Last Updated on August 11, 2023 @ 8:30 am

Working Out Visitation and Parenting Time Issues

Divorce is tough on kids, especially when both parents aren’t putting in the time and effort needed to re-build the trust that is lost in kids when divorce happens. This loss of trust can cause big problems to occur. This applies to both father’s and mother’s when a child expresses his desire to not spend time with one of the parents. It may not be because of one parent abusing the child or not paying attention to the child. Exploring the reasons why your child doesn’t want to go to your house or your ex’s house is important and needs to be understood. An expert family law attorney will help guide you through this difficult situation, and can get you on the right path with a free consultation.

One of the most common reasons why a kid doesn’t want to go to their other parents house for visitation is they’re leaving all of their stuff behind. Books, games, toys or their ipad may stay at home, and now all they have to do is hang out with mom or dad (which can be boring for a kid!). Couple that with the fact that the child will probably not be having fun and playing with their friends and you’ve got a recipe for one unhappy camper and a child that does not want to participate in visitation.

Getting Fun and Creative with Visitation Time

As the parent who is experiencing the problem of their child not wanting to come over, it’s time to get creative. Think of fun games and activities that your child enjoys and engage them in those activities. It doesn’t need to cost money, but it needs to be more than sitting around the house talking and watching movies. Riding bikes or having squirt gun wars is fun and is a great way to be playful with your child while keeping them active when they are with you for your parenting time.

The Other Parent is Important Too

If you are the parent with whom your child wants to stay, sometimes you have to just make them go to the other parents house for visitation. Hundreds of studies have shown that a child that growing up without a significant presence of both parents in their lives is detrimental to their growth and overall well-being. Forcing them to go shows them that you respect the other parent and that they should too. Try to be proactive with the other parent, as difficult as that may be post-breakup, and let them know what’s going on and what the child is in to. Realize that this is important, not for you, but for your child, and that is your number one priority. Keep in mind that not following a Court Order for parenting time because of your child could land you in court for indirect civil contempt – and that can cost you thousands of dollars. Remember – kids are not the boss – you are.

Working Together for the Sake of the Children During Visitation Issues

Raising kids isn’t easy, especially when you break up with the other parent, but it doesn’t need to damage the kids if you do the right thing. Working together for the sake of the kids is important and should be your priority, even after the relationship has ended. Any good child visitation lawyer will tell you the same thing: working out visitation and parenting time issues isn’t easy, but it will have a positive end result if you work together whenever possible. And it never hurts to seek the advice of an expert child custody attorney who provides free consultations to people in your shoes – learn what your rights and obligations are and keep moving forward.

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128 thoughts on “When Your Kid Doesn’t Want To Go To Dad’s House”

  1. My son doesn’t want to see his dad because he is emotionally abusive but it is court ordered. What should I do in this situation?

    1. If there is a serious issue of emotional abuse, you need to file an emergency motion to halt his parenting time until the court can sort it out.
      Typically, a situation like this would be best served by having a child representative/guardian ad litem appointed to the case to investigate the allegations and determine the level of abuse that has taken place and likely therapy for your child and dad to correct this going forward. Supervised visitation might be ordered to take place for some amount of time as well.
      The important thing is that you act immediately. Waiting to act makes it look to the court as though you aren’t really concerned (why did you wait?), get it?
      Situations like this almost certainly require an experienced custody attorney because when it comes time to pick a guardian ad litem or child representative, they will have an idea who is good for your particular situation.

      1. Hello, so I was reading through some of these and I have a similar situation. I have 3 children oldest boy 8,then my daughter who’s is 6 and my youngest daughter and she is 4. They have been on court ordered visitation with me, their grandma ( the interveiner) and their father for 1 year now its been the same routine however, my 6 year old daughter seems to have a very hard time being with her day. My 8 yr old and 4yr old never want to go and are always asking if they can stay with me or at grandmas.and kind of throw small Fitz about it 6yr old it’s a whole other story. She throws a tantrum, screams yells she will kick me, hit me, tell me if I make her go she will die. She hits herself, scratches herself, throws things and pulls her hair then will proceed to tell me “why mommy why are you doing this to me I can’t go there if you love me then why are you making me go with HIM?!?! She complains of a headache or stomach ache whenever it’s close to time to leave with him. She tells me I don’t care about her and just cries! There has been a couple times when I’ve had to physically put her in her father’s car as badly as I DID NOT want to I was told since it’s court ordered I had no choice. When my children are on their visits with him I call before they go to bed to tell then goodnight and I speak to my 6 year old and she Beggs and Beggs me to come pick her up. When I try to explain to her that I cannot, she has an episode and I usually have to have her grandma or her other family members she is close to, to call her to calm her down. She says things to me like she is scared,dad is mean to her,she doesn’t feel safe there and she doesn’t trust him or his house?? My daughter has also stated to me that he hits her but not the other two children and so much more. I ask my other 2 children questions sometimes but I ask in a positive happy way I guess you can call it for example, How’s was daddy’s this weekend? What did you guys do ? Did you have fun? because I don’t want them to feel as if I’m interrogating them or uncomfortable and they never respond they stay completely quiet or they say “I don’t know”. Most of the time, they put their heads down and change the subject without answering like they didn’t even hear me. I’m just very lost and don’t know what to do about any of it right having to make my children go to their fathers when they don’t want to I feel like they feel defeated..and my 6 yr old daughter….I’ve got to figure something out. I’ve tried speaking with their father and his attitude about all of it his exact words are, “Nope they aren’t staying with you. They are coming with me. My kids my visit!” He’s even heard my 6yr old right In the middle of an episode and heard how bad she does not want to go with him and he still forces them. I feel helpless to me children because I just don’t know exactly what is going on.

    1. Try to make the best of it and know that this keeps your mom out of trouble because the court order is being followed. Best of luck, hope things turn around for you.

  2. I have two children with a man whom I did not marry. My eldest is on the spectrum and has been throwing the biggest fits when they have to go to dads and has expressed that dad hits him hard and often and he does not want to be there, in the past I would encourage them to go and explain he does the best he can for them. Now, I am not so sure what to say but I morally cannot get myself to make them go if things are physical.. What do I do.. I am so lost and hurt right now..

    1. If there is an open case right now, you should file a petition to restrict his parenting time / visitation until the court forces dad to go to anger management and parenting classes and/or therapy. You must protect your children.
      If there is not an open custody case yet, you likely need an attorney to file a Petition for Sole Custody or Petition for Allocation of Parental Responsibilities and explain to the judge what has been happening. Then, dad can be ordered to go forward with therapy.
      This also sounds like a situation where a child representative or a guardian ad litem should be appointed to the case. That is an attorney that solely represents the best interests of the children. They will investigate everyone involved and make a recommendation to the court – and their recommendations are almost always followed by the judge.
      Don’t wait any longer though, you have to keep your children safe – our professional team of child custody attorneys can help. Give us a call.

    2. I am in the same boat but it’s been a while. You have to put your child in therapy seek a doctors help. Document everything he says or record it. Don’t give up keep fighting

      1. Exactly correct, you clearly have been through it as well. Active involvement and engagement in a child’s life is essential – especially a child that is special needs. This means all doctors appointments, evaluations, parent-teacher meetings (if school age), and proof of activities that you are involved in with your child.
        Recording a child is potentially an issue though. Talk to a local lawyer first, because many judges absolutely lose their minds if they think a parent is holding up a phone and asking a kid questions and recording their answers – it makes it look like an interrogation hostage video and it will have the opposite effect. Recording by holding the phone down and not asking questions, just letting a child talk, is a safer way to do it. Even better, document, as you said, and get a therapist involved immediately because they will report these things the proper way.
        In a custody fight, having a child representative (guardian ad litem) appointed by the court will also help because they can ask the child things and report to the court that would be inappropriate for a parent in your situation to do.
        Good luck and don’t stop fighting or what is best for your child – and do it the smartest way possible!

  3. Hello, I am 17 almost 18 in a couple of months my dad has partial custody of me his wife verbally abuses me and yells at me no matter what I did my dad would just stand there and let her yell and scream and cuss at me she threatened to hurt my mom when I turn 18 shes aggressive and scares me.. when I lived with my dad she would threaten to divorce him and make jokes about him dying at work to get money on top of this my dad is impatient and wouldn’t listen to me when I said I was uncomfortable around her.. I was self-harming when I was living there (they saw my cuts and never got me help) and even had a plan to take my life because the constant anger and fear she made me feel was beginning to be too much one day I broke down and told my dad I wasn’t coming back I haven’t since then and now I am graduating but now he won’t leave me alone he called me and his wife cussed at me while he just had her on speaker I felt so sad again the overwhelming feeling of dread I miss my dad when he was the old him but I don’t think ill ever get a side of him back I don’t know what to do because I’m still 17 but I don’t want to go back there I can’t I won’t let myself hurt myself again I’m scared hell try to take me away from my mom and I cant imagine how much pain that would bring to me I love my mom so much and shes the only one whos helped me not harm myself my dad and his wife constantly talk bad about my mom and have told that they will tell people how my mom is terrible when she is not I am scared that if we go to court they’ll say mean things about her and get more custody of me I cant go through that i wont live through it I never want to have those feelings I had living with my dad ever again I don’t know what to do and I’m just scared

    1. First of all, at 17 there’s a pretty slim chance you’ll be taken away unless your mom is unfit. Apparently you don’t believe she is so I wouldn’t give that a second thought.

      As to the father’s wife, if you have a somewhat decent relationship with your father suggest you visit him somewhere away from the wife. If he refuses or she stops him there’s not going to be much you can do about it. However, I personally would not put up with it and until your father grows a set and stands up to this woman I’d avoid her as much as possible and let him know why. If he takes her side I would wash my hands of him because he obviously has no respect for you.

      One thing you absolutely do not want to do is to let this damage your self esteem. That can easily put you in a worse situation should you let yourself fall victim to some smooth talking douche bag that wants only to take advantage of your misfortune. Happens time and time again.

      Now I know some shrink will come along and poo poo what I’ve said but I firmly believe that no father is better than a bad father. If someday your father pulls his head out and becomes remorseful about where his loyalty was placed you may have a good relationship. Until then I’d question just how much he really cares about you.

