate drug test. The courts will order him to do a drug drop within hours, they will not give him time to clean out his system.
      Contact our team of experienced child custody lawyers and get started on the filing of an emergency motion now!

    2. Me and my husband are custodial parents of my stepdaughter. Her mom has gone missing again and it’s been 5 days. Do we give visitation on the weekend to her family or can we keep her until her mom is stable again?
      Her family already expressed they don’t want to deal with her or that they have to deal with her because her mom is gone

  21. My sons mother has denied me my visitation visits for my son for the past three weeks and is only allowing me to see him behind a door what do I do in this case do I call police or do I just deal with her retaliation like how it is

  22. Felicity Starr

    My EX has took me for child support… we are seprated with the o parenting plan in place… he has the kids scared to come and see me at all and I do not have the money for a lawyer because all of it is going into bbn payments.. what should I do?

  23. Can child visitation orders still be enforced or can the primary parent withhold the non custodial parent from seeing the child during this cornoavirus shelter in place?

    1. I just had the police come to my door to uphold non parent visitation of every other weekend during Corona virus even though the non parent has her around a ton of people without PPE and it doesn’t matter to them so if you don’t want to go to jail then you better let them go anyway. At least that’s what I was told by the local PD.

  24. I have a custody order that states that I have my daughter every week while her father has her every weekend. But I am planning a vacation trip overseas for 2 weeks, which means that my ex husband will not have have access to my daughter during those weekends. I have tried to negotiate with him but he is insisting that I cannot travel with her because I will be denying him of his visitation time during the 2 weeks. What should I do?

    1. You cannot take the child out of the country without the fathers permission, you can try and work something out with him as in giving him more time with the child before or after the trip. But traveling overseas they are going to ask for Documents to make sure the other parent is aware and ok with the child leaving the country, because they don’t know if you’re kidnapping the child. If your trip is going to interfere With his visitation, he has the right to take you to court and you can be held in contempt for not following court orders and the judge will give the father make up time.

  25. Savanna Visarraga

    Hello I have a 14 yr old son and a 11 yr old daughter with whom share the same biological dad. My husband and I have been together since right after she was born so about 11 yrs or so. My sons dad sees him every other weekend and has since he was 5. he has never seen my daughter he left me at the hospital while in labor and took me home when it was time to go home. He soon left to California for a few weeks to be with another woman. When I found this out I moved out and went to work and met my now husband. He has since wanted to adopt my daughter. So when we were almost done with the paper work her biological father fought back and asked for my son only for full custody and my daughter was still not mentioned in the order I was served. When we went to court it was brought up that he didn’t mention her and now said that he didn’t think he could but wants to have her too. She is almost 12 has never seen him a day in her life. never spent a night with him not even 5 minutes. I don’t know what to do at this point for her. She is terrified that he will take her. She doesn’t know this man as her dad only my husband. He is claiming that I kept her from him which is not true he had been seeing my son for almost 8 years now every other weekend and has never asked for her and now wants to just to get back at me.

  26. My boy friend has a 4 year old to whom he has every 1st 3rd and 5th of every month meaning he is to be there on the friday of his weekend at 6pm and bring him back that sunday at 6pm.He is there on time and brings him back on time every weekend that is scheduled as his. His son’s mother always sends him over sick with any illness from severe cold to pink eye and doesnt tell us of it until the day of whichh is friday afternoon around 4pm usually or calls at the last minute at a very late hour of night after the boy has been sick for days and threatens to withhold him because my bf didnt help take him to the doctor. My bf does not mind helping at all but she waits until the weekend comes (whether its his weekend or not) to inform us that the boy has been ill and had to see a doctor or she wont take him to see a doctor until he does but by that time its already the weekend and. He works 2 jobs monday through friday one from 6am to 3pm and the night job from 10pm to 3or4am. She always calls at late hours when we’ve gone to bed for work for his late shift or my early shift of 4am and she cusses him out and threatens his visitation constantly when she doesn’t get her way. Because of his work schedule she is the custodial parent and she is also married. Their custody order states neither parent may call after hours or cuss or threaten each other. We have texts to prove her foul language and threats as well as voice recordings. My bf follows everything that is asked of him in the custody papers as well as more but with his schedule and her waiting so long each time to inform us that the boy is sick he cant take him to the doctor as much as needed. The boy is on my bfs insurance and the boy does not have a diagnosed illness he jist seems to constantly get sick at her house.and he has paid child support as followed by the courts nothing is late. She calls late the night before esch visit with a new ailment of the boy and tells him to take off work (which is is the only chef at his day job there is nobody to fill in for him) and if he doesn’t comply with her demands she will withhold the child. My question after this long explanation is this. She has now stated that she is going to proceed with terminating his parental rights just simply for him not missing work for the doctor visits that we arent told of until the night before at a very late hour each time. Can she terminate any rights if he has done exactly as the custody papers have ordered and is up to date on all child support and wants his son and will never ever voluntarily even consider giving up rights to his son? Does she have grounds to do anything simply because she is upset he doesnt comply with every tiny demand? She uses her husbands mother for legal advice and filing who is not a family court lawyer she’s another type of lawyer. He cannot miss work in order to make sure all child support stays up to date as well as keeping our home paid for and all other bills.

    1. It doesn’t sound like either party is necessarily violating the court orders in a substantial way to merit the removal of parental rights (if that is even allowed in your state). Many states do not even allow this unless the other parent is a convicted sexual predator or the parents agree that the new spouse should adopt the child and terminate the father’s parental rights.

      Now, that is not to say that her actions are appropriate – they sound far from appropriate and honestly, possibly enough of a violation for him to file a motion for indirect civil contempt (usually called a “Petition for Rule To Show Cause”).

      This means that he alleges the following:
      1. A Court Order exists and says to do or not do something;
      2. She is doing or not doing specifically what the court order says not to do/refusing to do what it says to do;
      3. She does not have a reasonable justification for violating the court order (ie. her actions are willful, contumacious, and without just cause); and
      4. Her violation is not an innocent mistake, it is intentional and impedes the justice of the Court.

      If she is held in indirect civil contempt of court, the judge has numerous remedies available that can even include holding her in jail until she complies with the court order. NOTE: there are different types of contempt, do not get them confused: Direct contempt happens right in the judges presence, like in the courtroom itself; indirect contempt happens outside of the judges presence, like in the hallway of the courthouse, at home, on the phone, or somewhere else. Civil contempt is not meant as punishment, but is meant to “compel a person to do or not do something” and is a civil proceeding. Criminal contempt is a punishment for violating a court order and carries with it criminal thresholds for liability (jury trial, etc.). If a person is jailed for civil contempt, it is NOT criminal contempt, even though they are in jail, because they will be free to leave jail as soon as they agree to/follow the court order.

      So, if her calls and out of control language are damaging in some way, it is possible to return to court and ask the judge to order her to communicate through a 3rd party app, maybe, so that all communications are saved forever and can be accessed by lawyers and the court to see if she is lying or not. Examples would be: Our Family Wizard, or Talking Parents.
      If the issue is also that the child is constantly sick, maybe a child rep needs to get involved and find out what is causing this at the other house – maybe its just the school, but maybe the mother is living in filth – someone should find out and report to the judge.
      And if she is not notifying about illnesses with reasonable notice, the court order should be modified to force her to provide the notice in advance when possible.

      Best to speak with an expert in child custody cases and get some more details on what his rights are and how these issues can be fixed.

      1. Crystal S Berry

        Here is a case that no one wants to take in Tallahassee Florida.
        My brother is a Deputy. His Wife is a paralegal. My brother and his ex wife’s daughter was murdered. The child was placed with my brother and his wife. My ex sister in law has not been given notice of court dates. Visitation was granted but never followed through by my brother. My ex sister in law has been lied about. Gossiped about . Hateful things said to people to sway people to think she is not a good person. She has never committed a crime. She has done no wrong. Is a pharmacy tech. People that know her likes her. But no one will help her. The judge knows my brother and calls him by his first name. Even the CLS said my ex sister in law has grandparental rights. But my brother’s wife resents her. So… No visits. He even called me saying he would call my ex sister in law to let her see the baby. He never did. Now this woman has buried her daughter and can’t see her grandchild. My sister in law is broke, broken, and is afraid she will never see her little girls baby again. Because of who my brother and sister in law are… My ex sister in law has been so shunned that my brother and sister in law has forbidden my ex sister in law even talk to her teen aged son. N9t even legal services of North Florida will help. My ex sister in law can’t even get information from the clerk of courts because she know my brother and his wife.
        This is not only sad, but wrong!

    2. She has zero rights, only a judge can make that Decision, keep records of everything take pictures of the condition that the child comes over in. Your boyfriend is doing a great job all he has to do is keep being a great dad and follow the court orders as should.

  27. My daughter called me two years ago and said she made it to mediation, she was early and she was going to wait in the car to avoid seeing the kids dad. That was the last time I saw my grandkids. Dad was so angry mom missed her appointment that when she went to pick up the kids that afternoon after school, they were not there. Fast forward two years. mom still has not seen her kids. Dad has done everything in his power to keep the kids from mom. Called CPS and claimed bugs in the house. Called CPS she didn’t have bottled water. in the house. Called law enforcement more than once. it seems when one avenue didn’t work he was off to find another reason to keep the kids away. Just before the most recent hearing in December he pulled a move away. Our attorney came out and said judge was leaning towards giving dad full custody! They had already agreed to a reunification and now the kids were saying “let us move or we will never speak to you again” in California . . . no reunification, no move and no kids! a mothers and maternal grandparents biggest nightmare. . . never seeing a grandchild again

    1. The whole situation about mom being at the mediation but not going in sounds a bit strange. I’m wondering if there is more to it than that. As far as not seeing the kids for 2-years, who was involved in this case? Was there a child representative that has gone to both parents homes to investigate? Are there some issues with mom that maybe you are unaware of or that have been overlooked because of the relationship?

      There are certainly instances where the courts do not dole out the justice that a parent deserves when it comes to custody, visitation, or parenting time. Most of the time (not ALL the time), the courts don’t miss something this big to have a 2-year gap in parenting time – but it happens, on a rare, unfortunate and sad occasion.

