Going through a divorce or child custody fight can be a very difficult process and the frustration and emotional aspect of this type of legal battle is only exasperated because the custody of children is one of the biggest concerns of any parent. Historically, when deciding child custody cases, most courts have always leaned toward favoring the mother as the parent that should have primary physical custody of the child. This was based on a now outdated theory known as the “tender year’s doctrine.”
But, as gender roles have increasingly shifted, more and more fathers are seeking custody of their children – and winning. Some lawyers are now identifying themselves as “father’s rights specialists” and here are their top tips to help fathers win their child custody battles. Keep in mind that the court will make a decision based on what the judge believes is in the child’s best interests, not necessarily what either parent may want.
Tips To Win Your Father’s Rights Case
1. Try to Negotiate – Before going to court for a lengthy and expensive custody battle, fathers will want to consider sitting down with the mother of the child and trying to negotiate a parenting agreement or parenting plan (also known as a custody judgment in some states). By coming to an agreement, which should include custody arrangements, visitations, decision making and other factors, it can help both parents avoid the costs, frustrations and emotional stress that going to court can bring and help to create a co-parenting environment for the child or children to thrive in. A parenting agreement is always the end goal of all custody battles and courts normally insist on one being entered before concluding the custody issues of a family law case.
2. Be Present –Father’s rights lawyers suggest becoming a “helicopter” parent by being there for the child or children in abundance in such ways as picking them up from school or daycare on a regular basis, attending all school or parent/teacher meetings, attending doctor appointments, sports games and so on. The idea is to make the people also involved in the child’s life – teachers, caregivers, coaches and doctors – aware that the father is around and involved. A father can never spend too much time with his child, this shows the court that the father is an integral person in the child’s life as well as showing that the father has made and will continue to make whatever sacrifices are necessary to be an involved parent.
3. Use Earning Power – Men as a group have a higher earning power than women in the current economy and fathers can use this to their advantage when trying to win custody of their child. Fathers should make sure it is clear to the court that they do earn more income which will make them a better provider of resources than the mother of the child. While flexing a financial arm may not feel good, it will definitely make a stronger case – money talks. Take for example one parent who earns just enough to afford a small apartment and relies on government assistance for things like insurance (Medicaid or a child medical card) or even food stamps. Contrast that with a parent who can easily afford a comfortable home, nice clothes for the child and a safe neighborhood with good schools. Which parent do you think a family court judge will believe can provide a better standard of living for the child?
4. Get Good References – In addition to establishing financial stability, fathers will also want to establish they are a good parent through the eyes of others. Fathers should ask their friends, family members, and coworkers to write affidavits about them explaining their personality and expressing what a great parent they are. If the father is at all involved in a church or volunteer program, having affidavits from those colleagues will be an added benefit to the case. When a judge has the choice between which parent to believe and one parent has nothing but their word, and the other parent has a list of affidavits and potential witnesses ranging from coworkers, teachers, coaches, neighbors, or church leaders, which parent do you think the judge will believe?
5. Getting Remarried is a Positive – Don’t do this solely as an attempt to win your case, but if you have a mistaken belief that you should not marry your new significant other because it will hurt your case, you should throw that idea out immediately. Even though the biological parents may be divorced or may have never been married to begin with, the courts will consider a new wife in a man’s life to be mother figures and having both a “mother” and father in the household is generally thought to be in the best interest of the child. Should you get remarried, having a wife, especially one that stays at home to help take care of the child, or is active in assisting in all aspect of your child’s life, will definitely help the case.
With those great tips, you should be on your way to preparing for your father’s rights custody case. However, it is also important that you understand that there are many other factors that go into obtaining custody or at least the visitation rights you deserve as a father – especially if you are a father that was never married to the mother of your child.
What You Should Know About Child Custody and Visitation as an Unmarried Father
Biological parents that are separated either as a result of a divorce or who have broke-up, have the right to seek custody and/or visitation for the children they share. The court will always rule in favor of what is best for the child when there is a dispute over custody or visitation between biological parents. In most cases, unless there is substantial evidence that says otherwise, officials will always lean in the direction of believing that significant involvement of both parents is in the child’s best interest. This is known as the “best interests of the child” standard, and it relies on various factors to determine what the court believes is best for the child.
Father Must Establish Paternity
One of the first steps that unmarried fathers must take in order to be granted custody or visitation is to establish paternity of the child or children involved. This is done in one of two ways:
- Both parents filing joint acknowledgement of paternity at the child’s birth
- Following a legal process that includes administering a DNA test to the child and the man in question
Once these processes have taken place and paternity has been established, the biological father has the ability to pursue joint or full custody and any visitation rights. In many states, the legal system makes it possible for fathers to file recognition of paternity and custody/visitation rights at the same time. This would be memorialized in a court order stating the names of the biological parents.