  4. I’ve been divorced from my kids mother for 11 year now. My oldest is 15 and my youngest is 13. My 13 year old daughter wants to do anything but come to daddy’s house for his weekend. I catch hell when she wont come from her mom and I dont feel like forcing her is the answer either because I don’t want her to resent me. My 15 year old went through a funky stage but we are close today. Now that my youngest is 13, she is ripping my soul out, never wanting to come over. I have a history or drug and alcohol abuse. I’ve been clean now for 2 years. I use to own my own businesses and wasnt able to see them much on the weekends but that has all changed now. So they were not use to coming over every other weekend, but we were always super close and saw each other plenty. Now that she is becoming a social butterfly, she has no time for me. Her mom gives me a hard time for not putting my foot down. When I do put my foot down and tell her shes coming over, she manipulates her way out every time. I dont know what to do. I know this isn’t the site for this but saw some interesting comments. I love my kids so much. Their mom is a alcoholic but we get along great until things dont go her way, then will give me grief about my kids not ever coming over, so I get it from both sides. I want nothing more in life than to spend time with my kids. I’m worried about her decision making. I feel like I’m losing my youngest daughter. Any helpful advise or encouragement is welcome.

  5. Hi I’m a mother of 4 who has recently been divorce. My kids are supposed to go to there dad’s every other weekend. The kids always say they don’t want to go. They cry and make it a big deal. I try and get them to go even tell them they have to but they do not like going they say he sleeps all the time and they don’t like they fight and stuff. What can I do the kids are 10,8,7 and 4

  6. Hello im a 14 year old girl and i absolutely hate going to my dads…when i try to say that i dont want to do my dad just ignores me… when i tell my mom she can tell him because he thinks that she makes it up…my mom tries to reassure me by saying i only have a few more years but it doesn’t help… i have been through some past traumas like in the past were my dad spanked me with a belt somewhere around 100 times and it left a bruise…. i always cry before i have to leave my moms house… i truly do wish i never have to go again

    1. I’m so sorry to hear about your trauma from your father spanking you. unfortunately the fact is that is now considered a form of abuse. I rarely comment on boards. however I felt a sense of urgency when I read this. I am 61 years years old and a Dad. my beautiful son is 8. the thing that occupies my mind the most is providing him a home where he knows he is loved and safe. I provide him with the most wholehearted environment I can. I was 4 when I was abused this way by my father. but I can remember it as if it were yesterday. I’ve spent many hours in therapy trying to heal from abusive parenting. I say this because I feel like I know a little about this subject. which is why I am going to encourage you to find a way through school, or your parents to get into therapy around your trauma. it is normal for you to have anticipated fear. tell your parents the truth about this. your father may need to get therapy around why he felt like he needed to abuse you. I will prey that you find a safe place to get support with this. ignoring it now will just about guarantee you trouble down the road. alcohol abuse, risky sexual behavior and likely you may find yourself dating boys or married to a man who is abusive. sorry to be so dark about this topic but it is really serious stuff. get the help you are worthy of and deserve. love yourself. be well. Micheal

    2. You should tell your mom that your dad was spanking you with a belt, because that is child abuse. I feel so sorry for you. I know it’s tough with both of your parents divorce, because my parents are divorce too. I’m only 13, which means I only have 5 years left. In 5 years I will have a choice if I want to go to my dads place. Every time I go to his place, something makes me feel unsafe there, and I’m not able to figure out what it is. Anyway, I hope you have a happy day/night. 🙂

    3. Me too Im a 15 year old girl and my dad makes me do nasty stuff like su**ing his c*** having sex with him and I dont like it I told my mother and she did not believe me every weekend I go to his house he rapes me and he is my own dad I have a stepbrother there that is 22 and he does it to me too and I cry so hard and try to commit suicide but I dont do it and my dad is 49 years old and he rapes me every single weekend.

      1. You should call the police. Try and get evidence of some sort. Show it to your mom and if she doesn’t believe you, bring it to the police.

      2. Ashley I imagine your probably scared to call the police. Because if your own mother doesn’t believe you who will right… But someone will. I’m so sorry you dealing with this. Look in your area where ever you are. For help perhaps a abuse hotline or something. Don’t give up. Don’t let this happen to you again or any other girls. Get proof. There’s a group called bikers against child abuse. They may be able to help you.

      3. Ashley-
        I am just now seeing this post, and I truly hope you have found help! If you are still in the same situation, please tell a teacher, coach, your doctor or even a friend’s parent what is going on.
        If you are not comfortable with that, you can always call the National Sexual Abuse Hotline at
        1-800-656-4673 (no charge to call), or contact them online at
        (They don’t track your IP address or your phone number.)
        They can connect you to resources in your area who can help you.
        And you can ALWAYS call 911!
        You NEVER have to put up with abuse, no matter what the custody/visitation papers say!

        1. I’m assuming this site qualifies for a court mandated reporting status and someone must act.

          Ashley you need to get help. You are so brave for posting here. I hear you. Please tell a teacher or ask a friend to help you tell their mom. It’s not your fault. This is not okay. By speaking out you begin the path to healing and peace. You can call DCFS or CPS in your city. I can help you find resources if you tell me where you are.

    4. im a 12 year old girl and right now i am going through court and i feel you i understand whats going on through your mind right now and im trying to not have to see my dad as well

  7. Hi um im 10 years old and I don’t like my dads house but I do still love him but I don’t like being with him sometimes and my step mom treats me like im a baby and I don’t feel appreciated with her and I was wondering how old I have to be to stay at my moms house oh and I’m using my school laptop

    1. Hi Jaylee

      I’m in a similar situation like yourself. I don’t feel comfortable going to my dads house even though I love him a lot – and I’m 20 so it has nothing to do with age.

      I advice you to talk to your mum about it, tell her the reasons why you don’t want to go. You don’t don’t have to be afraid or think that your reasons might be wrong or that “it doesn’t matter.” Be honest and say it.

      Maybe instead of going to his house you can go out and meet in the park, libraries or even grandparents house etc.

      And if you feel comfortable, try talking to your dad about it as well – to see whether he can help out. Or maybe any adult in your family that you trust, feel safe and comfortable.

      You must understand that your feelings are important and don’t let anyone think otherwise.

      Also if you have things you wish to talk about but you have no one there to listen to you. I advise you to write it down in a dairy – it can be in your book or your laptop. Whenever you feel sad or upset write it down.

      But always remember your feelings matter and don’t be afraid to say it even if the adults say otherwise.

      1. Hey Shaden,
        Did you know that you have a choice if you wanna go to your dads place? You have to be over 18, and you’re 20! You don’t have to go to your dads place all the time now! Go, have freedom! ??

    2. I am twelve and my parents just divorced and my dad just isn’t where I want to be. I feel he is the one who chose to leave us but he wants a bond with me. I don’t get it so I really don’t want to see him. I still love him a lot because he is my dad but I feel I need some space from him. He lives an hour away from my mom and I just hate going there he never gives me much attention because he is so absorbed in my step mom and siblings (step and real) I know this really isn’t that bad but I just need time to adjust

      1. Talk to your school counselors, they should be able to help. This is a difficult situation for adults and kids like you should get support where possible. Good luck and take care of yourself, sorry you’re going through this tough time.

  8. Viviana Torres

    Hi i just want to know how i can have full custody of my daughter she is 10 year old i have maintain her and supported her since she was in my belly. Her father it have been out of the picture since she was 2.she dont want to talk to him or see him he dont even paid child support .i have paid school summer camp medical bills all by my daughter might have cancer and need a surgery .i contact her father and ask full custody he said no.he haven’t done nothing for her ever.i need sole custody full custody. She is scare her dad can come and take her.and we need her to have surgery

    1. You start making notes and have ur child do a section 211 the court has judges that interview the child. Called the childs views report.

      1. My son just turned 10 years old. He never likes to go down with his dad his dad is very intimidating he’s not very friendly and he doesn’t make over his son basically I think he pays CS and that’s what he feels he needs to do. My son at times and if you know my son he has a great personality but he will come up with things not to see the other parent. He and will say things like “ Maybe a lightning rod will bop him on the head and I don’t have to go down there” or “can you hire assassin” I’m like where did you hear that he was like on tv or “what If I make daddy hit me then I won’t have to go down there.” I tell my son we don’t talk with dislike, evil or hate in our hearts we have God in our hearts and we just have to pray for people like that. I asked him, I said let’s pray that we have a great time down at your dads maybe things will be different and I want you to be happy. He says he will pray for the family but not daddy. He prayed the other night that nobody get Covid except for daddy. So here I am trying to facilitate a relationship with him and his father. I know the father is a hard ass and very difficult to get along with. My son makes A’s and B’s and the father told my son that he need to be a better kid, I mean that just broke my heart my son not to mention my son said he just wanted to cry hearing that from his dad. My son works really hard in school. I don’t think he’s ever lifting him up I’m always thinking he’s comparing him with his other kids. So that is why I am on this page because I have no idea what to do. I just took my son to meet The Other Parent just shy of 3 hours into his visit he text me crying and he texted me to say that he was crying I asked him what was wrong and he text back “don’t call”I’ll text you. there was another time where the child’s spelled candlewax on his table because he was blowing out the candle, my son said “mommy I was so nervous I was shaking so bad I could hardly hold the towel in my hand”. There was an incident at the other parents home during virtual learning and mind you the parent has other women to take care of the kids so I guess when he had to actually do homework he got frustrated with our son because he wasn’t paying attention and grabbed his head shifted back around to face forward and kind of pushed his head into the paper to learn and it really scared him.

        Ohhh to have a simple and stress free life for my son. I’m asking what do I do? My child gets edgy a little anxious any time that we’re getting ready to go down to his dads house his whole temperament changes. He wants to know does he have to or when can I stop going? I am just so afraid and I know a lot of laws don’t recognize mental stress but as I’ve quoted for my son it seems like he would do whatever it took not to go down to his dads house.

        Also, I know they say the boy needs the parent or the kids need their parents but if something is so toxic I can’t even see how any good would come of ghat that for any child. And excuse me I just really think that’s bullshit because if you do have somebody in the child’s life whether be a mentor or a father figure or anything that’s more positive than what he’s going to because of a lot of people out there that have deceased mothers and fathers and the kids seem to be just fine.

        So please give me insight of what I can do for my son so he is not battling this at a young age!! My son is too innocent and young to be dealing with his fathers narcissistic ways.