      It sounds like there either might be more to it all than this, or that the courts really did not follow their own rules and have allowed dad to take advantage of the system to the detriment of both mom and these children. And that is so sad, indeed.

      There are laws in virtually every state regarding grandparent visitation and grandparent communication rights with kids though, and perhaps that should be explored as well so that you can enter the custody case as what is called a “3rd party intervenor”.

      No matter what, you need to fight, and that means putting your best foot forward, gathering evidence (not feelings, but serious evidence that you can hold in your hands or read on paper/phone from dad) that proves your side of the case.

      You need an expert child custody attorney to do this, and it might be time to explore if who you have already been talking to is good enough in this situation.

      1. Mother went to the location ALL her other mediations had been scheduled at. However, THIS mediation (arranged by father) was scheduled in a different city and it was not realized until she went in and spoke to the receptionist. By that time the appointment was in 15 minutes and she could not make it to the appointment in another city. She rescheduled but by the time she went to pick up the kids from school HE had already picked them up. There are many issues in this 5-year-custody battle that I did not cover. Even if this mother was uneducated or disabled this would not be a reason to take HER 3 children and leave her alone with her special needs child to care for.

        When we went into the court room the presiding judge made a “Brett Kavanaugh” comment which should be reported as well as the first two woman to go before him were requesting RO and they were reprimanded for crying. . .”there is no crying in this court room” I am just sick about this!

        1. That is absolutely awful that he tried this kind of trickery and deception to throw her off and then claim she was the one that didn’t show up or do the right thing.

          She needs to make sure that she documents everything going forward and every detail she can recall from the past so that a timeline of events (even if minor) can easily be recalled if needed. The next step would be to request a child representative be appointed to interview everyone, they spend time with kids, and they report to the judge what their recommendation is as to parenting time, visitation, and custody. This sounds like the only way for her to actually get the truth – from an unbiased source – to the judge in a way that will actually be presented in the manner the judge finds compelling.

          Don’t give up the fight, and make sure that everything done is done in a measured, calm, and stable manner – always being aware of how anything could possibly look negative, even if its not.

          1. Because of the long gap in visiting with mother (and prior to the move away request) both parents stipulated to a reunification through a family counselor. Each paid half. Mom and Dad met once. Then Mom and kids met once. Counselor said “looks like you don’t need me” This caused dad to withhold the kids again. When things don’t go dads way he withholds the kids. And now his move away scheme was granted. Kids have met with counselor and said “if we don’t get to move we will never speak to our mom again” and “its better opportunities for us in Texas” and “my dad is getting us ponies” The family counselor has met with both parents and each of the kids (provided notes to the court). Father gets granted the move away and mother gets summers ALONG WITH and including the ongoing reunification at fathers expense. First father says he will schedule after the holidays 2019. Now he said he couldn’t afford it until February 2020. Mother still has not seen her children or heard back from the counselor or legal counsel. If it was their child would they go two years without seeing their child? This is all about money now. Grandparents have paid over $10k fighting for this mothers rights for 5 years. Father? has never followed one court order but the courts see mom as a danger to her 3 school aged children but not her special needs infant son? Dads house is still for sale. I do not think we will ever see them now or for summer visits. Dad will obviously never put them on a plane. Why would dad withhold the kids for over 2 years and agree to all summer with mom? There is clearly no reason for fear of the kids safety now right? Also, his parents and his family are the only contacts the kids have had in 2 years no family members on mothers side have had any contact with the kids. How is that in the best interest of the children? Honestly I don’t know what they have been told but I don’t think we will ever see them again.

          2. He did it. Dad text Mom on a Friday night that he was leaving (moving) to Texas with the kids on Sunday. 36 hours notice really? He provided Mom no forwarding address, no school information, no phone numbers, no calls, no hugs, no kisses good-bye. Our biggest nightmare came true. Court granted him to cross state lines with 3 kids (to be returned in the summer) but he was never made to follow one court order. We now live with this huge hole in our heart and with his history, the children will never be put on a plane for a return visit.

  28. I have full physical and legal custody of my 3 yr old son. I have a court ordered 5 yr DV restraining order against my son’s father. He gets monitored visitation once a week with a court monitor. I just found out that my monitor has been taking my son out of LA county for visits and being untruthful with other information as it pertains to living situations where my son visits. He has brought my son back hours past the court ordered time without my permission before and is exhibiting untrustworthy behavior. What can I do about him taking my son out of the county and what would u suggest I do. I’m concerned I’m being lied to and I know of other dealings I would say are clearly conflicts of interest. Please help

    1. Who is this court monitor and are you certain that they are not allowed to have the parenting time take place at any location of their choosing?

      If not, you need to find out why they are violating a court order, if it states that they are not to be doing what they’ve been doing.

      As far as being hours late, with traffic issues, a little grace should be applied to not appear as though you are grasping at little things when bigger things exist. But if this is a regular occurrence, more than hour on multiple occasions, and if there is no notice provided (text, phone call, etc.) as to the late return and reason why, that is unacceptable.

      If this court monitor is a family friend or relative of your ex, then it is likely that a new supervisor is needed here. Keep in mind, that if a new supervisor is needed, and it becomes someone that is not a friend or relative, you may need to be partially responsible for payment of a professional supervisor.

      But ths is absolutely a situation that needs an attorneys attention, please contact an experienced child custody lawyer now!

  29. what about a mother who is withholding a child from seeing thier father. She’s evaded all the certified mail, officers who want to issue her court papers for visitation, etc. We recently had a court date to which she didn’t appear because she didn’t sign for the certified mail the courthouse sent. She has been doing everything to avoid, evade and just not deal with it. Dad pays and has been paying support each month without fail. Going to court to get visitation ordered by court, so it will be there in black and white (in writing) from the judge. How come in cases like this, the mother doesn’t get punished…surely there is a way to make her come to court to deal with it.

    1. In many jurisdictions, the sheriff’s office isn’t equipped to serve people as effectively as private process servers are able to do so. Certified mail is never good service for something like this, you want the papers put in her hand in person and a person sworn under oath to testify that she was personally served.
      Hire a private special process server and get her served, personally, with the papers and court order(s).
      Here is a helpful pace to locate a private process server, expert prices to be somewhere between $75-$150 for this, but well worth it.
      Next, once she is properly served, if she does NOT show up again, ask the judge to “issue a body attachment” for her. This is a warrant for her arrest where the sheriff’s office will pick her up and bring her to court in front of the judge to answer why she has refused to show up.
      Give us a call, speak to one of our expert father’s rights attorneys who can get some additional details from you and hopefully put you on track to getting the custody rights your family deserves.

  30. Long story short Me and my ex share joint legal custody while he has residential custody and I have visitation rights. (Due to our child staying in her home state DE while I live in PA) I been trying to have our child be with me full time but the court favors her father because she has painted a picture of our child being comfortable with him. The thing is he has withheld visitation from me at this point three times. The first was was before custody was established, second was after our hearing but before trial, third time is currently after custody been established with a court order. I filed for modification of custody in hopes they will modify our custody in a way to keep him from doing this to me and our child because at this point it obvious he is abusing his power. Should I consider any other legal action? Is custody modification the right choice? (I tried rule to show cause and they bypassed everything just slapped him on the wrist). He keeps our child from me and then gloats about having the child full time in order for the court to find me unfit to be the custodian parent (even though I raised our child). He been trying to erase me from our child’s life since we broke up in 2018 and I have proof of him refusing visitation (he literally sends text messages stating his actions) and proof of him not follow court order of allowing fair communication of our child while she is with him. What do I do to stop this? I can’t afford an attorney and legal aid isn’t consistent nor promised.

    1. Well this sounds like a very difficult situation, especially since you two are in different states. You have made some very good moves thus far though, because the recourse that you should be seeking should be to either modify the custody order for his visitation interference. The correct route is not necessarily a modification of custody (although it can be that in some instances). The correct method is the filing a a petition for rule to show cause. And every time he denies parenting time or violates a court order, file a new one. Many times, a judge will not make a drastic change in custody / parenting time even when a person should be held in contempt of court for violating a court order though. This may be based on whatever reasons the judge had for awarding residential custody to your ex, and it might depend on how long ago that order was entered. Many courts do not want a modification of custody sooner than at least 2-years, unless serious issues have arisen.

      You just need to continue to point out to the judge that big items are being violated in the court order – specifically, that your ex is not doing what the judge said to do (this is what judges hate – when people do not do what they say to do). Because of so many different aspects here, it is difficult to say why the judge would not slap more penalties on him than the judge did, but over time, if big items keep getting violated (don’t be petty, little things will annoy the judge, but visitation interference / denial will be valid every time), the judge will take notice, see a pattern of visitation abuse, and hopefully make a better decision.

      Hang in there, it is a difficult road. The best thing you can do is find a way to get an experienced child custody lawyer on your side. If that means working a 2nd or 3rd job or getting rid of a car payment, do whatever is in your means – this is your family you are fighting for. But there are some situations where this just is not possible, and if so, you have done a great job so far, just keep putting the pressure on when big items are violated and don’t ever give up.

  31. Can you help answer something?
    2 years ago my childs bio dad signed away sole custody with visitation at my discretion. My daughter was 2 at the time and bio dad had already been in and out her entire life. He has not requested visitation since. My husband and I reached out about a year ago to ask if he would sign his rights away for my husband to adopt her. Bio dad was all about it, shortly after we got married this past summer we began getting paperwork together but have been delayed on getting the adoption filed with the courts. We did send the papers and received them back signed and notorized from bio dad already and working on getting filed now but apparently we are not moving fast enough in bio dads eyes and he is now emailing me stating if its not going to happen he wants visitation..again I have sole custody and visitation is at my discretion, shes 4 now..hes claiming the court could hold me in contempt if I decline but based on his track record I feel it is not in the best interest to allow this. She does not know him and I am not sure if he is just trying to scare us into moving faster on the adoption but we reallyare working on it and hope we can get it filed by the end of this week. Would the court take him seriously with his track record?!