Child Custody and Visitation Agreements
Father’s must be willing to cooperate with the mother if possible as the deck is somewhat stacked in a mother’s favor, even though the courts have shifted to allowing fathers the same rights to custody as a mother. In order to help reduce the stress of fighting for custody or visitation in court, many parents will opt to sit down and negotiate a parenting plan or parenting agreement. This parenting agreement will often include a number of details including, but not limited to, the following:
- Which parent has primary custody
- Specific details on parent visitation periods/times
- Parent responsible for making decisions about the child’s health, education, and/or religion
- How to handle any potential changes to the parenting agreement
Court Orders for Child Custody and/or Visitation Agreements
Should the biological parents not be interested in negotiating or they cannot come to an agreement, either parent has the right to petition the court for help on gaining the custody or visitation he or she is seeking. Again, the court will consider what is in the best interest of the child when making a final decision but ideally will have both parents involved in the child’s upbringing. Should one of the parents show cause for the court to decide otherwise, such as evidence of drug/alcohol use or domestic violence, the court may choose to grant primary custody of the child or children to just one parent.
Father’s Rights to Custody and Visitation
Most states have now explicitly rejected the “tender years doctrine,” which stated that a child is best left with the mother for the first 4 years of the child’s life. Many states have also actually written their laws with express wording that states that a father has the same rights as a mother. By doing so, family law judges around the country have begun to make father’s the primary care takers of their children over mothers in some cases. No matter which parent a judge grants physical custody of a child to, a father will be given rights to significant amounts of visitation (parenting time) as well as the rights to attend and receive school information, make doctors’ appointments, and many other decisions in their child’s life. It is essential for all father’s to follow the advice found within this page as a starting point and expand on it by speaking with a father’s rights professional to guarantee the rights that a dad deserves. Speak to a local professional for a free father’r rights consultation today!
My husband and I are currently trying to make a case to win more if not full custody of his daughter. She currently lives in another state and due to his active duty status we are limited in the times we get to see her. The child’s mother does not communicate anything about what’s going on with my stepdaughter (i.e. when she’s sick, traveling, etc.) and does not like her visiting us because it makes her nervous being away from her daughter. They already have a custody plan that outlines times when my husband is supposed to have her throughout the year and in his absence his mother is allowed to have her. However, his mother does not tell us when she has his daughter and limits our time with her because she makes plans before we can and the child’s mother is more willingly to work with her than us since they live in the same state. It feels like we have no say in deciding when to see her and are expected to go along with what everyone else wants. Any advice?
So my ex wife and I separated and she move and hour away with her mother which wasnt a big deal I drove to see my son and get him and take him back from visits months later her mom kicked her out and she moved 4 hours away and stayed in a motel for a year I tried to get her to let our son live with me while she was in that situation but she refused we had a moment we talked about getting back together then decided not to so the guy she was seeing kicked her hot then she took of with my son for 7 months wouldn’t let me have any contact with my son and it killed me so much and it took me awhile to come up with the money to get a lawyer to get out divorce and try and get visitation so she could no longer with hold my son in that time she moved hours away in the opsitie direction then all the way back to the area she was in before the 7 months now my son is about to start school I want him to go to school here with me and my other son due to her not having transportation and no one there to help if something happened and I offered to help her get a place near me and everything and she refused but due to her moving so much he was behind on his shots and everything and it wasnt till I talked about taking her back to court she started taking him to the doctor and finally getting him reviewed for being mentally behind and not retaining information. So what I’m asking do I have a chance to try and get primary custody and the mother only get visitation due to her situation. I really love my son and wants what is best.
My son just lost a 50 50 custdy battal because the mother lied about everything. And the judge gave her fool custody and its not fare tp my son jow can he prove all the lies she said
After my brother divorced his ex-wife last June, he’s been having a hard time seeing his children because she’s using them as her tool to get him to re-marry her again. It’s interesting to know that he can try making it clear to a family court that he earns more money than her so he can have the upper ground in getting child custody rights for their children. I suppose he can try consulting with a lawyer first so that he’ll know how to properly execute this so he won’t look like he’s bragging about it.