        1. Hey, I have a similar situation with my 9 year old daughter. Her dad was using meth with her there and then crashing an sleeping for days with no food or TV there for her when she was 7 and 8. We got that fixed in court and hes says hes sober now but just barley a year. Fast forward to now, after supervised visits he regained regular visits after August with no supervision. Well, shes seen him hit his ex gf and shes afraid he will do that to her if she doesn’t go along with what he says. So now he’s wanting Wednesday over nights, aside from the fact we live in separate counties and its a 45 min drive to my house, he thinks he’s entitled to these visits. Well he’s been verbally abusive to her. Telling her he will have me locked up or kill her pet or lock her in a room, if she doesn’t call him 2xs a week. She’s a nervous wreck about it all! She woke up at midnight crying because we were busy that day and she forgot to call him when she was ordered to. She asks everyday what day is it, she cried when she has to leave to go to his house and begs me not to send her! She gets angry because of it, basically going thru all the emotions when having to leave on Fridays. She says he yells at her threatens her and threatens her pets lives if she tells the court she doesn’t want to spend Wednesdays with him when we go to court. She hates him she says. She also knows what he does is wrong, he made her go into Walmart alone after Christmas telling her it was time she learned how. Makes her go in gas stations alone to pay for his gas cause hes too lazy to do it himself! And he sees nothing wrong with it. He called her fat one day when she wanted popcorn with a movie she was watching and says ge ignores her when hes not yelling at her, while he watches his tic tok videos all day when she’s with him. She was making bracelets with his new gf, and he asked her to make him one with the word daddy on it, well she said she didn’t want to she doesn’t call him daddy, so she didn’t put the word in there and she said he took it off and made her put the word daddy on it! It made her very mad she said! If she doesn’t do what he tells her to do he threatens to hurt her pets or make her stay in her room all weekend or I guess his gfs house cause he only has a studio apartment she has no bed room there. He doesn’t pay child support and is 6 grand behind. But takes me to court 3 times a year claiming were all on drugs. Smh. I’ve taken 2 hair tests in one year. There are no drugs! He was the addict not me. But he feels stupid and I guess he’s trying to prove a point idk. Either way she says hes mean and nasty as a person. She said the only reason she would ever want to go is to see her pets. And he knows this and holds them over her head. Currently trying to stop the extended summer time and Vaca time from him, per her request. She dsnt want to go as it is she says why would I want to go more ?? She says I knkw im supposed to love my dad but I dont. I dont even like him she says. And for whatever reason I feel the courts won’t take this seriously. He and I cant communicate because he cusses me out, calls me fat or anything he can to degrade me. Told me he hopes I die and my mom had cancer and he wished her to die a slow painful death. He bullies me or tries to, just as he does every woman in his life. He has spat in my face before even in his mothers face. He curses his mom out too, and the last time they fought my daughter was with him. She hid under the table and she saw him get in her face and spit in it. That was when he was on supervised visits. Well she came home the same day and that night she had a nightmare and wet the bed! It was traumatic for her. Shes extremely terrified of him and won’t say anything to him about how she feels because she’s afraid of his backlash. He even made her keep all these bad things from me until one day she just let it all out so now he tells her she doesn’t need to tell me what goes on over there and even makes her delete messages when he texts her. Teaching her how to be deceitful. It just blows my mind how he thinks all if this is ok!? Well her therapist decided to call cps on him, for knowingly putting her in danger when he made her go into Walmart alone, she said hes lucky no one called the cops on him or he wouldn’t be allowed around her right now. So im asking for him to go to therapy and anger management and another parenting class because obviously the first one didn’t click! Who makes their little girl go into Walmart alone ?!??!? Ugh! Hopefully he gets his visits stopped or taken away for a while. So I know court is far from over because hes trying to flip her life upside down. The man im with since she was 3 was around when her father took off to Arizona, but apparently that means nothing because her dad tried to get him out of her life. Idk why, he says hes doing it for her but if any of this was for her, he wouldn’t have to force her to do what he wants to make him feel like a good dude. Which he is not. I just hope the courts see this for what it is and listen to my child in all of this. As she says its not fair that the judge is making her go with him and not doing anything about it. When she’s upset on Fridays she says alot! Sorry for the rant but I do feel your pain and I hope this works out for you and pray for us as we will pray for you!

  9. I live in georgia with my children two of which belong to my ex husband who has been incarcerated since 2004. My children have never met this man as they were young when he left but now he is coming up for release and wants joint custody of my kids. My oldest child is very angry with him because he disrepecting me and she wants nothing to do with him but that’s neither here or there. He lives in savannah georgia and wants to take my kids more than 8 hours away from the only life they have known and I am uncomfortable with that not to mention as I said he doesn’t even know them but he says that’s my fault cause I wouldn’t allow them to visit him in prison and I never gave him an address or phone number to write or call to but its because we always fight and I did not want my kids to be subjected to it can a judge give him joint custody if there was no previous relationship before or during his incarceration

  10. Victoria jimenez

    Hello, my boyfriends sons(he’s about to be 13) mother(they were never married) has recently decided to keep him from his father. He claims he’s depressed & lonely. His father bends over backwards for him, but he still says his dad makes him feel alone.
    He wants to do everything he can for his son but his son won’t even talk to him.
    What action can/should he take to get his son back??

    1. Tauheedah Chambers

      Meddling Girlfriend…stay out of their businesses. It’s not your kid. Nothing nastier than a woman messing with someone’s father.

    2. How do you know the Mom is “keeping the child ” from his dad?
      Im the mother of a son who refuses to see his father (he is 16). I have forced him to go and he ended up texting me constantly and saying he feels like killing himself when he is there. So, I took him to counseling to figure out the problem. The counselor said he was crying out to help and that I shouldnt ignore it. My ex was a yeller, and I, myself felt belittled by him, but he was not a physical abuser. Anyway, I continue to make my son go to counseling as long as he refuses to go to his dads. If I were you, I would more concerned about WHY a son doesnt want to be with his dad. Please keep the childs best interest as the priority.

      1. Hi. Was there a court order? I’m in the same boat. My 13 1/2 yr old refuses to visit his dad. He’s in counseling. BUT they are threatening contempt of court. Any advice is appreciated.

  11. Desperate Grandmother


    My son has had physical custody of his children for over 3 years. During this past year the mother of the children was awarded child support and today he went to court because he received papers in the mail he was never legally severed. He goes to court and the judge only sees the mother of the children and does not allow him in the court room because he was not on the docket and gives custody to the mother which is not there for birthdays, holidays not even mother’s day because she states that mother’s day is for her to celebrate but without her children. I know its material thing but she does not get any birthday gifts for the children, Easter baskets, Christmas presents not even clothing or shoes because the whole family helps him when he needs help . My son has paper proving the children have been with him School papers, Lease agreement and also has a conversation in which I spoke to the mother regarding my oldest grandson which is 8 being threatened by the mother’s boyfriend and due to that conversation she punished my grandson and my son also has a picture of his bruises. He also has a police report in which he filled domestic violence in which she went to jail for. My son is in disarray and needs help desperately. He just filled a motion to set aside and was given a date for June 21. Please I am begging for some help. These children do not like being at their mothers house and home is with their dad the smaller child is already crying that he want to go home and the mother does not let the children speak with there father when she has them.

  12. Hello I’m 16 and I live with both parents. They’ve been divorced since 2010. My father is mentally, verbally, and emotionally abusive, and I have been trying hard to get out of his house for 2 years now. All that the court has done is make my mother the primary parent or the “custodial” parent but they have joint legal custody and I still see my dad 50/50 with my mother. I can’t stand it
    It’s all getting worse! Even my councilor is telling me to do this. But he is manipulative and controller and abusive. They’re telling me to refuse his parenting rights. Refuse to go to his house when he comes to pick me up, and call the cops if he refuses to comply. How should I do this? What do I do or say? Please help. We don’t have the money to go to court.

    1. I don’t know what state you live in, but in texas at the age of 12 you can decide who you w2ant to live with. If your day is like you say then have him arrested when he shows up and turn your phone on record and use it against him. Your mom can take him court and have the Judge make him pay for it or she can get the attorney general to be her attorney. You don’t have to go anywhere that you don’t want to go.

  13. Hi my name is Jasmine and I’m 14, I don’t want to live at my dads house anymore. I know he doesn’t love me and he only keeps me there to annoy my mom. I want my mom to have full custody over me but she works all day, and my dad doesn’t have a job. She wouldn’t be able to take care of me full time, is there anything I can do?

    1. When my daughter was 14 she surprised me when she claim that I didn’t love her, and then she left to her mother’s house art two minutes from my own house. My daughter never returned to see me, despite my many efforts. I never understood why she didn’t feel my love as a father who loved her deeply.

      1. I feel it was her mother alienating her against you ! That is very evil for mom to do this , in her goal to hurt you she’s only hurting her daughter! This type of mothers should not have custody at all !

    2. You know this how??? My bet is your mother has been filling your head with her own opinions about your father. You dad loves you. He wouldn’t have you at his house, With higher water and electricity bills, extra food expenses, etc, etc “just to annoy your mom.” I guarantee you heard that from your mom but the real truth is it would annoy your mom a lot more if he never saw you because then he’d be a deadbeat. You are clearly far too young and immature to know what’s best for you. And your mom should be ashamed of herself.

      1. You are an idiot. Do NOT tell this girl what is going on in a house you dont live in. She has the right to have feelings and the her feelings are relevent. Parenting time isnt about the parents. Its about whats best for the child. If the child feels at age 14 that she is not happy and loved somewhere, but has a stable, loving parent, then she is entitled to feel that way.

        Your mom is your happy place kid? Then you need to pursue that. You need to be in an environment that you can grow in and be happy. This is about YOUR WELL BEING. Not your parents.