    1. If a court order says he gets parenting time / visitation, then he most likely can get it. Although, if he has not been around the child for years now, most courts would allow a modification based on that alone. If the visitation he could be afforded is only at your discretion, does that mean you can say no? Probably not what was intended. I’m guessing visitation is awarded to him but at a reasonable time (that you cannot just straight out deny for no reason). That would be typical.

      Best advice is to just keep the adoption moving and not allow another delay. What exactly is causing the delay? If it’s money, then someone needs to get a second or third job temporarily, or get rid of a car payment, or sell stuff that is gathering dust in a garage sale, etc. I’m not saying that you two aren’t trying to do what you can, I’m saying that the possibility that he throws this entire scenario of yours into the gutter because of a delay should be avoided at all costs – it might mean sacrifice for a short time but will reap the benefit of having this man out of your lives forever.

      Best of luck!

  32. I am going threw CPS right now and am in the process of getting placement for him in the mean time my sons mother gets it together and get clean because she tested positive for a controlled substance and is why CPS got involved in the beginning.so as of right now my sons in the NICU in the hospital and we had visits with him at the hospital until he gets placement.just yesterday they took my sons mother’s visits away because the nurse in the NICU made a false call when my sons mother was there visiting our son she reported to our social worker and our social worker called my sons mother and told her that her visits are suspended for right now.Our social worker never called me or said nothing about me.so I went to go try and visit him at the hospital and they denied me visitation with him…is it okay for her to punish me for her taken my sons mother’s away what do I do or what can I say I need answers I’m young and not to hip to knowing your rights stuff.please someone let me know thank you

  33. Here is a common situation that rarely gets talked about: Mother is custodial parent. She has provided all child care and child support, going through pregnancy, childbirth, post partum, and raising her child with absolutely no support of any kind from father. She takes no legal action against father. Father declares that he wants custody so that mother will have to pay him child support. He files for custody. The judge does not give him custody and orders him to pay child support. However, the child support order does not get enforced–father knows all the tricks of evading payment. At the same time that judge takes no enforcement measures, he orders visitation. Mother is to bring child to father and pick child up. the driving distance is considerable, and the visitations are weekly. Mother is not getting any support, but bears the burden of travel costs for visitations, using her paltry income. She also bears the burden of child returned without winter clothing he was sent in, which she has to continually replace–judge regards her request for reimbursement for these expenses as “petty”. Mother also has to bear the cost of taking off from work to facilitate visitations, even when father ends up not showing without any notice.

    The above details are one specific scenario. I know of other heartbreaking ones, differing only in detail. There are no advocates for these suffering, victimized mothers.

    1. You need a lawyer. Many times, a parent will stand before a judge and not present things properly. This frustrates a judge who likely has 500-1,500 cases on their docket at any given time. If things are not properly presented, the judges frustration can result in not getting you what you deserve.
      If a parent is not paying child support in violation of a court order, you should hire an attorney to pursue (what may be called something different, depending on the state), a “Petition for Rule to show Cause” or a “Petition for Indirect Civil Contempt of Court.” This shifts the burden to the other parent to prove why they violated the Court’s order (in this case, not paying child support). You must show proof that an Order was entered and that he has willfully refused to abide by the court’s order. This can result in contempt of court and possibly, if not followed through after contempt is ordered, jail time.
      It’s amazing how fast people that have no money all of a sudden come up with cash when the cuffs get put on in open court.
      Hire an attorney and make sure he or she is aggressive in their pursuit. Do not go this alone.

  34. I have 2 child from 2 different relationships. I have joint custody of both, however BOTH have refused for over 3 years to allow me to have any contact with my children. My dauhters father told her when she was 5 that Im not her mommy anymore that she has a new mom. Now I am ordered to pay 600 to my daughters dad and 300 to my son’s dad. That is more than HALF of my pay. My son’s dad has even allowed his girlfriend to physically harm my son. I am greatly concerned for my son’s well being. I have tried to get a check done on him and they won’t. My ex-husband is very much abusive. My son has to do all the cleaning in order to EARN his meals!!! The last time that I talked to my son he told me that he doesn’t want to be with his dad anymore, he wants to be with me!! I am greatly concerned and yet no one will help me.

  35. I have been ordered by the court to have supervised visitation with my kids. My 16yo daughter wants to visit me of her own accord without supervision. Is she legally allowed to bypass the order without her Mom’s approval?

    1. No do not violate a court order, especially one for supervised parenting time. She should just tell the supervisors and the court (or child representative if there is one) that all is fine. Never do anything, outside of an emergency (for court purposes, an emergency is defined as serious harm, abuse, danger only) unless the court allows you to do so! An emergency is ONLY something extremely serious, life or death serious.

  36. My son is 16 years old. Ever since his so called dad got custody I have gone years at a time without seeing my son. Since 2008 I have seen him maybe 4-5 times. The last time I seen him it was 2018 when he got in trouble shop lifting he had the police call me instead of his dad. He never even told the cops about his father. I showed up to pick him up and he was telling me bad things his father has been doing to him, so I went and talked to an attorney, the attorney flat out asked my son “what would your dad do if you called him up right now and told him you’re not going home?” My son then told the attorney ” my dad will beat me”. So the attorney said that I needed to go to the courthouse and get paperwork on a restraining order, and take it to dcfs so they could help me get it filled out after they talk to my son. So after we did that dcfs said to take my son home with me until court on the restraining order. Then the next week on a Monday, there was an officer at my door saying my sons father was out front waiting to take my son home. And I told the officer you need to see my sons reaction when he tells my son his dad is here for him. And then let the officer decide what to do after he sees my son’s reaction. Well…. my son came outside and we both told him his dad was out front and my son walked to the side of my house, he cried and banged his head real hard on the corner of my house. The cop called dcfs and they talked to my son and asked him what was going on and who he wanted to stay with and he said me. He stayed with me until the court on the restraining order. And only because my son was only 15 years old, the judge wouldnt talk to him, and because my sons father had custody, the judge sided with his father. And because of that I have not seen my son in over a year. And I only talked to my son one time since then.

      1. what if mom doesn’t let me child because she is sick. its my visitation time. I spoke with mom and I mentioned i will come and see how our daughter is doing and from there i will let her know if she would stay or come with me. Mom mentioned what if shes sleeping? should i call the cops?

        1. Illness and parenting time (visitation) is always a tricky situation. On the one hand, you might have a parent that is trying to protect their child and ensure they get enough rest, etc., when they are ill. On the other hand, we sometimes see parents using “illness” as an excuse to continuously deny parenting time or visitation.

          This is why it is absolutely essential that parents have a court-ordered parenting plan (otherwise known as a custody judgment, or allocation judgment, depending on your state). The parenting plan that the parties sign and the judge enters becomes the cornerstone for how all aspects of child-rearing, parenting time, visitation, and other aspects of raising a child are to be handled between the parents. One item that I believe is important to include (and some states actually mandate for a parenting plan to be compete), is a provision regarding what to do when a child is ill.

          Typically, I like to include language of a fever, maybe 100.5 or above, and that would mean no parenting time because the last thing a kid with a fever needs is to be removed from his bed and placed in the car. Another cause for denying parenting time in a reasonable manner would be things like other contagious illnesses (strep, stomach flu and vomiting, etc.). These normally seem pretty obvious.

          Now, if none of these things are true, and mom is simply denying visitation and claiming “johnny doesn’t feel well, his tummy is upset”, and it happens all the time, that is a cause for concern and questionable conduct by her.

          If there is a parenting plan in place, it should spell out these things; and if it doesn’t, the parenting plan should be amended to add this in.

          On another note, it is also, in my opinion, a form of visitation abuse to not allow a parent to check in on an ill child if they were in a hospital setting. This would call for a potential emergency motion to be filed, depending on the length of the stay and the illness itself.

          Now, lets say you do not have a parenting plan in place, in fact, let’s say that you two have never been to court yet. In that situation, there isn’t much you can do because, if unmarried, you most likely probably won’t even have any documentation stating that you are dad, legally, but you certainly will not have any court orders that could be enforced by either the police or anyone else. this is why it is absolutely

          Finally, lets assume that you do have a parenting plan entered by a judge and you believe she is violating it by claiming your child is sick. Should you call the police and ask them to enforce the court order? In almost all circumstances, no, you should not. This almost NEVER turns out to be a good idea. The correct route to take is to immediately file a petition for rule to show cause (ie. a motion for indirect civil contempt of court). You allege that she violated the parenting plan (a court order) by denying parenting time.

          Why not call the police? Numerous reasons.
          1. If your child is truly sick, it will make you look like a real jerk;
          2. Most of the time, the police will not do anything, they’ll tell you to go to court and inform the judge (that’s my advice as well!); and
          3. Whether the police make her turn your child over or not, does this sound like something a judge is going to be happy about? Having the police escort a child out of their house to hop in your car? Of course not.

          Give our team of child custody professionals a call and we can go over some more details to see what is going on and how you can best get the rights you deserve.

  37. We have a trial court hearing August 16th the bio mother has not paid her part of the GAL but we have. What should we expect going into court if she has still yet to pay. Also is it true you can block all motion from the bio mother for her not paying GAL?

  38. Danielle bowman

    My child goes to his fathers every other weekend, when he comes home and his brother goes home to his mother they both complain about not having but a bowl of cereal all day and drinking nothing but sprite all day when my son goes on Friday he has gel in his hair when he is returned to me he still has gel in his hair if he isn’t being bathed I know he isn’t brushing his teeth. The fathers girlfriend is always smoking in the front seat infront of him when he is dropped off what can I do I have offered to send items he needs have asked her not to smoke with him in the car I know I can’t not send him over there but I want my child to have food n drinks and his hygiene kept up for the time he goes.

  39. If the judge put in an order for the father to give the mother his weekly schedule so that she can plan visitation time, does the mother have the right to not make a schedule if he doesn’t not send over his schedule?

    Can she be held in contempt of court?