I was a victim of abuse by the other parent. I was to afraid to leave because my children were always threatened. They also witnessed the abuse that i went through. When i see them watching me get slapped around cursed and yelled out i always had a smile on my face and concentrated on them . Holding them lovingly and telling them i was in trouble for not picking up my toys or not finishing my dinner always showing them im brave and did my best not to worry them . I sheltered them and kept them away from the truth of the other parents actions. As they got a bit older and we separated the other parent filled my children with lies that i was abusive and i belonged in jail. My children love me and nothing will change that. When separated i managed to get my children and move away starting a new life. Where everything came to place job, housing and my children finally lives a civil life like a child should. I did my best to keep the children in contact with the other parent no matter the hate i had. But it wasn’t about me it was for my children. One day the other parent wanted to take the kids for a few weeks to there home in the west coast a few days later i learned they have been enrolled in school without my consent and i was stuck with weeks after i was hit with a false domestic violence charge against me and order to make parenting agreement. Where the children to reside on the other parents home and i get visitation. I tried to be strong but everytime my kids came to visit rhey knew less than what i have already taught them including reading and math also potty training. They also tell me disturbing stories about the other parent. I am currently fight for custody but the other parent has lied about so much and manipulated the children. I was denied picking up my kids from school, going to there recitals and plays, doctor information, kindergarten graduation and being a part of there birthdays. I would never do such things to the other parent because the child would be the one to suffer. I need help my children need to be in a safe living environment. Where they can grow and develop. Please anyone. I am a father who has been in hell for 10 years and want to be free of worry for my childrens safety.
I have a 3 month old daughter and my husband was physically abusive 2 weeks after c-section but now lies and says he did it because I pushed him which never happened. He’s also emotionally and mentally abusive but I’m afraid to leave because I don’t have proof of abuse, his income way more than mines, threatens that he will take my daughter from me and has lawyer friends that advises him. Anytime I want to see my family, do anything that he doesn’t agree with or even if he doesn’t like the tone of my voice, he threatens to divorce me. I’m afraid and I don’t know how to get out and keep my daughter.
Start by making sure that you have documented proof that you are the primary parent for taking care of that baby. You are the one that feeds her, clothes her, takes her to doctor appointments, tucks her in, etc. Those are the first things that should be focused on.
Next, you need to document everything that happens between you two that is abusive. Notes take each day (very short,bullet point notes, not long paragraphs that no one will actually read).
Talk to a lawyer in your area to find out if a nanny cam being setup in the house is legal, and maybe you can catch one of his tirades where he gets physical with you on tape and use that for a order of protection.
But by no means should you lie or do anything that could jeopardize your side of the story.
As far as money is concerned, you might be awarded temporary maintenance (alimony) ad if you are granted exclusive possession of the home, for example, or majority parenting time, you will likely receive child support as well. Sometimes, when incomes are very different, attorneys file a petition for contribution to attorneys fees and costs whereby the higher-earning spouse has to pay some or all of your attorneys fees. This has a way of getting people like him to settle quickly!
I’m a fit parent of a 2 1/2 yr. old daughter whose mother is trying to take more time away from our joint custody, granted by hearing officers a year ago. I’m attending court on my own tomorrow, any suggestions for me keeping the best interest of my girl as present custody?
Did u win the case if so pls give me some tips cus my son mom is doing everything she can not to give me my son
The mother of my children age 7 and 3 holds primary custody. She lost her house and moved into her ex-boyfriends mother’s house into another county, uprooting our daughter from everyone she knows and the school she has always been at. I’ve recently been told that she would be going to night in the county she just moved from so she will literally see the kids for an hour and the ex boyfriends mother will watch the kids. On top of that our daughter is missing school with no excuse or doctors note and not receiving the proper help with her school work at a school where only 3 out 10 kids make an average score on testing and a passing rate. She could come back to her original school where the passion rate is 9 out 10, a better school and the help she needs to succeed. Would I have any type of a chance to switch custody?
I’m a father of a 10 year old in California, his Mom and I were never married, we lived together for 13 years. We separated last oct of 2018. I’ve been picking him up every other weekend and also taking him back home. I am a helicopter parent. Every Monday I pick him up from his music class and take him home. Every Tuesday we have dinner together and take him home. I pay child support but his Mom refuses to make a custody arrangement in black and white. She currently just moved and refuses to give me her new address. I just want to know as his father what rights do I have? I’ve been there since day one. Can I just start the paperwork on child custody on my own?