  14. I need advice my husband has a 14yr old daughter she’s been staying with us the whole summer, a couple of weeks ago she sat my husband and I down and just started bursting out crying she informed us that she doesn’t want to go back to live with her mother that she wants to live we us because we act more like a family then in her mothers house. This broke my heart, my husband has joint custody with her mother. What should he do? Do we have to send her back home even if she doesn’t want to go back? Or can she stay with us until this is resolved? Please help

  15. Rachael/Rusty Payne

    My husband went to court 2012 for custody of his, at the time, 5.5 year old son. The child had not lived with mom since birth, he was and is living with the maternal grandparents. Husband had been visiting the son every other week 3 hours away one way for a year before court and we got standard visitation after mom lied to the judge saying that she lived with her son at her moms house. Mom popped in every once in a while when we visited high as a kite talking about how she couldn’t quit the drugs and her boyfriend at the time either. Our attorney at the time said unless we had witnesses there was no case…everyone there is family…they won’t stand against her.. Long story short, Mom got arrested 2x, once in march this year and april this year for PI and one wandering endangerment, she lied in court 4 years ago and we just got out of court June 23rd 2016 with both her and the son lying this time saying he lived with the mom, even though he in fact lives with the grandmother…there are so many things to list from, failing grades all year and never telling us there was a problem, not establishing dental or other medical care until we started and they got mad because they said we were acting like they weren’t caring for him…he had an abscessed tooth and no dentist to go to, we had to take him etc, etc etc.. The child admitted to lying to the judge because he was scared and he was told that if he told where he lived, he wouldn’t ever get to see his mamaw, sister (not my husbands) mother, or anyone else he cared about ever again. He has told us that before and all the other lies they told him… Our attorney did not represent this case well at all…need advice! Please

  16. My son was abused by his dad’s wife during his visit. She grabbed him around the back of his neck and squeezed. I was on the other of the phone to hear my son in distress. A police report has been made and now assigned to an investigator. Also, I took him to a doctor. I have reason to believe my son’s wellness is in danger if allowed to go in that home.

  17. My 13 year old will be 14 in a couple months, and despite me telling her that she needs to see her dad every other weekend, that he loves her and so on and so forth still refuses to see him. She has gone so far as to text him saying she refuses to see him. This last time that she did this he told her that if her friends are more important than he is than fine. She knows that if he says she has to go then she goes but pushes it until he gives in. She says when she is there she is treated like a nobody, that his girlfriends kids are more important and that his girlfriend hates her. I have told her several times that while she is there to try and get some one on one time to talk with him and work things out. She then tells me she has tried this and only gets yelled at for it and that she’s done giving him chances.

    1. First of all I will point out that your child is a teenager which they live to manipulate the situation to their advantage . I am a mother of 7 children, 4 of which are adopted and adopted from a previous relationship after his death. I am a divorce’ as well. Teenagers are a difficult breed and will make up whatever story they have to and get their way. Most girls as teenagers do not like the visitation split because they want to be with friends, shopping etc… Plus when mom makes it a choice they jump all over the opportunity. This child is not just yours but is her fathers as well. As a woman and the psyche in your writing is clear.. He’s moved on and this has upset you both. I read between your lines and its not healthy what you are doing to your child and putting the wedge between her and her father. You need to get a counselor involved and make sure what your child is feeling is what she really feels and not what you’re putting in her head!

      1. Spot on, Jane! This is precisely the situation we are in with my 13-year-old stepdaughter. Her and her mother are very jealous that my husband got remarried and have even gone so far as to claim we are abusive just to get her out of spending time with him and me. Thank God we had a good judge who saw through their lies and did the opposite of what they asked…he INCREASED my husband’s time with his daughter.

    2. She just wrote that she encourages her daughter to see her dad and tells her that he does love her to try to talk to him about this. She isn’t trying to keep them apart because she’s a jealous bitter ex. Not sure where you picked that up from. You aren’t there so neither of you know the situation, Jane and C. You two sound bitter to me. At that age my dad had a jealous girlfriend that hated any time we had together and tried to come between us. I picked up on it right away. I told my dad. After that me and the girlfriend didn’t get along. It was miserable. I didn’t fully get it at the time as I do now. She wouldn’t leave him alone for a while but finally he got out of it. So it does happen when the new girlfriend is jealous and controlling. Crazy that it’s not always the ex, huh? This was posted in 2016 but struck a nerve with me since I was also like this 13 year old maybe younger- when my dad had first met the girl I’m talking about. So it’s not always a teenager making something up either. Always stand with your kids. Something else can be going on. Jess I hope everything worked out since then.

  18. My daughter is 12 years old and has cried to me so many times about not wanting to go with her dad every other week for visitation. She gives me different excuses from time to time such as (her father is currently living with his mother again) she never spends time with her dad, just her grandma, her dad doesn’t do anything with her they just sit around the house in their pajamas all day, or he doesn’t care about her or love her (which is super sad to hear my child say). Her dad has been arrested multiple time for DUI and domestic violence toward his (now ex) girlfriend. I just found out about the domestic violence arrests and brought it up to him and of course he denies it being true that the girlfriend just made it up. I don’t want to ruin anything for my daughter and I have a hard time even thinking about him not being a part of her life, but it is also hard thinking about what might happen if I keep forcing her to visit him. Please help!

    1. If there is a court order in place DO NOT do anything that can be seen as violating the court order. If things over there are boring, etc., unfortunately, that is normally not enough to restrict visitation. However, with the allegations of domestic violence taking place in that home, the court could possibly order supervised visitation to take place to make sure she is safe. Also, with multiple DUI’s, there needs to be a serious check on whether he is driving around with your child in the car. This is the type of situation where you probably need to speak with one of our local affiliates. Fill out the form and talk to someone right away, citations like this almost always need legal help from a local professional.

  19. My husband has a 13-year-old son whom he has had custody of every other weekend for his entire life. We live Ina better school district (better education, safer, and less drugs) and we have a stable family and have children together, we are active in our children’s activities and school and on our free time take them outside to ride bike etc all of the time. She just lets him ride his bike wherever he wants to go (as long as he has his phone on him) or picks up and drops off his friends, never does she actually interact with the children so there is no telling what he is doing while she is out in the car. My step son has been getting into fights at school, getting kicked out of stores for not being supervised, and has been dating A LOT (we fear he may be having sex as well). The mother has told the boy on numerous occasions that he could do more activities if his dad would give her more money or tells him she knows it boring at our house but to just suck it up because it is only two days. She calls him everyday and asks if he is doing ok which is not bad but then she is interrupting our time and stressing the point that he will being going home soon. She refuses to send home any papers letting us know when he has activities and we only find out when the boy wants to switch the weekends so my husband looks like a bad guy if he says no. She also told him not to tell his father that he got into a fight at school and could be facing charges over it. She lives with her parents and has a full-time job but her mom has been a “stay at home mom” for the boy but obviously is not providing adequate supervision for the child. Is there anyway we can get custody of the child before anything worse happens?

    1. Getting a modification of custody is never an easy thing. When father’s rights are involved like this and a change in custody needs to happen, we always recommend a 2-pronged approach: 1. Begin preparing well in advance (like 6-months at least) by becoming more involved. This is 2015, there is no reason your husband cannot find out any school activities, extracurricular sports, or communicate with the school on a regular basis. He needs to to begin doing this immediately. He also needs to start scheduling activities to do when the boy is at your house. It does not need to be expensive, but needs to be fun and interactive. 2. He needs a father’s rights attorney to fight for him and file a modification of custody. Contact our team of father’s rights lawyers right away and get the help you and him need!

  20. My kids don’t want to go see their dad because he doesn’t have tv and never goes outside with them. When they are over at his house all they do is sit around the house with nothing to do. he doesn’t even take them to their friends house or anything. what can I do?

    1. Well, you cannot withhold visitation from him, so don’t do anything like that! However, if he is really making the children miserable like you say, perhaps you can petition the court for what is called, in some states, a “Home Inspection.” A lawyer/counselor will pay a visit to his house and take notes to present to the court regarding the living conditions and how he spends time with the kids to determine if the time should be shortened or restricted in some way. Get a hold of our team right away and let us connect you with an expert that can help.

  21. terrence kiellman

    OK… first my heart goes out to all the fathers and mothers here that are kept illegally from their children. There is no greater pain in the universe than to be separated from your kids. A woman or man rips your heart out, but a child rips your soul, and a soul rip is far worse than a heart rip. So many have taken their lives over this, the courage they showed, or, is it they are simply dead already so what’s the difference. That is what being without your child is ” living death ” This great government of ours bangs its chests that we have the right to ” life, liberty and the pursuit of Happiness ” well our forefathers wrote it (with full belief in it) these monkeys they just keep it around for something to look at on DC tours. The fact of the matter is, if you are without your child you are not living (you’re dying inside) every second, every day, every minute, every night, with ever tear, you’re dying. Most man up and deal with it like adults, others, turn to drugs, drinking, any form of self destruction they can get their hands on to stifle the pain. If I had the courage I would take my life, I am just to chicken shit to do it. Then there is my revenge that keeps me going (nothing illegal) I don’t break the law. That’s probably why I am the one that is in trouble and the true law breaker, the true criminal is free as a bird. Liberty? You are not with your child you have NO liberty! You are oppressed, controlled, a slave, slaves do not have liberty they have only their chains to keep them company. Happiness? Well that’s a given, you are NOT happy! So that would mean OUR civil rights are being violated correct! Pissed on actually. How can a judge order someone to do something and they don’t? I mean a judges order is not a request it’s an order right? If I was a judge and you blatantly pissed on my orders? I would give you two options (man or woman) A go directly to jail! or B Go to may personal tattoo parlor and have my order tattooed on your chest! But, these women go around pissing in the faces of judges and they suck it up! and some men also. It all boils down to (who has the most money) will win. Because they have the best lawyers, they know the judges, law guardians, cps, etc, it’s all about the God damn money! So I say, how come we don’t all come together and file TRILLION DOLLAR law suits against every city, every state, the US federal government, our ex’s, the schools, the police, the courts, the judges, make them so freaking poor, ” I guess anyone reading this can see, this man is going through it ”

    I am actually an aspiring entertainer, the system created me… and one day I will hand the system it’s ass! I was an advocate the unemployed written up in 22+ political magazines, the only problem is the unemployed as a whole came out and said ” we don’t want this lunatic representing us ” lol I wasn’t like all their other passive leaders, I was a fighter! I didn’t beg for what I am SUPPOSED to have I demanded it! and look 5 years later and there is NO MORE extensions to be found.