  40. He’s the issue non married couple. Father was the caret a kerb for four years. He is on child birth certificate. They break up no abuse. Mother leaves state out of vindictiveness with the child. Before custody papers can be served. Now neither parent or child can be found. Mother is hiding child her friends are helping. When we find her. What can possibly be the fallout. She is hiding the child to avoid being served. That’s just not right

    1. Going through this right now with my brother… it is a parent’s worst nightmare. I hope you have found resolution and can share the rest of your story. 🙁

    2. Helpful Politician

      In Oklahoma I am in the process of passing a new law allowing children 14+ to sit in on a court case, if it gets passed it could help a lot of people but I need support if you agree with this please say I, but you don’t have to put your real name, in fact, stay anonymous the more support I have the better so if yall agree let me know. Thank you for all the help!

    3. If a mother is out of state on a job. Does the father have the right to denying their ant from getting them while she is gone.

    4. What if your kids were temporarily taken out of your care by children’s division (as in not rights have been terminated at all) they are just temp in my dads care because the department needed proof I had a job and somewhere to live, is the department allowed to deny visits ? They are saying i can only visit in their office but their office hours and days interfere with my daughters kindergarten school hours so they said “they aren’t denying it, they just can’t pull her out of school “ it’s the state of Missouri and children aren’t legally made to attend kindergarten !! What rights do I have !? I thought I had all my rights still because no judge has terminated them, but they are treating me like they have, refusing visits not giving me the names of doctors or numbers that I’ve asked, not telling me about appointments until after them! Etc. keep in mind , they took them because I needed help and then worded it differently … They said reunification is what they’re trying to work towards, but they’re denying me visit, they only allow me to talk to my children to days out of the week, would not let me see them unless I’m in the departments building, can you please let me know what’s legal? And what’s not?

  41. So I am 15 I don’t want to see my father, my mom says if I go down to Texas he will have full custody because she’s not there to be with me . Is there a way that I make it so he can’t take me if I don’t want to go or do I just have to go with it.

    1. I agree with you 100% on how the courts favor women and how a lot of women use the kids like toys. I did not happen like that with my case. We separated made our own decisions about the kids but he went behind my back to court even told them he had no clue where I waz living (5mins down the road) never was served papers he went to court and of course ms not knowing about it I was not thers and the instintly awarded him everything so on the time we agreed upon before that to get the kids he got them showed me the papers and took the kids as well as my vehicle or our vehicle since it was in both our names which made him have 2 now they ended up giving me supervised visitation by who he said was ok which was always him. Now this was in 2010 we started seeing each other 2004 I was 16 him 23 2005 I had our first child and of course everything was rainbows and sun shine in the beginning and I was 16 with a 23 yr old a lot of 16 yr olds would be all giddy about that well I dropped out of school due to no parent or guardian well school basically kicked me out he said oh I will marry you so you can go back (this is before I ended up pregnant) well lets just say I waited for that day for so long and it never came. 8 months pregnant he put his hands on me I over looked it of course I had no where to go if I left and I was young and still oh so in love 2007 pregnant with second child 2009 3rd 2010 he is award everything all this time he never wanted me to work eveeything was in his name I nevee was able to establish credit or work experience and my kids are what I live for and they are all momma babies so I ended up going back with in 2 weeks of him getting them its been hell ever since due to still not being able to work or have any thing or even go back to court so its now 2019 he still has custody I’m still here my oldest is 13 it has hurt them seeing all of this they act strong but I know its killing them I have even went to court with picture of black eyes was told ma’am he has custody you will havs to leave and hire a lawyer and file and I’m sure that all comes down to he had a lawyer and I did not.

  42. frustrated parent

    My frustration is that all my family court judge does when I take my ex-wife back to court for denying me access to our children is to tell her that she “will be” in contempt of court if she doesn’t stop letting me see our children.

    And yet, I was declared to be in contempt of court for non-payment of child support when the local prosecutors office screwed up my payroll deduction.

    A lawyer explained things to me this way. States get financial kickbacks under the Child Support Performance and Incentive Act for increasing the gross amount of child support collected, but there are no financial incentives for enforcing visitation, so the states chase the money,

    1. My husband lost contact with his son the mother said we would never see him again, anytime we had a chance we sent money and sent gifts. Now 17 years later she hit him with back child support, they won’t even take into consideration that she disappeared with the child and the won’t accept the thousands of dollars we sent as payment of child support. Good news for us there were many years of proof of alienation, Malious mother syndrome, and many more only problem is we can find a lawyer in the state we live to practice in the state they live

  43. Concerned father

    All I see on here is mothers bashing men. I can tell you as a father that many of the claims against men are not true. In many cases, women tend to use children to control custody. A lot of them think that if the relationship is sour, then he is a bad father. Now do not get me wrong, there are bad fathers out there. But there are just as many bad mothers. Sex has nothing to do with being able to parent. In many cases, at the end of the relationship, the women cries abuse. She never said anything before, but now all of a sudden during custody and CHILD SUPPORT she claims abuse. Women are naturally over sensitive and do not always portray situations as they actually occur. Just how the “feel” about the situation. The mother of my youngest has badly lied in motions filed with the court in order to obtain custody and child support. She has gone as far as trying to say that our son is not saying he wants to be with his father, he wants to stay at his dads and sleep in his bed, and puts up a fight when mom comes to pick him up. She has told the court that I have lied and just put these words in the child’s mouth. How can anyone say that, unless it is about control. She is not interested in what the child wants or feels. Just about getting even about our failed relationship. As many men and good women have seen, if the women is not happy, then the father must not be either. And the best way to fight against him is to control the child. Women tend to use the courts and the law to their advantage. They tend to view women as the victim NO MATTER what she does to the man. You would have to meet someone from another country to know that the courts like fathers for one reason; child support. They are extremely bias against men. Unless the mother is dead or a known murderer or drug dealer, they will do anything in their power to keep the child with the mom. And that is because they know that typically the men make more money thereby ensuring the courts financial future and the man having to pay for everything. The state and courts will never do anything that puts a strain on their budgets. And awarding custody to a father does that. And women know that. They play the victim at every turn. But when a man cries for help, the courts turn their back on them and say, ‘be a man.’ I thought we live in 2018 as the women’s groups claim. Yet men get the back end when it comes to their children. When the courts claim ‘the best interest of the child’ they really mean the best interest of their jobs and financial future.

    1. I loved your story not in a good way but informative. I am a Grandmother of a beautiful 2 yo granddaughter and my son has basically gone through many if these things in just 2 short years and where does it end?
      Do you know of any support groups or advocates that are in Georgia I would love to learn more about the mind set of Judges in Georgia and why they feel like a “scorned woman” is always truthful without much other considerations. My son and his attorney spent countless hours of preparation and mediators to only have a judge rule in the mom’s favor. Then when mom violates the order like taking child in vacation the week dad is supposed to have the Dad must call attorney and pay more money to have it basically laughed at and have mom agree to return the time. There are no consequences to the mother’s of botched cases. I know she is a good mother and have no doubts my granddaughter is well cared for i actually did not want her locked up but there have got to be consequences. I just want to fight for Dads voices to actually be heard in court and not brushed aside thanks for your aryicle again ans any Advocates ypu knoq of in the Athens area

    2. I agree whole-heartedly with everything you said, except one thing: there are not “just as many” bad moms. There are literally twice as many. You wouldn’t know it unless you saw the statistics regarding child abuse perpetrated by fathers versus mothers. It’s insane. Also, 89% of the men incarcerated in out jails and prisons come from single MOTHER households. NOT single fathers. And the media keeps portraying it as if all these men are just up and leaving their families and shirking responsibility. I’m looking at you Prager U. This simply is not the case. Women KICK THE MEN OUT so they can live off of child support and welfare, while simultaneously not having to “put up” with the “inconvenience” of having a man in the house trying to be a man and lead his family. This is all about the money. Transfer of wealth from men to women by means of not only child support, but also welfare programs. Studies show that women are not net tax payers as a gender. So many women are leaching off of the system that they take out more in the form of benefits than they are paying in. Sure, a lot of women are net tax payers and receive no benefits. I get that. I’m just saying that as a whole, they aren’t. Feminism, gynocentrism, and egalitarianism will be the death of our society, and eventually our species. The birthrates in the West have been sharply declining for decades now since 1st wave feminism. And it gets worse every year. What did we all think was going to happen when we empowered women? Utopia? LOL. Guess again, people.

    3. Theresa Saunders

      You’re so right. I see my husband going through this same situation and it’s heart breaking. He wants to see his children and he pays child support and yet he can’t see them or even talk to them on the phone. The mom knows she can get her way because her family can afford an attorney for her whereas my husband can’t so she wins. I wish you and all of the other good father’s out the best.

    4. I beg to differ. I’m a woman who was abused by my partner who happens to be a cop. I was hospitalized, head stitches and more. And do you know what my attorney said? Can anyone verify that? Were there witnesses? YES my twin toddlers and his other child! Not good enough. Pictures upon pictures. And HIS lawyer attacks me in court and for everything. He fails to pick up kids then decides the next day he wants them… I’m busy at that time and it’s not in the court order anyway… HE files a police report and his lawyer tries to sanction me in court. He calls me the c$&t and b$&?h and whore and more but my passive aggressive responses are questionable to my mental state. I can give a dozen more examples. It’s not just men victimized. It’s all of the kids involved with an abusive man or woman and a legal system that sides with the abusers. Because that’s exactly how it goes.

      1. Agreed abusers abuse regardless of gender. Good parents whether single married or estranged must fight for their kids no matter the cost they will thank you later in life when they figure out how sick the abusive parent is and likely will not want anything to do with them and need that stable parent as a buffer

        1. Excellent response, J. It is definitely something that people need to hear more often.
          Any time abuse is present in a home, it is always on the other parent to fight for the safety and well-being of their children. One of the most difficult things that needs to be done is documenting the abuse in a manner that it can be used as actual “evidence” in court – he said/she said is hardly ever good enough. There should be the ability to have statements from a psychiatrist or therapist and a history of this to put forward. There should be pictures, possibly even video, of the events or the aftermath. And there always needs to be a support system to help. This goes for all types of abuse – physical, mental, and emotional – which can range from denial of parenting time / visitation to verbal or physical.
          Yes, most of the time, the children will eventually find out which parent stood up for them, and it is equally important to not give up the fight now to protect them as well.