Thank you
where can my friend get legal advise if he was wrongfully (with no evidence) accused of domestic violence against the mother of his children? They have two children ages 5 and 3 years old. he is on scheduled visitation with his children. She (the mother) IS IN A HOME FOR SUBSTANCE ABUSE. What are his rights? there was no evidenc e of abuse
Thank you for all the tips. My fiancés wants to get full custody of his 10 years old son but the son lives in New Jersey with his mother and we live in Georgia. How can we have this established?
Thank you
A father has domicile custody of 10 year old and 12 year old girls . They stay w him most of the time or the girlfriend that lives w him.the mother is n and out never consist n alot of boyfriends and traffic at her house..what can the father do to protect the children
Thank you for the information! As a tip, numbers 3 and 5 need some work here. Pay inequality is a can of worms that you don’t need to open here. It is a trend, but not a rule, and it’s not even fair that it’s a trend. Why not just say that if you have more earning power than your ex, you can use that to argue that you can provide better for the kid(s).
And number 5, looking for a housewife to take care of your kids from a previous marriage?? How about “A healthy, new marriage can provide more stability for your children, especially if one partner earns enough to support the family, leaving the other free to stay home with kids.”
I am a woman and have twice the earning power as my partner who is currently in a custody battle with his ex.
well im a 49 year old disabiled dad of 2 one is 9 and my other is 11 my ex wife has stopped me seeing my kids she dont tell me when there hospital appointments are all she has done is attack my new wife and stailk us and follow us and film us im from england and im unemployed so i cant afford legal advise can anyone please help
My child mother put me out by calling the police and then disappeared with my child. Since then she has blocked me from all contact and if she does call after I email her a thousand times its only 2 minute conversations with my 2 year old. I don’t even know where my child is and have not seen her since I been put out on Thanksgiving. What to do.
Number 3 is disgusting. This is why there is child support – to equalize the standard of living. What you are saying is that a father should not care about how the child lives while he or she is with the mother. What matters more is the quality of time with the child and how well the parent cares for the child emotionally and mentally. Number 3 is why states garnish wages or have family registries to provide child support. It is all too common fathers who have to pay child support resent having to pay it – child support is for the children’s expenses. A father who really loves his child would want to give his child the best life possible in both homes if the mother’s income is not at the same level.
I was disgusted as well when I read that.
Oh really .. a woman who make 70k and a father make 120k yet he is paying 1300 in support.
The man should be used an ATM.
You must be a woman who like meal ticket
Some women purposely remain underemployed to maximize CS. Realistically it will never be equal when the mother doesn’t choose to raise her skill set. The child should live with the parent who can’t meet all needs without stress.
That’s not what the website is implying. It’s implying that more and more men are steering away from marriage because most women are fat lazy cows sitting at home collecting child support and denying visitation. Those days are coming to an end, dear. Also, do a simple google search on this topic and it’s women trying to find ways to further kidnap men’s children. Get out of here you bum!
And what if the mother is a lazy pos and doesn’t try to provide a good life for the child? I think in many cases that men have resentment towards child support, the mother puts in zero effort to provide for the child.
I’m the grandmother of a 2 year old grandson who is living with the wife of my son who is his biological father. She is not his biological mother. She has temporary custody. My son if fighting 4 custody of him. They’ve almost been married 4 one year & have been separated since May. I can’t go n2 further information based on personal issues. He needs legal advice desperately!! Could u plz contact me?
Hello,
Here is my story…I am the father of a teenage son (17) who last August looked me in the eye and said he no longer wished to be part of my life. By extension that meant he did not want to spend time with his stepmother, half-brothers, cousins, uncles, aunts, and grandma. He provided flimsy reasoning. I now know that he favored his mother over me because she allows him to do things I would never. He smokes marijuana, drinks alcohols, and even peddles small amounts of marijuana. I know he would never agree to live with me. I have rules and structure. I currently pay over $1000 in child support. I don’t know what to do. I know that I do not want to continue to pay child support to a household that does not have my son’ s best interests in mind.. I live in California. Any thoughts/insight are welcome. Thanks.
Text me 3125298421
My fiance has paperwork saying he’s the custodial parent of his 3 year old but it’s not court documents and his son’s mom randomly took him 3 month’s ago how does he go about getting his son? He took care of him without her for 3 years
Apply for a recovery order straight away.
If the father has a 14yr old living with him who is an Honor students and his mother died from Lupus, what are his rights and benefits. Speaking on his behalf.
The father works and custody of his 14 year old because his mother is deceased over 10 years age.
My brother and his wife are getting divorced and he wants to be able to have custody of their kids. I love how you suggest that the father is present at all parent teacher meetings and be a “helicopter” parent. I’ll have to make sure he doing these things as he’s looking for a good lawyer.