    I have been kept from my little girl since January 30th 2012. The last day I saw her was Jan 18th 2012 at 9:05 am on the Lake Ronkonkoma train station. I remember it like it was yesterday. I said goodbye to her, she walked away, and ran back and LEAPED in my arms (as she knew I would not see her again) See my daughter then 12 demanded to leave her mother, she couldn’t take the drugs, the beatings, the sex parties (her mothers orgies) the drunks, the drug dealers, drug addicts, the neglect, endangerment, my ex’s drug dealing, drug addict, alcoholic, pedophile boyfriend so she left. The mother let her go. She signed her out of school, etc. Then she went to court before her honor Kerri Lechtrecker to get my visitation stopped (she has been doing this for 13 years) always telling judges I brainwash the children against her. The woman is a certified psychopath sociopath, a bully of children, she is pure evil. All the judges she tells this crap to tell her to stop the bs and enforce my visitation. See I don’t smoke, do drugs, drink, nothing! I keep myself so clean so no court can throw any stone at me! The past three years? I should be the biggest crack head, alcoholic, bum on the street, but I am not! I am STRONGER than ever before! Revenge has that power to sustain you in your time of self destruction lol. Also when the demon of depression shows up, I tell it to go FU** ITSELF! and it leaves me alone. So I live with the pain, the hurt, the sorrow, the desire to eat a bullet, take pills, anything, to make it stop! Well she left and lived with me. The mother who blames me for everything, never holds herself accountable ever, even her family blames me, and they KNOW who her daughter is! So she began to parentally alienate me from my daughter, and she is so stupid she put it in writing. I have over 100 exhibits of her contempt, first in the beginning, with her texts ” I don’t think terrence should see his daughter ” that was TWO DAYS after her honor Llechtreker ordered her to not interfere with my visitation. The judge ordered a no contact order nothing else. But that didn’t stop her. I was called by the Suffolk County Sheriffs department to come get the order which I couldn’t no money. I think they would have come on their own, but when he heard that I was in custody of one child he knew the mother was a liar. See her petition named both children (she failed to tell the judge I was in custody of one child) now I am no lawyer but is this not (perjury)? So for about 6 months she convinced me I had some restraining order against me, because she threatened it upon everyone. The principle of the school (all I wanted was the kids report cards, and emergency card) I once said on my facebook page ” daddy misses A ” she wrote to my ex ” that she was calling the sheriff to have me arrested for contempt) I have that text. My gf at the time suffering breast cancer, chemo, begged me to take it down on her threats. I did. Daddy misses A? See I know the law, and I know if I say that it’s not contempt. The KICKER, the judge actually wrote me and told me the order was vacated (no contact) until my weekends. I have to say man, these judges give out these orders like it’s nothing! So men be careful what you write, texts, email, voice mails, you breath in her direction in the wrong way and it’s your soul! They will keep you from your kids. So there she is threatening everyone with an order she KNEW was vacated!!! Since my Gf was going through all this, I didn’t go to court. That is not the truth, I REFUSED to go back to the monkey system where (I am the ONE petitioning them and they ONLY let her speak!) I am filing the complaints and she is doing the speaking! Me? I am told to shut the f up and sit down! by a court officer. My ex has been beating on my kid for 13 years. The child actually wrote a rap song about it (this thing is raw) it describes abuse, neglect, drugs, sex orgies, it’s bad… the ironic thing? My daughter now 15 runs back to the abuser. I have been telling this woman for years she is violating my rights, you know what she says? ” Oh we don’t care about the law ” this is the message she has sent to my little girls ” that you can do whatever you want! ” that breaking the law so what. That is my ex, and her family, the biggest law breakers around.

    Well since she has returned I have been able to communicate with my daughter but she just doesn’t love me anymore. There is nothing there, it’s gone. I once loving and strong relationship, now obliterated.

    I want to sue my ex wife and her family, and suffolk county, for the systematic destruction of my relationship with my daughter.I have all the evidence to prove it! Her family owns property all over the county. I also want her to be held in contempt and jailed. I KNOW when a judge sees this woman’s own hand they will jail her. The woman has no respect for the court, the law, etc, and she puts in writing.

    This is just a piece of my story, it is far more involved… Just once I would love to see these people drug screen this woman! She is doing them all! Heroin, cocaine, God knows what. I complain about drugs? they test me! She is doing the drugs, I am taking the tests! 10+ cps reports, police reports, in once incident I brought my child bruised from head to toe to the suffolk county police they refused to arrest her! Also, she violated a court order of protection, she violated the order and the police refused to do anything. Oh but the police are so fast to come for me. I have so many of her voice mails where she it threatening me with the police if i don’t do what she tells me to do! her mother AIDS AND ABETS her in her crimes against me. Every single Friday the grandmother has my children DURING my visitation! She once sent cps to my house accusing me of taking the child away from her, cps ONLY cared that she was not seeing her daughter, they didn’t care about me not seeing my kid. A feminist organization, only cares about the woman, sorry… I actually called the cps agent a feminist and told her she was a f/o/s bias to me, and one day I would have her job!

    13 years of my life stolen, I am sacrificed myself for my children. They come here with these stories, I do something about it. Now I am hated by both children for doing so. The mother has some kind of sick fear hold on them, I can prove it. Anyone looking at the woman’s texts messages can see, listening to her voice mails, she is a bully, a predator upon the weak and men that abide by the law. Once she called me and said ” If I wanted the kids report cards “? I needed to call her! BS! I don’t need to call her for anything! My divorce agreement clearly stipulates that. So much evidence of her and her mothers abuse to me, oppression. I would imagine if when they called ordering me around I simply did what they wanted me to do it would be different, instead I tell them to go blank themselves and piss off!

    God had made a warrior in me, you may get to bang me in the ass, but I am not going to let you believe I am enjoying it! I will stretch my neck around so far look you dead in the face and let you know how much I am not enjoying it! lol

    I want this woman brought to justice. She needs to go to prison for her crimes. She has stolen three years from me! Three years of watching my daughter grow, play with her, etc, I want for every tear I have cried to be exacted upon her a 100 fold!

    To all the parents going through this? STAY STRONG! there is a movement coming, and when it comes, it will make the occupy wall street thing look like a bunch of people sitting around a camp fire! Never again will we be kept from our children! God has sent his deliverer, you will see. Remember it is spiritual law ” Ecclesiastes 10-8 and Luke 12-2 ”

    Terrence R. Kiellman

    Any father or mother going through this feel free to email me 🙂

    PS: ” They say that revenge is a dish best served cold, then mine will be LIQUID NITROGEN! “

    1. Sounds Fishy to Me

      Hard to take any of this serious when you talk trash one minute, then close with a Bible verse. Also, “aspiring entertainer”? That seals the deal.

  22. Hello,
    my ex left on easter sunday in 2013, our divorce was final on Dec 2014. My son has not handled any of this divorce easily and has been in 3 mental hospitals due to what his father has done. My daughter has not wanted to see her father since fathers day 2013. my son tried to continue seeing him cuz he didnt want his dad to hurt me or his sister. my ex was dropping off child support checks but he would play games, he was court ordered to pay monthly and he would tell me i don’t know when im dropping it or it would be in weekly payments. Since the divorce has been final the judge ruled I have physical custody and we have joint legal custody. Since all of this I have found out that the reason my daughter doesn’t want to see him is because he would open handed hit her when she was bad and if that didn’t work he would pick something up and hit her. My son stopped going there when the in home therapist filed a 51A against him for verbal and emotional abuse. His father came here to get my son in school and told him he belonged in a cage and should be locked up. My ex has told me in front of his lawyer and mine that his only goal was to destroy me and between him and his father knew people that could make this happen. We have DCF in our life and the kids have reported things to them. In November both my kids got sick I brought them to their dr, he said they had ear infections and gave them both antibiotics. The kids were not getting any better so I called their dr I was told they were booked and would have to go to urgent care or emergency room. I chose urgent care I came home with my son with a whole list of stuff that was wrong with him. My daughter was trying to go to school I ended up taking her to urgent care as well due to not being able to get in with her dr. I was told the whole list except that my son had except for bronchitus. I brought dr’s notes to the school and kept a copy of them. My ex went to the school and said the kid were not sick and I was keeping them home for my own pleasure. Now mind you the ex had not seen my daughter since fathers day and my son since september and now it was november. I got told the kids had to go to probation court in December cuz of the mess that the ex has caused. To make a long story short. The ex was told when divorce was final that he needed to go to individual therapy and then therapy with the kids. So he is not supposed to see him. Well since then he has made calls to dcf with more stuff as a result dcf has taken temporary custody of the kids for 45 days and saying that they trump the court on visitation. My daughter is only 10 and scared they are going to make her visit him. So to make a long story short I don’t know what to do cuz every time the ex gets involved its a bigger mess. The kids and I can’t afford to live in Mass as it is very expensive here but I am hearing that my hands are tied and basically it sucks to be me. My ex has caused physical abuse, verbal abuse, and emotional abuse towards all of us and more so towards the kids. What can I do legally to get him out of the picture so I can try to pick up the pieces and get these kids on the right track?

  23. I am in the middle of another custody battle. We have been separated for five years. Children are special needs with developmental and/or medical issues that severely limit their abilities. I have raised them since they were babies and when he lived with us he had no interest in doing anything with them or for them. I have always taken care of them. He was abusive to all of us but particularly to the children. He tried to smother our daughter and hit and threw both children. I called CYS and they told me to get PFA which I did. I got full legal and physical custody but every two years he reopens the case and I cannot afford these attorney’s fees. He has had limited supervised visitation on and off.
    Since the last custody round-about our daughter confided to four of her therapists that her father had touched her inappropriately when he had previous visitation. She was specific and gave details. The reports were made and CYS was involved again but they closed the case as “unfounded” because our daughter could not testify in court due to her limitations. At the time they told me if I ever had a custody issue again they would file an affidavit in support of no visitation with either child. However now they are not returning calls.
    He has reopened custody again with a shark of a lawyer. He is denying all abuse and saying I made all of this up even though she confided in others (all mandatory reporters who made the reports). The reporters are all willing to testify. I have their medical charts with their notes on the disclosures.
    I was assigned a free lawyer for the first hearing and he coaxed me into signing an agreement that stated the kids would have to go to supervised visitation. Our daughter is already acting out, hurting herself. None of her therapists want her to go but none of them know how to tell the court this. The lawyer is gone. He was supposed to provide post-hearing support but he sent me a rude email stating he did his best and I am on my own.
    I know I have to take the kids. My fear is our daughter will seriously hurt herself as she has done in the past before and after visits. The so-called lawyer told me to document it but then in the next breath he said anything I document is just hearsay so it is not usable in court. Her therapists have documentation of their observations of her behavior previously and the lawyer said that it is also hearsay even though these were direct observations documented in medical charts. One of the therapists even came on visits with us and documented her adverse behavior.
    Their father also refuses to acknowledge the children’s medical and mental needs. Both of them have very specific care needs and he refuses to even learn about them. He says I am just making it all up even though there are numerous doctors and therapists who have worked for years developing their care plans.The therapists and doctors have tried to train him on their care and he refuses to learn or listen to them. If he does not follow our son’s care plan, our son can die. His condition is that precarious.
    (I had to stop writing this because our daughter found our son passed out in my room. We were not sure if he was asleep or having a medical issue. I revived him. He was sleeping, just very deeply. This is a constant issue. Had it been medical, I would be on my way to the hospital. We go to the hospital every month or two.)
    The social worker at the hospital spent 45 minutes trying to explain to their father our son’s condition. She wrote in the chart, “Father is either unable or unwilling to understand son’s condition.” He repeatedly states that everyone is in a conspiracy against him because we are all saying the same thing to him so we are in collusion. We are in collusion but not against him. We all say the same things because they are the factual truth.
    I do not know what to do. My “one and done” lawyer said none of this matters and the courts will grant him unsupervised visitation even though he refuses to learn about their care. He even minimized our son’s medical condition on his parenting plan calling it a minor issue. When told at the hearing it was a serious condition he said I never told him so he didn’t know! When it was pointed out he had talked to the medical providers he declared he had no memory of it and I was lying.
    How can I fight this? I am being told he, as their father, has every right to the children but he will not follow or learn about their special care and needs. I was also told I should not have “let” my daughter make disclosures about the sexual abuse (like I had control over it, she just did it on her own) as this further weakens my case. We were not in a custody battle at the time of the disclosures and now I am told this was a serious strategic mistake and will be held against me in court. This is craziness!
    I really do not know what to do.