    5. I agree my sons ex took his daughters he has with her and mkoved across country before we could even file for custody. They were with us all summer while she was in her relationship with an abusive controlling man. I hope they both get in troublle as her boyfriend said we cant see them for two years.

    6. I am a woman and I totally agree with you. My son lives in Florida and the mother of his child got angry at him and called cops and cried abuse. The mother then took his 4 month old daughter and moved to Rhode Island and has blocked the father and the rest of his family from any and all contact ie social media, telephone. We can’t even see a picture of her and she will be 3 yrs old in March and was taken away the day my granddaughter was 4 months old. Granted my son does have a felony record but that was yrs ago and he has since straightened his life out, has a wonderful gf and a beautiful baby boy. He would love to pay child support but doesn’t know where she lives. She went to court and had the child’s last name changed to hers but my son is on the birth certificate. Can she legally do this? We want our little girl in our life. What rights, if any, does he have?

  44. I have a 4 year old daughter that my ex has not seen since she was about 4 months old. The reason behind this is because he is a level 3 sex offender who rapped a 9 year old when he was 18. I got CPS called on me and we had a meeting where I almost lost both my children. I have a son from another relationship. CPS did not take the children as long as I agreed to never have contact or the children never have contact with my ex again. I have done just that. I moved, changed my number, left my job and got a different vehicle. He has been posting things on social media saying that I am gonna go to jail because what I am doing is called parental Alienation. That I am digging my own grave. I have not talked to him since I got a restraining order against him in may of 2015. Now I got all the paper work for the meeting I had with CPS but not the safety plan which stated to never have contact with him again or my kids would be taken. I asked for all paperwork including that but they did not give that to me. I am trying to protect my daughter because my ex also did not have any treatment while he was in prison. He also has another 2 year old son he does see but I am not sure the mother knows of his criminal past. I was told to let him take me to court that a judge will laugh at his case. I am not trying to do anything other that protect my daughter. That is all.

    1. Hi, Kelsey
      http://www..org/FOIA request any documents, transcripts from anything, Freedom of information act, u . did u know he was a sex offender when u met? and yes, the other childs mother has every right to know he is a sex offender. u should not communicate ur personal buss on social media.u should do ur setting to block him from ur page, and dont forget that if he is friends with any of ur friends on social media he has access to your conversations. do everything through legal channels and confidently.

  45. My 3 year olds father & i were not together. He was practically married when she was conceived. I went through the whole pregnancy by Myself..the birth..and the first couple months all on my own until multiple paternity tests were done with the father. We tried to make a good faith agreement out of the court system but did not last long before he was only paying me $25/week and saying he shouldnt have to pay me because he takes care of her the 3 days a week she was there. So much else has happened but in Nov2017 he decided he was just gonna sign over his rights to my new husband. 4 months later he has not and now is serving me court papers for joint custody. Remind you he didnt pay support the almost 1 1/2 yrs before this and was down to every other weekend yet still couldnt spend much time with her when she was actually there. Now what do i do

    1. Did you get a reply on this? I am curious because it’s very similar to my current situation.
      Thanks.

    2. Lindsay, u dont state if u r working with the court system otherwise ur situation can be resolved legally. also u and your husband can file for custody of child, this procedures are free with the court system. second if he at one time gave u full custody as long as it was legally done, then u should have that agreement. third, people should be reanonable, how can a manpay more child support if he had the child for three days when he has to work in order to pay. things must be solved in an intelligent manner

  46. I have a 4yr old girl and 7 month old son, my ex doeant pay cbildsupport and I’m too afraid of him to request ot through the state… He has given me a total of $46 this year.. He lives 8 hours away as I left the state we were living in, back in sep 2016 he also has 4 other kids by another woman that she has to constantly fight to get child support she and me had a lot of problems till I left my ex and now were on ok terms… My ex has threatened bodily harm to me and I tried to get a restraini g order but when I couldnt find an address for him it lapsed everybody hid him until it was too late… He is 52 and a violent ex con I’m 26 with no record never been in trouble and have raised my daughter by myself until coming back to family.. He knocked me up on a visit and denied my son the whole time until he seen him at the hospital mafe a special trip just to try to prove he wasnt his… He is a hard core drug addict and I’m afraid he will hurt me as he has in the past mental physical financial gaslighting whole nine yards… Took me over a year to be able to completely function properly after finally leavi g him… I left everything behind and I have to fight to get even little scraps of stuff back… There is no custody visitation or childsupport order a because I’m afraid to do the childsupport and b because he hasnt worked in like 8 mos hes on unemployment and I w/o t get it anyways… He never sees them says it’s because I moved so far away he turned my ex best friend into a foper and know she defends him against anyone who says hes bad… Which he is so I told him dont come see the kids as he is planning a visit because I know he is on drugs right now meth to be specific and I’m wondering if I can get it used against me when I ha e real concerns that ;e would t be able to properly supervise my daughter as he comes down or is off for only a day.. He never helped me at all she loves him but only becau s he plies her with candy which I try to regulate ot make sher too crazy he doesnt have a relationship with my son he thinks my bf is dada not my ex and as he isnt partial to his sons anyway he has 3 girls 3 boys and he favors his daughters.. Do I have to let him see them if I feel like he will be a danger to their well-being nkt to mention he could run woth her to out of state I do my best to supervise on occasion I have let them have time alone but hes sick and his 2nd daughter has recently come out with allegations against him told to a family friend that when he would sell her for dope to his buddies… It isnt proven bit it runs along with proof that i have that he likes underage girls… What can I do.. What are my rights.. I went to my states legal aid but they dont have the resources to help me.. And I cant afford a lawyer.. I really need the help any advice or suggestions would be greatly appreciated

    1. Also he rarely calls to talk to her I have to initiate contact. Hes on my daughters birth certificate but not my sons and they both have his last name as I didn’t want them to be different even though we weren’t together when my son was born I left him when I was 3 mos pregnant… I have proof of the last time he hurt me and proof of him trying to get pics from an at the time underage girl.. I’m trying to get the video proving he is shooting dope but its a bit complicated as it was given to a landlord where my ex friend used to live.. I’m scared for her safety around him as well as my safety if I piss him off

  47. I think it really is sad that parents can not work out things for their children. You may not be together anymore but you are parents. So, really that will make you together. If you take care of your children when you were together. Well you should continue to take care of them. But court systems also do not understand that each situation can be a bit different. For instance: A child is very ill and the custodial parent has to send that child to the non-custodial parent while that child is ill. Tell me how that benefits that child while ill. The parenting plan should take that in consideration. Instead of stating the custodial parent is breaking the parenting plan. No, they are being a parent. Something these children need. And we wonder why some kids grow up with issues that they are paying for caused by the court system being faulty.

    1. so what makes you think you are the parent that can take care of the child while ill?

      What makes you think the other parent is not capable. you sound very sexist right now… Are you inclining that woman are the only good parents in this world?

      1. Both a ridiculous question and reply. At first glance it’s a woman posing the question relating custodial and non custodial parents. Then what appears to be a woman replying goes right to sexist? There are no specifics given. Why can’t it just be that one person is more skilled and patient when it comes to taking care of a sick child. That’s me, I’m a man. My son lost 20% of his body weight when he was under 2 years old because his mom didn’t take care of his cough and congestion. So yes, some parents are better than others at those situations and if it’s brought before the court the judge should make a decision in the best interest of the child.

        1. My name is Tiffany I have a Question I am paying child support and the father will not let me see my Son what can I do.

  48. Trying to help a friend out, right now there is no custody agreement in place, they are working with the judge on that, but her ex won’t let her see her kids at all or talk to them. She wants to see them on the Holidays but he won’t let her, what can she do?

    1. There’s a lot of information on the web related to modification of court orders and it’s not a quick thing lot’s of research is expected if she wants to resolve her issue

  49. I have legal and primary physical custody of my two children. My ex who lives in another state, moved in September. I didn’t find out until Jan. He had visitation with our children in March. He didn’t voluntarily provide his address, so I asked. He provided me with a PO Box. I asked again and got no response, so I didn’t send them. I sent him a message letting him know that when he provides the address, I will send them. I consulted with my attorney who told me he had to provide a verifiable address. He provided me with a physical address. By the time I verified it, unknown to me, he had filed Ex-parte. He was awarded legal fees and costs. Did I not have a legal right to have the address? I asked the court for reconsideration as I was not trying to maliciously deny the visit. The judge upheld her decision when I asked the court for reconsideration. Should I appeal? I released my attorney for failure to respond to the ex-parte and the bad legal advise.

    1. my child was almost forced to have sex with 3 grown men my her bi polar mother…do still say there is no good reason

  50. Hi. I have a 8 year old son whom I raised on my own until the age of 6. My sons biological father has wanted to become a couple again since we separated when our son was 1. Well my sons grandmother works for dcfs and the day after I told my sons dad we would never be together( because he was abusive) dcfs went to my son’s school and removed him as well as went to my daughter’s daycare and removed her( my daughter has a completely different father). My son was questioned in a room with a doctor whom I never saw and a case worker who later was fired due to false statements made on her behalf.the 2 months later, the courts granted my ex custody of my son. I was able to speak and see my son until this past December. I haven’t spoken to him, his dad will not answer my calls or reply to my messages. He sent my son to live with his grandparents who live 6 hours away. I need help finding a way to see my son and get him back into my life please.

    1. Omg I’m. So sorry. This is almost exactly my situation! I’m devastated and and it’s not fair to me I keep getting screwed over by 2 deadbeat dads who all of a sudden are so called great dads out of the blue only to be spiteful. I’ve always been a great mom and raised my kids. I can’t afford an attorney, my sons have been bounced around me not getting medical attention they need to and I still can’t get them. I do not understand. I’m fed up. I pray for you to get your baby boy back home too. It has to happen for us. I don’t know how to live until then.

