Going through a divorce can be an absolute nightmare for many people. This is especially true in cases of a cheating spouse or when one spouse is caught completely off guard. If both parties have grown apart, an amicable divorce may be possible, but there can still be problems when it comes to deciding child custody, child support, and dividing assets.
If you have started to lose yourself in a nasty divorce, you are not the first person do to so. It may be time to step back, evaluate the situation, and learn how to better deal with the stress of a divorce. Simply put, if you do not learn how to relax, the divorce will eat you alive from the inside out.
Do you need therapy
Talking to friends and family is great, but it may not give you the support you really need. Furthermore, if you share common friends with your ex, there is always the danger that things you say in confidence will end up getting back to your ex, adding further to your stress.
You may be amazed at how talking to a therapist will help. Being able to talk to someone that is unbiased and has no interest other than helping you work through your problems can be very helpful during stressful times. At times, you may only need to vent without being judged, and this will be perfectly acceptable. If you have not yet seen a therapist and are always stressed out, consider it, soon!
Stay active if possible
If there was ever a time to clean off the treadmill or get the bike tuned up, this is it. Physical activity is always a great way to burn off stress and clear your mind. The emotional and mental rush that many athletes get during big exertions will also do wonders for your psyche.
If you were never that much of an active person, now is the time to start. Stress can absolutely shred your physical health, so staying active will help to offset this. Be it walking, taking a cruiser out for a 5-mile ride, or walking the dog a little longer, make sure you are getting outside and getting some activity in every day.
You are still a good person
Divorces happen, it does not mean you are a bad person. You need to realize this and start doing activities and hanging out with positive people. If going to the beach puts you in your happy place, do it. Avoid negative people, as their attitude is not what you need in your life right now. We are not saying avoid reality, but you do not need to be around people or things that are going to constantly bring you down.
There are some things you just cannot control
One of the best things you can ever realize is that you cannot control every situation. Life happens and sometimes there is nothing you can do or say that will change the outcome of a specific situation. All you can do is the best you can and then let the chips fall where they may. If you cannot control something, why are you letting it eat away at you? You have to learn to let things like this go and accept the outcome, whether it benefits you or not.
Do not shut yourself off emotionally
It is quite common for people going through difficult times to shut themselves off from the world. Keeping all of that anger inside is not a good thing. As mentioned above, it may take professional counseling to get through these times. In addition, you need to allow yourself to be able to feel again.
After losing someone you loved so much, it is very easy to doubt your ability to “choose” the right person. To avoid being hurt again, you simply shut off your emotions. This is a mistake, as you need to remain the person you are, and your feelings are part of you. You may not be ready to get back out there right away, but that should not prevent you from allowing your emotions to come through.
Avoid destructive behavior
How many friends do you have that ended up in the bottom of a bottle or became addicted to drugs because of a divorce of some other difficult time. If you find yourself heading down this path, find help right away. We keep coming back to getting some type of professional help because some individuals need it to get through times such as this, and there is absolutely no shame in needed and/or seeking help.
Loosen your expectations
Setting high expectations can be dangerous, especially in relationships. When you do not get the desired outcome, it can literally shatter you. As stated above, you cannot always control the outcome, so do not try to do it.
Fun is okay
Why is it commonly thought that you have to be miserable when something bad happens? The reality is that the marriage is over, so why dwell on it. You will probably need some time to get past it, but when you are ready, get out there and have some fun again. This does not mean you need to get back in the dating world right away, but you can enjoy the company of friends and maybe meet some new people in the process. Try not to remain “in the past” too long so you can start the next chapter of your life.
Think before you act
This goes in any aspect of life, not just in dealing with a stressful divorce. Emotions can create some dangerous situations if you are not careful and act on them right away. This is also something you need to keep in mind when you are at the negotiation table during divorce proceedings.
Your ex may say or do something that he or she knows pushes your buttons. This is a calculated move to throw you off your game or get you to react just as you are thinking about doing. If you need to, get up and walk away. If it is an email or text, write your response and then save it for the next day when you can read it in a better state of mind. If he or she has said something that upsets you, walk away and be the better person.
It is time to move on to the next chapter
At some point, you need to realize that part of your life is over. If there are children involved, your ex will be a part of your life forever, just not the part that involves you romantically and/or emotionally. You share children, but that is all. You need to get along amicably for the sake of them, but that is really the only interaction you need to have with your ex if being around him or her is upsetting to you.
The sooner you realize that chapter of your life is over, you can start the next chapter. Take the time you need, get yourself together, and then move on.