  24. Hello, Im currently part of a dependency case in Florida. During the last few month the diligent search for the biological father turned up empty, however on the reunification hearing he showed up. the court is not granting him 1 hour supervised visit. My 123 year old daughter hasn’t seen him since she was 3 turning four and my 8 year was 8 months old when he left and she never met him. The first vist was via Skype supervised by Dept of Children and Fam and they were distraught and the visit lasted less than 10 min, is there anything I can do. I am remarried and my current husband is who has raised them they see my current husband as their father. What can I do help !

  25. Please help! I live in a very small town, and my mother in law knows everybody from private investigators to DCS even the best lawyers. My husband and her are so abusive and controlling. I leave the house, my mother in law is calling my husband that sec. All they do is talk bad about me and it’s all lies. I have 3 children and a stay at home mom. I want to go to school to be a nurse but his mom wants me to wait til the kids are out of school. So I’m not aloud too. I want a job and have even got interviews but the day of my interview she’ll pop up and have my husband go with her in are only car. I don’t have a cell phone, any friends I make, which is hard to do when I’m not aloud to leave the house, are “bad people”, or for some reason are not aloud around. I have no friends, no job, no car- his mom has 3 cars, we have 1. When he needs a car for some reason she’ll let him borrow it and he’ll leave me a car with no gas. But if I need a car, she gives me a ride. I’ve had one accident in10yrs. He has wrecked around 10cars- let’s put it this way he wrecked so many cars and tickets for speeding& swerving he had to go to safety class and was on probation. Anyways I have nothing, can’t even get a credit card to help me leave bc nothing’s aloud to be in mine name, except for cable which he ran up my bill with porn and never paid. He’s never home and when he is he’s always yelling at me in front of the kids, his mom always talk bad about me to them, so my babies don’t listen to me at all. I’ve been to are domestic violence center, I’ve been to hospital(wasn’t bad, just he banged the back of my head into wall & got real bad head aches after) but bout they know everybody, even after all this proof we had DCS intervene , and of course he put his charm on and they ended up telling me I was lucky to have him . That he was my knight in shinning armor! When I do get to peek at his phone all that’s on his history is dating sites and that live chat thing. We go 6 months and over without touching each other. Then after watching a bunch of porn, he’ll finally want to get some but if I say no it starts a fight.. They have actually went to my adopted family and told them a bunch of lies and now they won’t even talk to me, but in begging of our marriage his mom talked about them and tried to convince me they weren’t blood so I needed to quit talking to them, and all they do is make fun of them but my mom thinks that her and his mom are best friends. I want to leave but I don’t want to leave my children to these people. I could never live with myself knowing that they’ll be put through this or that they’ll turn out like that. Oh, and he spends his paycheck on him, his mom buys the kids things and him things, and we’ve actually went 2 months without toilet paper, shampoo, Ect. Please help me. Now he’s got his mom keeping the kids til he gets home. Basically I’m not aloud to be around my babies unless one of them are around. If I leave he’s gonna get custody isn’t he?

  26. I have read every story on here. I have looked up a million sites. I am so lost I don’t know what to do. My son will be 4 in October. And hates going to his dads. He cries and throws a fit every time I tell him its time to go to his dads. He says he doesn’t like it there and that he is mean to him. He tells me that he has to sleep on the floor (I have asked him almost every time he comes home from his dads). Today he told me that he didn’t love his dad. I feel like a horrible mother making him go over there. I know he never spends time with any of his kids. He uses them as pawns. Holds them over his families head. I tried to talk to him about Jayden not wanting to come to his house but he blew me off and told me I was lying. I recently found out he was leaving all 3 kids,11 8 and 3, home alone over the summer. He is not a good person. I know that by our agreement I have to take him to see his dad. But at what point do I draw the line? Someone please help me and tell me what to do because I am so tired of feeling like this.

  27. I am 14 years old and will be turning 15 in Dec. I live with my mom one week and with my dad one week. So I alternate every week. I want to only stay with my mom at this point in my life. I was wondering if I have any input with this matter and what I need to do to be able to stay with my mom full time? When I am at my father’s house he states bad things about me etc. and I feel under a lot of pressure and stress just having to be their or having to go their. My dad knows that I want this but keeps saying that I cant and it will violate the parent agreement etc. My grades have dropped in school and this schedule really is very stressful to me.

    1. At your age, you do have a little input in the situation, however, your mother will need to be the one that needs to file for a modification of custody and visitation and that is NOT an inexpensive thing to do. Good luck!

  28. The sentence on sexual abuse was just that, I do not mean for it seem to indicate mother is in anyway doing that just feel doing child emotionally wrong it seems and appears not to care.

  29. Hello,
    Have a problem with some of what you say about forcing a child to visit non-custodial parent. Now not trying to stop visitations I do believe a child needs to know both parents. It is just when a non-custodial starts to enforce overnights when really has not been around then forcing a child does not show respect but makes a child feel insecure when forced. A child will feel like they can not rely on the primary caregiver to keep them safe. Do not know why our Judaical system feels it is good to force a child. Look at how our children are growing up with issues due to forcing a child instead of taking is slow. In the very young is when not to force overnights for they do not understand, just day visits first. See I am a Grandparent who is helping raise my grandson and see what forcing is doing to my grandson by his mother. My son has never asked for child support due to girl never having a job for a long period. She also has never offered see how one cares. But why should our Judaical system care for the children so long as they get paid. It is all well and good to know both parents but not how sometimes our system says. For our world is not about children if it was then those who abuse them sexually would be put to death not given another chance at them. For despite the mothers sudden taking interest in first child, this is due to having another child out of wedlock by another guy a year ago and five months after second child was born. She suddenly forced overnights telling him he has to, the child was not quite 3 yet. That is not thinking about child but one’s own self and show for others.

    Also, never see anything in favor of Fathers or really written just about issues for Mothers. Don’t get me wrong but as this girl posted on Facebook one time a child does not need a father that can be said of a child not needing a mother. Now one can give love and support but it is wired in us by our society of needing.

  30. My 13 years old refusing to go visit his dad. But the father want me to force him to go and we have the letter from his therapist saying he should have very short time visitation with him due to his high anxiety level while he is with him my question can he be forced for visitation? What age in va he can decide if he want to go or not

  31. We need help on how to get full custody of my step son and hopefully my step daughter. My boyfriend and I have been taking care of these kids since they were born. His daughter is 6 and his son is 4, they have been living with us since they were born and we have been taking them to see their mom every time she ask for them to avoid any confrontation and I believe every child should know and see both of their parents no matter what situation they are in. The mother is not a stable and well person. She has been in and out of rehab for bipolar disorder and needs to take her medication at all times to be calm and to also protect her from harming herself and others around her. We have been nice to her and also been bringing the kids to see her anytime she calls. The children lives with us and we have got them on medicade to help with insurance for the kids. But, we found out he mother was also getting Tenncare and foodstamps from where she lives which is in another state. We live 20mins from her at the borderline of two states. When MS found out they discontinue Medicade for the children and their mother never uses Tenn care to take them to the doctors or have use the foodstamp for the children at all. We don’t ask her for money or anything at all. Now my boyfriend has been put on Childsupport but the mother doesn’t have the kids and come to find out his daughter is not his biological child, but we both have fell in love with her and we are all she knows as mother and father. She knows and loves her mom but she loves to be with us because she says we take care of her and we feed her. His son is his and now he has to pay child support which I think we shouldn’t because his son lives with us 75% of the time the other times is when his mother calls and says she wants them but right when we drop the kids off she calls her cousin whom loves their son and she keeps him the rest of the time until my boyfriends gets him back. She is suppose to keep their son not her cousin. The kids are sperated everytime they are dropped off with their mother because she claims she wants to spend time with them but once she gets them she leaves them with her family members at ALL times. Please help her get this custody going on keeping these kids with us and together. She doesn’t deserve any child support or benefits from these kids. She doesn’t work or spend time or keep her own kids. She has warrants and she doesn’t have custody of her other 3 kids. We want her to be in the kids life but her actions state otherwise. We hate the disappointment in the childrens faces when she doesn’t have time for them. What can we do. please help, Thanks a lot. I love these children like they were my own blood and it breaks my heart to see that a mother wouldn’t want her own kids but instead uses them to get benefits and money from their father.



    1. Nicholas Baker

      File a petition for modification of support and state the facts – that your child is now living with you! File it immediately and get in front of a judge – that is the only way to make it happen!

  33. My granddaughters ,,fathe abandoned his family for a life of drug,,he has not see her in over 3 years,,my daughter is married now,,,,her husband love’s’my Granddaughters,,she calls him daddy,,she love’s him so much,,HE takes great care of her,,treats her know difference from his other daughter’s,,,,,he would like to adopt her,, she is only 7. But this is what she wants .,she wants to have the sane name as her mom, dad and sister’s,,they are a beautiful family,,the last time I saw the man that abandoned he he told me that that he’s going to take her to Mexico,,he is a a illegal alien,,,I know that he will pretend to care,,he never support them I did,, I know he will not sign the paper’s,,for the adoption,,what can we do,,

    1. Nicholas Baker

      Unfortunately, there is not much that can be done to force an adoption. In some states, the process of doing so may be possible through defaulting the father, but in these rare instances, there must be solid proof of multiple attempts to have contacted the father, and even that is normally not good enough. As far as changing her last name, that may be an easier option through the courts if the father does not respond (again, through default). If he does not have any contact with the minor child and is not in her life, then sometimes the easiest plan is just to keep things as they are and not rock the boat. Contact an experienced family law attorney right here on our site and find out what your options are based on where you live.