  51. Eric Missing his son

    For the past 9 years i have had supervised visitation with my son every other weekend with my mother having to be with us the whole weekend, well long story short my mother is no longer able/around to be there. After 9 years I’ve never been in any pookegal problems although my ex has DUI’s so since my mom can’t be there my ex will not let me see or sp end time with our son, what can I do? Please Help

  52. My ex girlfriend lives in one state and I am in another.
    She will not allow my child to come to my state. She said
    I have to go there to visit him. What are my rights and how often
    should I be able to bring my child to my state.
    She was very mentally, physically, verbalally abusive to me
    to where I finally just had to leave the state and go back to
    my home state.
    What can I do? What are my right?

    1. Concerned father

      The issue is that the state already hates you because of your sex. You are guilty until proven innocent. Sadly, the states take a women’s word and need nothing else. You on the other hand have to prove beyond a doubt that she is unfit. And when I mean beyond a doubt, it is more than your word. First I would recommend filing for custody in your state if custody was determined in your state. If she has been granted custody in her state, you will need to file there. There should be a pro-se office at the county court where she lives that can help you file the proper motions. Whether you were married or not determines your next move. Whether paternity is established or not is your very first move. If you are on the birth certificate, then you have a right to file for visitation or custody where the child resides or where custody has been determined. If you had custody or visitation, she cannot just up and move without notifying the court. Doing so is a contempt of court order. If there was a court order, she cannot just up and move as she sees fit. The courts however much they hate fathers do not like this. If she has custody in the state she resides, then it will be hard to get normal visitation or custody if you live in another state. So first, if your on the birth certificate, file at the local court. If you know her current address, you will need to serve her properly once you determine your next move. If custody was determined in your state, and she just up and left, you still need to serve her where she currently lives. If custody was determined in your state, she must answer your motion. If not, you must file in her state. Good luck

    2. Do you have a court order agreement? If not please consider it. My boyfriend’s child and ex moved away but the CO agreement states she has to pay for the flights when it is dad’s parenting time. Also anytime she decides to visit she has to allow enjoyable reasonable access time with dad.

  53. My ex likes to control and hide himself and my daughter when she is with him. In the past he has moved, bought different vehicles, and switched license plates several times. I took him back for enforcement and the judge said it was all just a misunderstanding and to get along. Well two months ago he moved again but out of town this time. I didnt allow my daughter to go with him for safety reasons (he drinks and gets dwi and I wouldn’t know where to look if something happened) I told him if he gave me his current address he could resume visitation. He didnt see her for two months. THen his lawyer sent me a letter saying he was living with his mother and might possibly move to a specific address in the next two months. I let him have my daughter for visitation. She came back saying they went to daddys new house not grannys and that some man was living there too.(he has had a roommate before who had just got out of rehab and was doing/dealing drugs and was arrested at his house previously) The information he gave was false. What do i do next? Do i have to let him have my daughter because he gave an address when it was a lie?

  54. My child was with her dad over the weekend. He told her that if the police came to the door to tell them he is not home. When our daughter came home she told me what happened and started crying because she doesn’t want to lie but if she doesn’t she feels she will be responsible for sending daddy to jail. I don’tw ant to send her there is he has warrants for his arrest. What are my legal obligation?

  55. I have full custody of my daughter the court granted every other weekend visitations to her father who is the non-custodial parent we’ve been battling visitations child support and all the above for the last four years at this moment he recently moved in with a new girlfriend and he refuses to give me his new address . I feel as if I have the right to know the address of where my daughter will be staying he refuses to give me the address so I have written a letter stating that he will not get any type of visitation rights or information of our daughter until he releases his new address only for safety purposes I’m sure he will bring the police and the letter of course stating that he has rights to visitation but I also have rights to that is my daughter her safety is my concern what do I do the last thing I want to do is go to jail or deal with any authorities

    1. 4/16/2018

      Perhaps he may be doing this because he feels that you may start to harass his girlfriend in some way like it happen to me and she did not let me see my kids because she was jealous but when he takes you to Family Court for Contempt of the time sharing parenting plan you will have to be prepared for the explanation as to why you are with holding his visitation.

  56. My daughter’s father is suppose to get her every 1st and 3rd weekend, but he has not in 9 months. He also hasnt saw her since August. He filed something in court a few days ago (will pick up papers on Monday), and sent the police to my house this morning. The police didn’t get involved because it is a civil matter. He also has an active DUI warrant. What do I do? Yes, there is an order in place, but I’m afraid for my child. Since the order has been in place (since last March), he has saw her maybe 10 times. Should I continue where they left off and just let him get her, even though he has the DUI, no insurance, and hasnt saw her in the past 9 months?

  57. I have partial joint custody of my daughter. Her mother has recently split up with fiance and got with this other guy. They are staying in a motel. They are both legaly mentally unstable and im afraid for my daughters well being. They are abusing there meds and her new boyfriend has warrants and is a stalker. Is it legal for me to keep my daughter from her mother? She is 8 and says she wants to live with me and they are constantly yelling and arguing.

  58. My ex and I recently split, we have a daughter together and I pay child support, however she doesn’t allow me to see my daughter, I want to go to court but I have a warrant that has been sentenced but never got taken care of, what can I do to get visitation rights for my daughter without having to do time so that I also don’t loose my job? I have a really good relationship with my daughter but her mom does not allow me to see her. Please give me some advice. Thank you

    1. Well, I suppose you need to figure out how to handle the warrant issue so that you do not get immediately brought into custody. In many instances, the family law courts will have no idea about any outstanding warrant, but this is probably not a gamble you want to take. The best advice would be to fix the warrant issue first (pay whatever fine you may owe, etc.) and then move forward with filing for visitation.

  59. I want to know if I am allowed to not let my ex see our kids. He got a dui last weekend with my kids in the car and the police called me to pick them up from the police station. this is in Connecticut. He is supposed to have visitation again with them this weekend for a family reunion (his family) and I do not feel safe with the kids even being in his presence. What can I do?

    1. Withholding visitation or an emergency reason can be acceptable, but only if it is extreme in nature and immediately preceded with an emergency motion. Call us right away. you do not want to get held in contempt of court – our affiliated attorneys and child custody professionals will prepare an emergency motion to stop visitation and force him to get help first, keeping your kids safe!

  60. my ex she will not have any contact with me or let me see my daughter she filed for child support and then when i filed a respond they enterd a jugedment against me and never proved that i was the father but i am paying child support i really do not know what to do because i cant afford alawyer or have enoght confindence to hold my own reperation so i really need help and i got a dna test that i bought off line and it said that i was the father but i have missed a total of 12 months out of a 18 month that my daughter has been alive

    1. A judgment back to the date of birth for a newborn in a child support case is not out of the ordinary. However, if you want to request your fathers rights to visitation, you need to file a separate petition for visitation, not merely a response to the child support pleading. We can help, with our team of nationwide fathers rights experts. Contact us right away to learn how to file your petition for visitation.

      1. Hi…..
        My so. Is going through same senerioul he can afford layer…he is not on birth certificate child was born in South Carolina and now lives in Ohio. Is it possible to file these papers with out a attorney or is there a program to help him and for me being grandparent I ant to see the child also….how do I get help….where do I call or go….?.please advice

  61. A modification of custody is in the works. I filed because my ex will not work with me at all. I was in the military and deployed when my son was born in 2010. Two weeks prior to returning stateside I was notified of impending divorce. I ended up just signing her list of r rules for custody, just so i could start a relationship with my son, figuring I could change them later. My son is now 5 and she will not change a thing. She told me I have to take her to court to do so. As it is right now I see my son every other weekend from 10-6 on Sat.and Sun. I have to be supervised by one of my brothers. I cannot have my son around any 3rd person unless the ex ok’s it, which she never does. In my ex’s mind, the 3rd party means family also. She cancels my time whenever she has something going on and will offer me the following weekend. Sometimes I don’t get my son because my brothers can’t make this change. Now to the current problem. This weekend I should have my son but she refused to let me have him. Her lawyer filed an emergency modification of custody on June 9th, on the 12th I received a copy of this. The judge did not sign off on it. I also received a notice to schedule mediation.(like I said,I was already in process of modifying custody with next step being shortlist). On Friday the 12th I received a text from ex saying, that she filed the emergency motion and she was not giving me my son this weekend. She is aware that the judge did not sign off. I said, so you are making the decision for the judge.She texted, well if she doesn’t sign off by next week then you can have him next weekend. What can I do about this? She has a lawyer and I really can’t afford one. I think this is considered contempt but I don’t know what to do about it. Any suggestions? I need help.

  62. My girlfriend is currently struggling when dealing with her ex husband. She had 3 children with them and she left him because he was very controlling and manipulative. He is currently staying in a 1 bedroom mother in law suite and they have shared custody 50/50. So for every other week all three kids pile in a room with their father and sleep.(he is capable of making 80,000 he holds 2 master degrees) He is recently getting married, and has talked about plans of joining the service. We think he’s planning on marrying this girl and she will watch the children while he is on his 12 week training. The girl he is marrying has only met the children 2 times and the children have told us she has already cuddled with them when their father is not around. If he does join the service does my girlfriend have an option to not leave the children with their step mom while their father is away?

  63. I am in a hard situation with the father of my children. I have two children with him and in the past week they have been saying that they don’t want to spend both weeks of winter break with him and then just two days ago my daughter said that she doesn’t want to go at all. She says that her father corners her and drills her about what is going on at my house and she is tired of him lying to me and putting them in the middle. I am afraid that he is mentally/emotionally harming them and am curious as to what my rights are to withhold them until it is either confirmed or denied that there is nothing to be worried about regarding them mental well being. I am searching very diligently for counseling for them and am wondering if I have to force them to go see their father when they don’t want to. Thank you.

  64. Hi I have a divorce decree in Georgia where I, the father, only gets to see my daughters every other weekend. I owe a little money in child support and have been paying regularly even though I’m not working. My ex wife is so bitter that I still owe she has withdrew my daughters from school and told me I would never see them again. She recently contacted me stating she is in Mississippi and she won’t provide me with an address to subpoena her to court. I have not seen my daughters and I feel like the court systems are not supporting me because I don’t have a lawyer, which I can’t afford. I’m devastated worrying about my daughters and now they are so far away. Is it legal for her to withhold visitation and move out of state?? What should I do to get full custody, she has been arrested in the past for child endangerment which she withheld from the courts during our divorce degree. please give me the best advice available.

  65. I live in St.Thomas in the U.S. Virgin Islands. I had a child with a woman who also lived here. After dozens of incidents of disharmony I filed for a visitation hearing so I could spend time with my daughter without the mother around. at this point she has refused to let me see the baby at all. She has avoided the Marshall’s that were trying to serve her the papers 7 times and has lied to them regarding her where abouts. I showed up in court at the designated time but the mother did not show as she has not responded to any e-mails and has since secretly moved back with her parents in Alabama. I have not seen my daughter in almost two months although I have been paying and have already paid thousands in child support. The mother is taking the stance that if I don’t want her than I cant have the baby either. So she was never served the papers for visitation. Is there anything i can do? Thank you.

    1. File an emergency petition to bring the child back to your jurisdiction. A judge should grant the order and you can place it in the hands of the Alabama State Police to pick her up and have her forced to bring the child back.

  66. My ex and i have been divorced for a year now. We have one daughter who is two years old. She believes that she can withhold visitation whenever the child is sick and forces me to re scheduled… is this possible if we have joint custody but shes the primary custodian?

    1. Not necessarily, but most judges would probably agree with mom that if the child is ill, the child should probably stay at home and rest. Call our team and we’ll see what we can do!

  67. Hi, my name is joyce west and my son name is john mcallister, he is in jail,but the problem is that for years he had been trying to get his son mother to have a blood test done, but she would not do it, because she wanted her boy friend to be his father,so she kept saying no,no.then she got sick no one heard from her for years.the she move in with her friend about a year and later she died.the girl that has my grandson file custody.the judge give her custody.now we will never get to see him.can you help us please.i cant put everything in this letter.

  68. How Do I Change Custody to Live with My Mom?
    Custody has recently been changed between my parents so me and my sister now live with my father. He is a horrible man, and we can’t stand living here. My summer so far has consisted of fighting, yelling, crying, and unhappiness. My father refuses to even let us see our mom. I have recently started just staying in my room, but my father has decided to get me to come out for cleaning. Me and my sister are heartbroken by being taken from our mom who has raised us for the past 5 years (most of our childhood). My father is a mean person, and spreads nothing but negative vibes wherever he goes. I miss my cat, I miss my mother, I miss my home. I am 16 years old and live in Georgia, what can I do and where should I start in order to fix this horrible disaster? My mother is filling for a change in custody, and my father plans to go on the offensive and keep her from us. What can I do and where should I start??

  69. i have a concern my son has a 2and 1/2 yr old son that lives with his mother . they were sharing him 7 days with on and 7 days off. this was working very nice now she believes that he should be put in day care 5 days a week and my son to only get him everyother week . which is taking away my sons time and also my grandson valuable time from to know his father . they were never married . she has lived with us for 8 yrs now we barely speak what can i as a grandmother do and also my son do to keep his son in his life. he is not a wealthy person is trying his best to get ahead but his main concern is and always will be his son

    1. Nicholas Baker

      This is a difficult situation. I understand that it is expensive and difficult to find an attorney for obvious reasons. My advice is to find a way to get some money together and figure out some payment plans with a local attorney. Your son needs to file a petition to establish parentage. This is the process that allows a father to establish paternity and thus, get his father’s rights. Showing that he has had a form of joint child custody by having shared 50/50 the child will go along way if you get in front of a judge as soon as possible!

      1. My ex-husband was ordered to pay child support he was recently fired from his old job so I felt bad for him and didn’t bother him about paying support for the kids for months but then I found out he had another job for months and told my kids not to let me know all the while I continued to let him see the kids and he purchased a new home takes my daughter shopping and he’s living high on the hog while I’ve been struggling to provide for the family I called the courts to let them know they put in a IWN but nothing has happen should I withhold visitation from him until he pays or should I seek a lawyer so he doesn’t try to use the excuse that he’s been taking care of her so he shouldn’t have to pay back child support

  70. does a mother in the sate of Alabama with sole custody of a 15yr old son have the right to not make her son go to visits with his dad?the dad is remarried with 2 step children,and they do not get along.nor does the step-mother get along with the child.they are constantly mean,hateful & belittling to my son.they tell him is not liked nor wanted at the house and the parents(dad & stepmom)allow it.it is very heartbreaking to drop him off on his visitation when he his very upset and begging me not to make him go.it is only 1 weekend out of a month but it feels like a year.he says he feels unloved and unwanted.the dad has been made aware of this and says its not THAT BAD!!!and refuses to talk to the step-children or the step-mom….please help with any advice.thanks

    1. Nicholas Baker

      Your solution is to speak with an attorney about having visitations either supervised or suspended temporarily and to ask the court specifically for the appointment of a guardian ad litem or child representative. Do not unilaterally disobey a court order. It is your obligation to make your child go to the visitation with his dad, otherwise you could be held in contempt of court. Getting a child representative involved is the right way to do it, act immediately, don’t waste any time. Contact on of now!

      1. Actually, as far as I knew, I thought that as long as the ‘CHILD” was at least 12 years old, that a court of law would allow him/her to decide for himself what he wanted. Seems rather strange that a court wouldn’t allow a 15 YEAR OLD TO SPEAK OUT ABOUT NOT WANTING TO GO TO THE ABUSIVE STEPMOMS HOUSE WHEN THEY ALLOW THEM TO GET ABORTIONS WITHOUT PARENTAL KNOWLEDGE. Weird how that works. Starting to seem like a money racket…

        1. It is true though. It’s actually a misconception by almost everyone that children can “choose” who they want to live with. However, a parent can file for a modification of custody and ask for the judge to speak to the child or hear the child out around 14. That’s when they consider a child to be able to understand etc but it still does not mean that they will do it. They just take that into consideration. I think it’s different everywhere and that do called “rule” is very common, but judges are backwards too. I’ve been through my custody issues for 4 years now and I have yet to see it be fair. I’m fed up and going to do everything I can.

  71. I have a four year old girl and her dad has never been in her life. Could he at any time come in and try to take her away from me? She has never met the guy, she thinks her dad is the guy that I am getting married to. He owes me over 9 thousand in child support and the county that I live in dose not actually push child support. Even though I am not married could I make him give up his rights? He also has 3 other kids that he does not see. Could the guy I am with now adopt her with out us being married (she thinks he is her dad, not told her any different been in her life since she was one)?

    1. The only way an adoption is possible is if the actual father of the child allows it. As far as issues regarding child custody and child support are concerned, you need a private attorney to help expedite things. An experienced family law attorney will negotiate with your child’s biological father and get you the rights you deserve.

      1. Is there any way to enforce that a father see and spend time with his three children. He has seen his children only a handful of times in ten years yet he is allowed to see them every other weekend etc He also has not given the children or me a phone number or address but some child support comes out of his work ck and is sent from child support services. Can you force a father to be in their childs life.

        1. Nicholas Baker

          No,you cannot force a father to be in a child’s life. My question to you is this: being that he does not want anything to do with these kids, why would you want to force your children to be around such a despicable human being? Be happy that your children have one parent that actually cares for them and be all you can for them.

    2. You can pursue an adoption but he will have to sign off on it in probate court. The reason is that a court does not just take away parental rights absent extreme circumstances – it would most likely require getting him to agree to signing over the adoption papers. Can you think of anything you could bargain with him to make it a good deal for him as well? Say, maybe erasing his back child support balance? Give one of our attorneys a call and get the process started!

    3. Amanda, The fact that he is not in her life is “on it’s face evidence”, that he has “abandoned” the child. Abandonment can be filed after 6 months of absence I believe. File abandonment charges in court against him. If you don’t know his address, find out the rules. Do you need to send a filing to his last known address? Do you need to put an Ad in the paper for 30 days? What do you do as a “good faith effort” before you are allowed to file full legal and physical? Once that is done and his rights are revoked for abandonment, your new hubby can adopt. It would be easier if he just signed the papers though and it sounds like he may be willing if you know where he is.

  72. My husband told me after 9 years that he had an affair before we were married that resulted in a child. He agreed to child support and a standard visitation agreement when the child was born. He never took visitation because he did not want me to find out about his son. The guilt and missing his son was too much and he told me and wants his son to have a relationship with his siblings and our family. We spoke to the mom which refused visitation and threatened to kill him over the phone. We finally got her to agree to a visitation which was 3 hours long with her present and his son interacted great with us and his siblings ( our kids). He discussed that we wanted to meet every weekend and move into visitation soon. After the one visit she is not returning any texts or calls. Are we at her mercy or does she have to follow the visitation agreement that is currently still in place? Can we just go on our next weekend and pick up the child?

  73. Hi I am having a very hard time with my childrens mom. I really need legal help but i cant afford it. She took my children out of state 16hrs away and i did go to court to see them and got them for 2 weeks and she harrassed me and them for 2 weeks. She sent the cops to my home twice and also we found out that the first time I was supposed to get my children( Court Ordered) and sh violated the order aqnd did not bring them to me. My daughter had been up where i live all summer long with her other grandmom that lives right down the road but my daughter was told she could not contact me or any of her other family. This has been on going and then shed called DYFYS on me because Yes i did smack my son for having a fresh mouth for 2 weeks with me, but i would never abuse my children. I dont understand how it seems that me the father who just wants to see my children CANT and its ok for her to leave the state and i have NO IDEA WHERE MY CHILDREN ARE….NOW WHAT IF SOMETHING HAPPENS TO MY CHILDREN AND I KNOW WHAT STATE BUT HAVE NO IDEA WHERE THEY R IN THE STATE …….PLEASE HELP ME

    1. Family Law Advice

      Listen, it is difficult enough for an attorney to help in this type of situation let alone doing it on your own with just a few tips on what to do. You have to get some money together and get proper legal assistance. Do whatever it takes, but this is not like many instances where we can give you some good tips to follow, some articles to read, and you can attempt it on your own – this is as serious as it gets. Save money as fast as you can – for some people this means stopping smoking,no more fast food, no more happy hours or 6-packs, or gym membership. Apply for some credit cards at http://www.bankrate.com and call your friends and family for a couple bucks on a loan. This is your family you need to fight for!
      It is not ok for her to have left the state, she was supposed to file a petition for removal. Not doing so means that she has broken the law and an attorney will force her to bring the kids back to your state. Do not wait any longer and do not make any excuses – do what you have to do, no matter how difficult it is and you will get the results you deserve! Hang in there and be strong!