  34. Hi, I am a 14 year old and my mom has legal custody over me but my dad has visitation rights during any school breaks. I now have a job and have made several commitments to some great opportunities for over the summer in hawaii (where I live), but out of the blue my dad decided he wants me this summer. The reason for his sudden interest is because he believes that I don’t “have a stable living environment”. What can I do, legally? Does the fact that I’m 14, or that I have a job help me at all? I really don’t want to go, I feel emotionally/mentally abused there and I would be missing out on some great opportunities.

    1. Nicholas Baker

      Because you are 14, the only person that file on your behalf is your mother or father. Your mother needs to contact us and speak with one of our child custody attorneys about allowing you to continue with your everyday activities regardless of where you will be living this summer.

  35. I left a mentally abusive relationship by both my ex-husband and his mother in 2012. Our daughter, 3 years old, has been going back and forth since. My daughter has does not want to go to her dad’s who happens to live with his mother. In fact, she hasn’t ever wanted to go with him. There has never been anything more than an acquaintance relationship between the two of them by his own choice (he refused to do things with her to build a relationship). She started showing signs of distress with extreme tantrums, not present before, defecating on the carpet in her room, hitting herself and more. These signs developed suddenly and were present at my house and daycare but not at his house. She cries and clings to me every time during the exchange. She should have already settled into the routine of having two homes. Do you believe that I should continue to force her to go to her dads?

    1. Nicholas Baker

      If there is a court order, you cannot deny the visitation. However, if he is causing this distress in your child’s life, you should file an emergency motion and ask for a child representative to be appointed who can evaluate this situation and be an unbiased person for the court. Speak to our expert child custody lawyers today by filling out the form on our site right now.

  36. Hi there,

    My son will be 5 on January 11. His father lives in Edmonton and rarely comes to see him. For example, since September of 2012, his dad has seen him a total of 3 weeks. His dad lives with his girlfriend and her 2 daughters though and helps raise them. His dad (Rodney) wants to come and get him for Christmas this year, which will be his first Christmas with him since Nicholas was 11 mths old. Nicholas does not want to go. The last time Nicholas went to his dad’s, he told me that his dad and his dad’s girlfriend were always fighting in front of him and her two daughters. What do I do? All our court order says is generous and liberal access which his dad rarely exercises anyhow. Not only all of this, his father has refused to tell me his address for the last 2 years…another reason I am becoming more reluctant to send him, because my son is telling me they fight. I don’t want my son to see that. Any advice would be great! Thanks so much!!

  37. Hello! I am a bit torn. My ex and I have been divorced for almost 6 years. He left me and our 3 kids for someone else when my son was 3 months old. I worked very hard around his schedule to make sure he was able to see them. I gave him several weeks at a time in the beginning even though he didn’t have his own place yet, or vehicle to pick them up. ( I took them to him). Over the years, he and his new wife had 2 more children and and continued to visit with them as declared in our standard possession order, including mid week visits. Over the past 2 years, he has distanced himself. He dropped mid weeks, he never calls them anymore and recently moved out of state. The past year has been the hardest on the children. They feel as though they do not matter anymore. He only has them Friday evening, Saturday and Sunday until 6 every other weekend and his designated holidays, and doesn’t speak to them except on these visitations. He doesn’t attend extra curricular activites anymore (except for their final softball game which they asked him to attend since he had never watched the oldest play before, and he laughed at her bunting, her first bunt ever, and broke her heart) and it just feels as though the effort is gone. They moved to Montana and told the children it was because they didn’t like it here and wanted to get away from their past which the children took personally. They ended up returning he said because his mother wasn’t well. NEVER mentioned he was returning because he missed the kids. The few times he did call the kids while gone, he informed them that he enjoyed it up there. Since they have been back, the children feel like they aren’t liked anymore. They never do anything right. They don’t have any of their things, as they got rid of all of their stuff before the move and haven’t bothered to replace anything. So they have no clothes, toys, games or anything appropriate for the enjoyment of a 6, 11 and 12 year old. They spend their time doing chores or yardwork and the step mother seems to have a resentment attitude towards the kids. She never seems happy with them. In the beginning these kids couldn’t wait to go visit their dad. But over the years, like I said before, he has distanced himself and the kids aren’t happy. Whenever they try to bring it up or talk about it, he gets upset and the rest of the time they do have there he makes miserable with lectures or yelling. All 3 have made it very clear that they do NOT want to go over there anymore. They have said them not going over there would feel the same as if they did go. What can I do? I have always been one to make them go knowing it would be good for them. Like I said before, I would jump through hoops for him just so that he could see the kids. But HE is the one distancing himself from them by giving up visits, not calling them and not being involved other than his every other weekend. I mean, whats the point anymore? I thought about having them each write a letter explaining their issues and then I would combine it with a letter of my own and address it to the court, considering he doesn’t listen to their concerns to begin with, even though the oldest was in therapy when he moved because he wouldn’t listen to her anymore and how she felt. With this letter, I would request their visits cease until the relationship can be resolved between them and their father, and only after such, they could begin resolving issues with the step mother. If it can’t be, then they would rather cease visits all together. I am re-married and the children consider their “Pops” to be more of their father. He does everything with them. He has coached their ball-teams, he has been to their concerts, and taught them integrity and respect and helped them to see who they are and what they want to do when they grow up. He has instilled the drive to be educated and want to succeed as well as the importance of God in our everyday lives. Everything a father should do. I couldn’t have asked for a more wonderful man, who had no children of his own, to step in and help raise 3. We now have 5, one of which is a foster and our family is complete. So they do have a father, their step-father. As a child of divorced parents, I, along with my younger sister, told our mother we didn’t want to see our father anymore either. Our step-father was our father. And I am grateful for that decision. Am I doing the right thing?
    Thanks for any help you can offer.

    1. Family Law Advice

      Unless a court order allows you to restrict visitation time with their father, you should continue to follow the court ordered plan. However, if you feel that they are suffering because of his bad behavior, it probably is a good idea to hire an attorney to go back to court, complete mediation, and ask for more restrictive visitation (possibly supervised visitation) or more limited amounts of times.

  38. I don’t know which steps to take and what to do first. I left my marriage when my child was 3 months old. I did not seek divorce, support, or custody as i was afraid of my ex. Last year I was able to obtain divorce with a simple no-fault divorce. I have made no attempts to seek legal custody as I cannot afford it- and I am still afraid to “rock the boat”. I provide everything for my child- food, clothing, full time child care/learning, dance and gymnastics. He used to willingly give me half of the months child care expenses, but that was only for the first year.
    Now my child is 5 years old. I have done my best to ensure a good relationship between her and her father, yet he is “unavailable” and she doesn’t want to spend much time with him. I have had to be creative in my budget to be soley financially responsible (including a one bedroom apartment and 14 year old car held together by the grace of God).
    So my question/comment is…. what is best path for me? Seek sole custody? Seek written custody agreement then child support? Seek child support through domestic relations (that will make him angry) and then some form of custody agreement? I want to be able to provide what best for my child and I want to make sure I do it in the proper manner.

    1. Family Law Advice

      I know it is difficult, but you need to be able to afford it and the first step is seeking assistance from friends, family, and taking out a credit card. This is no joke, it will be worth it 1000 times over when you have sole custody and are receiving child support on a regular basis. you know what you can’t afford to do? Nothing. Don;t get steam rolled and stop being afraid of what he will do – stand up for yourself and your child – you both deserve the child custody help that one of our attorneys can provide. I know, it costs money, but you will make it back 100-fold when the child support checks start rolling in. Get started right away!

  39. Hello. My son has been told that he has to write a declaration letter to the judge stating why he should have visitation with his 5 1/2 year old daughter. He and his ex wife abused drugs during the first year of my granddaughter’s life, which was really the last time he was with his daughter. They both have struggled over the past 4 1/2 years trying to get their lives together. The mother continued with drugs and was even jailed along with her current boyfriend due to drug. However, she is currently clean. The maternal grandmother really has been raising the child since birth and never allowed anyone on our side of the family to visit my granddaughter. My son has remarried, went back to school and is a certified dental hygienist, currently employed. He another child and is ready to be the father he needs to be to both his children. We’ve always expressed the need for him to be a part of his daughter’s life. He finally stated that he couldn’t be a father until he got his act together. There has been no jail or drugs in the time he has been away from his daughter, he just needed to grow up and mature. He was told if the judge does not like his letter of declaration, he would not be granted visitation. Could you please tell me if there is a form letter and also what exactly needs to be in the letter and how does he format it. Your help is greatly appreciated.

    1. A form letter? Think about that for a moment: if you were a judge, and were given a generic “form letter”, would this be enough to let a supposedly recovered drug addict who could possibly put a child’s life at risk of death the chance to be a father again? Of course not! Listen, there is no silver bullet or easy way out. Just as he worked hard to get where he is now, a declaration letter needs to be succinct and very detailed and show the progress a person has made. Without hiring an attorney to help, he has no chance, it’s just that simple.

  40. I have a question for which I would like an answer (we live in Texas):

    Why is a child’s mother acting as a custodial parent relieved of any and all responsibility in child custody matters?

    My husband has a son from a previous marriage for whom he has been paying child support FAITHFULLY since the time the order became effective. In November, after the child turned 18, we received notice that our debt was paid in full and even received a refund for overpayments made. Now, nearly 4 months later, we are notified that his withholding order is not only reinstituted (with arears!), but increased and will continue until August when he is supposed to graduate.

    We have no problem paying our debt; the problem is that this child’s mother has never once provided us with any health or education documents or communicated with us about even the smallest matters concerning this child. Not once! Neither she NOR the child have responded to any of my husband’s countlesss (and documented) contact attempts pleading for simple matters of information. Mother and child only live approximately 10 miles from our home, yet we have not been allowed to see him in years. We have no idea why this child is not able to graduate now until August because not even the (private) school he attends will communicate with us.