      1. In response to your letter to the gentleman concerning his children.
        Telling him to stop smoking, no more beer/6pks etc. that’s the problem with anything to do with the Fathers right SAVE YOUR MONEY AS FAST AS YOU CAN REALLY!!!!!!
        While in the business I’m in and seeing my son work nights @ Waffle House due to the economy, and he can’t see his daughter, He’s left paying all the bills she left him with,
        WHEN is someone REALLY going to care ENOUGH for THE FATHERS and give them help!!!!!! Instead of just saying “Save YOUR MONEY & HIRE A ATTORNEY”
        They wouldn’t be looking and contacting you if they have money to hire a attorney!!!
        The women have more FREE let me repeat FREE guidance as to get child support and legal help than Fathers.
        To me this is not how you are helping Father for free, this is misleading to real fathers looking for HELP.
        I have been looking for someone to help my son and so far all of these sites just want their money!!!!!!
        When is it going to change, most of the men are paying child support, while working paying bills to survive so how can they do ay more than they are doing, ALL FAMILIES are hurting today, so how can they donate??????
        MONEY< MONEY<MONEY
        that's all I see is to real these men that care in, if they had money they WOULDN'T BE COMING TO YOUR SITES FOR HELP.

        1. I agree with u on some of what you said. I commend you for searching for help for your son. I’m a mother who was married to a cheating, lying man who left us homeless and he was living with my own family! I do not have anyone to help me, my babies are it, I raised them on my own and he got custody of my son bc of my stupidity to trust him and still love him, thinking he would not go through with the divorce that day, told me I had the wrong time for court so I ended up 15 min late and walked in to a judge saying to me he got custody and if I wanted to see my son I’d have to complete child in the middle class. He was in prison, I have always been a great mom without a sole to help. Would work and clean house on the side for a sitter, I walked to where I needed when I had no car. He disappeared for 2 months and we had no clue where he was. He stole all of my tax money for years bc we were married still, he lived with several women, his sister, sold drugs, I heard he is again. He is married again, has a new baby, his new wife is jealous and he won’t let me ever see my son or even answer my calls. He knows everything about me but I know nothing about them. How does this happen. I’ve proved to be a better parent, I’m stable, I’m dependent, I don’t know anything else but being a mom. I have 2 other kids who miss their brother. I’m dead inside. I know I need to fight harder but I have no help, I was told to wait, and so much dumb advice. I did fall apart bc of this, and I’m back 8m track again. But, now I have a warrant for back support and I can’t do anything bc of it. Now mind you I was working and never ever received anything regarding an order to pay. So one day I hear he was saying that I did via Facebook so I went up to the courthouse and told them I was told I needed to pay support. After an hour and half they tell me nothing in their system says. I. Was ordered to pay.. A few months later I had court for custody. And he still won even though I proved him unfit.. I think it’s bc since he has him they judge me like what mom would lose their child. So it’s no hope. Oh and so the judge ordered me to. Pay support, more and I went that seriously week.. Still no. Order to. Pay.. So I fill out my own forms and paid some now they have me for back support.. And took my tax money, everything to where I lost my home.. Car everything! Now, with a warrant I should never had I can’t take him to court, find a good job, even a house was impossible. I did just find a home Monday. But, this is what I’m going through. I think it’s way harder for a mom to get custody back bc it’s everyones first thought, how does she not have her kids or lose them. Like I was bad. I pray for your son and grandchild. I wish I had a parent like you. Good luck and God bless

    2. Hi Lou, the legal term is “kidnap”. By law she has “kidnapped” your children and that’s how the courts will view it. She’s violated the law, you have not.

  74. My brother has recentl passed away . He has a 7 year old son whoopsie mother will not allow any visits or communication from our side of the family. What can we do to get this child back in our lives?

    1. Depending on the laws in your state, your mother may be able to Petition for grandparents rights. A lot of different factors go into this, so it is worth speaking with a lawyer for a free consultation. Because of the numerous factors, we can’t get into the specifics here, but a Petition for Grandparents Rights needs to be filed with court.

  75. my sons father manipulated me into the pregnancy. He was physically and verbally abusive. the abuse ended one year ago. I never pressed charges against him for threatening my life and trying to take it, as he threatened to lie against me in court regarding a different matter. Is it to late to press charges? He is bi polar and on disability for adhd. He blames me for his domestic violence charge (he punched my car) and the protective order expired 8-2-2013. We have a parenting plan stating he can see our son one day a week, due to financial issues and fear of him i didnt fight his right to visitation. On the first day visit he had, my car broke down. I allowed him to care for our son for an extended period of time. since that had gone well i allowed him to have visitation every other week considering he lives with his parents and is rarely left alone. I recently came to terms with what he did to me. I never want to see him again or even speak to him. My son has been acting out, hitting himself and having screaming fits lately. I am at a loss for what to do. My son deserves a better father figure and i feel i deserve freedom from his father.

    1. Family Law Advice

      If the court order is ore restrictive than what you are allowing him to have, stop doing so right away. He will probably fight you in court, but with the right child custody help you can fight back and win – especially with his seedy past. contact our family law attorneys today and get the child custody advice you deserve!

  76. yes i have another question if i gave up voluntairay to the courts at the time of my medical issues were going on to my children can the father of the child be threatning me in front of the child? the understanding was untill i got my health under control and everything didnt matter how long it took are how short it took. i have him on recording of him threatning me in front of my daughter after i asked him to take her inside so that we could talk about the situation and he refused. what do i do?

    1. Family Law Advice

      Not an easy situation. If he threatened you and you are fearful for your well-being, you should call the police and seek an order of protection. No one should ever threaten you, let alone in front of your children.

  77. yes i have a question if i gave custody of my childs father so that i had time to get back on my feet but let me reasure you i’m better now. i had gotten very very sick at the time. i’m really better now and i have documents to prove it. my daughter is not getting all her needs met with her father medical and physical. he’s wanting everyone else to pay for everything for her and not him pay for nothing. which i dont mind but this is the way i see it if he’s allowing her to come to me and my husbands house every other week then why cant it be what we buy for her stays here and what his family buys for her stays at his home. now we are having trouble with joint custody arrangement its like if its not his way its no way. and every time that she comes to my house she has a head full of lice everytime she comes from her daddys, he’s not working he has no income at all he’s using everyone elses income to substitute for his income and that’s not right i had to get back on my feet why cant it be that way with him.

    1. Family Law Advice

      I understand what you are saying but what might be the best way to go about this is to speak with one of our professionals and have a petition for modification of custody filed with the court so you can explain these things to the judge the right way!

  78. My son has visitation rights, they were never married, but now she is not letting him see his son. What do we have to do for her to enforce the court order?

    1. familylawrights

      If there is a court order that gives him visitation rights, you need to file Petition for Rule to Show Cause and ask that she be held in contempt of court for violating the court order. IT’s not easy, but you can’t waste time – get in front of a judge as soon as possible!

  79. What if the custodial parents mother is trying to keep the kids away from their dad because she had got into an altercation with the kids dad and the custodial parent lives with her mother. Is that possible?

    1. familylawrights

      People can try to do whatever they want, until a judge tells them to stop. If there is a court order in place for visitation, violating that is a big no-no. File for contempt of court for violating the court order. If there is no court order, you must file a petition for visitation, and you must do it fast or some of your rights will fall apart!

  80. It is right to keep a child from her siblings for about 3 years after being adopted out into her aunt in law’s house? What this means is my sister has been adopted out to a family who has married into our family, but we receive no visitation rights and are unable to take her out side of the house. Is there any way to get our sister back in our life?

    1. familylawrights

      Adoption rules vary by state. When someone is adopted, the parents of that child no longer have any rights to that child. Because you are a sibling, you fall into a kind of gray area. Speaking with an attorney in your local area by connecting with one through our contact form is the only way to find out what rights your family has.

  81. What if the non custodial parent has abused the child and the child does not want to or is afraid to go for visitation? My issue is that the order is in one state and we now live in another state. I am disabled with no financial support or means and the order is in the other state. How can I protect my child?

    1. familylawrights

      If there were truly founded proof of child abuse, you need to bring that to the courts attention (if they don’t already know). You have to make sure that your child is protected and safe, and that begins by getting all the relevant information to your new judge.

  82. Donald J Ledger

    I have past due support, but my child was hidden from me and never made available for me to have any part of his life. I still don’t know him but I still am being hounded for back support even though they made sure he didn’t know me…she got away with my right to be part of his life and wants back support after 35 years???? as I found out she didn’t even raise him most of his life, her parents did, and she collected welfare when he didn’t live with her, and collected a tax credit??? hmmm,and I get screwed by the system. her parents had legal guardianship without my signature, I didn’t know until it was over…I called, no answer, I wrote, letters came back, my wife wrote, my mom wrote, no response. For some one who spent so much time keeping my child from me, I don’t think she deserves nothing, and I will fight with my diing breath, like she did to keep him out of my life to keep her from getting anything from me, Now I have to go to court in June and live 4 hours away, my health won’t take the trip so they will put a warrant for my arrest….so be it…

    1. Family Law Advice

      Get an attorney fast. What may happen is that the state will want their money back because she was on welfare, and that may limit the amount of money that you owe. If she didn’t file for child support against you while the child was still a minor, you may be able to get your case dismissed. It is wrong that she hid your kid from you, and you need to get child support help immediately.

    2. You can always ask for a paternity test to establish that the child is yours. Once that is established, you can have a clear path forward legally. They cannot collect back child support until legal status is established.

      You can always ask for the birth certificate of the child to ensure that your name is not on there. That way, there is no conceivable way for you to even search for your child that you never knew.

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