    You will likely tell me that this is none of my business because I am not the child’s mother. I submit to you; however, that it IS my business for the following reasons:
    1. The constant heartbreak my husband suffers at his futile attempts to get to know his own son negatively impact our household;
    2. The amount being paid for child support has a very limiting effect on our ability run our household;
    3. Had my husband been allowed by the child’s mother to be an influence and disciplinarian in this child’s life as he has attempted to be, there is a good chance he would be graduating on time;
    4. I am personally still paying on a loan I took out to satisfy a settlement demand that came about following a court-ordered mediation many months ago; and
    5. I am personally providing dental and vision insurance for this child through MY employer’s benefits package.

    The obligation of paying large sums of money for things one is prohibited from having any control over whatsoever is maddening! Child support obligations do NOT just affect a child’s biological parents and it seems to me that a non-custodial parent’s FAMILY’S obligation ought to be directly proportional to the amount of effort and cooperation put forth by the custodial parent’s family. I have seen my step-son exactly 2 times in the more than 4 years my husband and I have been married! Since I never had any children of my own, it would have been nice to develop a relationship with my step-son.

    We simply do not have the means to persue any sort of legal action here besides, any type of legally mandated contact between my husband and his son will not heal these wounds and would be extremely hollow at best . . . let alone the fact that visitation rules no longer apply now that he is 18 years old. I would just like to have an answer to my question, because this DOES affect me.

    1. familylawrights

      This is a heartbreaking situation and one we hear about all too much–a mother keeping kids away from their father. Good luck with that aspect–its a tough road for your husband and he is lucky to have you as support. As far as child support is concerned, 18-is not necessarily the magic age–it is normally when they graduate high-school, so it can be post-18th birthday. Please be aware that graduation is when it should cease if no arrearage exists. Setting up a court date with the judge for a date after graduation will ensure that the proper amount has been paid and no arrearage will exist. but beware–in some instances, courts make parents pay a portion of college expenses as well, so don’t think you are almost out of the woods yet, there still may be a long hard road ahead.
      Some attorneys will only charge a small fee for child support issues as they can be handled in one or two court dates, sometimes only $500. Call a few and find out! Good luck.

  41. I’m in a similar situation. I live in Illinois and I have two daughters, age 7 and 11. My 11 year old daughter says she likes coming over, but does not want to spend the night. She’s adamantly refusing, and her mom and step-dad encourage her not to stay if she doesn’t want to. They say at 11, she is old enough to make that decision. They’ve just filed a Motion to Modify Visitation, and have asked for 2 Saturdays a month, with no overnight visits. It’s driving a huge wedge in my relationship with my daughter, and it’s starting to affect my 7 year old as well.

    When I refused to sign, my daughter told me that her mom is going to get her a lawyer and that she is going to petition the court to never see me again. What gives? We have so much fun when we are together, but this absolute refusal to spend the night is getting harder and harder. I literally have to force her to come with me, and then her mom stands there in front of her and tells her that I’m ruining our daughters life and making everything harder for her.

    What do I do? I’ve responded to the courts asking for every other weekend, half of their breaks, and two weeks out of the summer. I’d love more time, but I know I won’t get it. Looks like this is going to be a hard battle in court. What can I expect? Can my daughter actually get her own lawyer and petition the court to never see me again? Their mom keeps saying that if we just let her have some time away, with little or no visitation, that she will come around on her own and change her mind. I’m not buying that for a second, but I’m lost as to how to fix this problem with my daughter! Please help!

    1. If your child is telling you things like, “mom says her lawyer will make sure you never see me again” then she is violating the basic principles in the state of Illinois regarding discussing these matters to or in front of the children. Go to court and ask the court for an “emergency intervention.” If they can send you to emergency intervention that day, an “intervenor” will interview your children and you and your ex and they will find out that your ex has been badmouthing you to your children. As far as your kids getting a lawyer, this is either a “guardian ad litem” or a “child representative” that represents the best interests of the children. The court will appoint one, and the two of you will split the costs and fees of this attorney.

  42. My son is 3. He throws a fit when he has to go to his moms.we share parent. I have him two days and she has him 2 days then every other weekend. She lives house to house with her boyfriend’s. He has come home with bruises and he says she yells at him and hitshits him and hits his sister too. Which is not my child. Her mom is on my side one moment saying he is hits him and is mental abusive to him.then when it time to go to court she will take her side. Any ideas how i can prove her unfit.

    1. This is no easy task. You should file for “Emergency Intervention.” What this means is that the court will order an “intervenor” or “mediator” or some type of court appointed attorney and counselor to interview all parties involved and make a determination as to what has been taking place. You need an attorney for this. It is essential to make sure that your rights are protected and that your son is safe. Don’t waste any more time.

  43. I have not been with my daughters mom since before she was born, went to court for support, and custody rights when she was eight months old, at that time after I was found to be the bilogical father, and shemoved shortly after our court date, I believe that I was poorly represented, but what could I do I couldnt afford an attorney and had to settle for a public defender ( public pretender ) if you ask me….I have struggled financially ever since being forced to pay medical and child support, I want to see my child, She is now 10, we both have legal custody, and she has sole physicall, I barely get to see her as I have to work most weekends, and when I do its mostly holidays, and her mother refuses to meet me half way, and when I do ask to see her it takes her mother 3-4 days to reply to a voice mail or text message which makes trying to make any type of plans nearly impossible. Now her mother is removing her from school to do online classes, I do not believe that she should be removed from a social environment at an age when she needs to learn social development and how to handle different social scenarios. On top of this her mother who is now 6 months pregnant plans to do at home day care……I dont believe that this is in the best intrest of our daughter. I have told her mother that I dont consent to this course of action, and all her mother tells me is that I have no right and she can do as she pleases as she has sole physical custody. How can the courts expect me to do anything when her mother stands in the way like this and Iam so financially burdened that I am not able to spare the money to drive the distance to get her and bring her back, this has been an ongoing nightmare…

    1. File a Petition to Modify your Parenting Agreement and ask for a set visitation schedule. It does not need to be weekends, it can be a Tuesday or a Wednesday even for visitation, although it is probably best to start out small because of your lack spending a lot of time with your child. Get started immediately, and it doesn’t cost anything to call us for a free consultation at the very least!

  44. My divorce was final in 1/2011, however we have been seperated since 5/2010, and in that our 12 year old son (who was 10 in 2010) spent every other week with me, basically having 50/50 custody, when the divorce was final, because I was a stay at home mom, my ex filed the papers, and told me to get court ordered 50/50 was going to cost alot more then the standared custody, since our divorce was mutual i agreed, however we had an agreement that we would keep the 50/50 thing going, then in 1/2012 my sons father remarried, and his new wife is butting into the agreement we had, and now my ex wants to enforce the custody papers, after almost 3 years of 50/50 his new wife told him its best to enforce papers, and on top of that, my son gets grounded from his phone, which the only person he calls on it is me, so his father punishes him by not letting him talk to me, and his new wife is butting into my sons school work, setting up meetings, and such..which i read that Step-Parents dont have that right, if they are not actuall guadians, which she is not…she is only married to my ex. My son on the other hand, is suffering…I dont want to take my son from his father, but i want to ensure we have 50/50, how can I modify, and how expensive can this be?

    1. The solution is not easy, but the first step would be to file a Petition for Modification of Custody. By doing this, you will get the chance to get in front of a judge and ask that the agreement that has been ongoing will remain intact. An attorney is your best bet here, but you are right in assuming it is not a cheap process. Realistically, it would be normal to expect a retainer of between $1500-$2000. The main question you need to ask yourself is this: is it worth the money to get your son in a more stable environment? Call on your friends and family to help you, it will be worth it in the end. Good luck.

  45. Hello out there. Well here is my story. I have a beautiful 6 yo old daughter that lives with her mother since the separation. My ex wife and I have been separated since ending of 2007. I just recently earlier this year found out that the divorce was finalized last sept. even though I signed to an uncontested divorce. But that’s besides the point. What I’m trying to tell you is that my daughters mother and I have never been able to see eye to eye in reference to our daughter. I have always had my daughters best interest at state all the time. Since the separation my daughters mother in the beginning tried real hard to take my daughter away. Put a restraining order I beat that. Tried to put supervised visitation I beat that. One thing she even tried was to lie in court and say I was physiologically bad. U de stand something I work for the Dept of Homeland Security and I had to go through physiological tests and passed. So since 2008 till just recently I have had where I was able to see my daughter all the time since I had her every Wednesday every other Monday and ever other weekend. And also during that time there were times we had to go to court because of my mother. But more on that later. So now I have moved to Florida to make a better life for me and for my daughter since in NJ it was hard to live and never lived correctly. And since I made this decision to move it has been an uphill battle for me. First I went to the courts to modify my time and ask for certain days during the year so my daughter can be with me here in Florida. Also I asked since my mother my daughters grandmother can have the days I have had or at least some days so she can spend time with my side of the family. And that isn’t boiling right either. So here I am after all that now in Florida to make it better and my daughters mother has an attorney trying to take the time I would like to have with my daughter away. Only giving me 10 days during the summer when I am asking for the 30 days not even the whole summer just maybe the month of July….and the judge and the lawyer of hers are saying no that’s not possible because she needs to be with her mom and can’t be away for more than 15 days…. Another thing is like I said before I have asked the courts to please let my mom take some of the days I had so my daughter can stay at her grandmothers house. Since after the desperation I always took my daughter to her grandmothers house and she stood at that house most of the time. So no the lawyer and her mother are saying no cuz grandmothers have no rights. So remember I am in Florida I want her to have time with her immediate family and my daughters mother doesn’t want that…..even more my mom is only allowed to speak to her grandchild only 2 days of the week. So what this dicertation cuz I want to know what I need to do. I would love to have my daughter live with me and the. Her mom can have visitation. My daughter tells me that always. I have a steady job been there 10 + yrs…..for for the federal government what more can I say. I just need like some explanation on what rights and what can be done. The mother and I do not for no reason at all get along which perplexes my mind cuz I have heard of stories of parents getting along just fine. But my case not even close. Even more I recently told my daughters mom that I need to change the dentist insurance and since the court ordered me to have her on my insurance she comes and tells me that i don’t have to worry about it I don’t have to pay anymore cuz she has insurance and I ask her and what is she talking about and the. Tells me that Obama gave her the insurance. Even though she lives in a mansion and her husband boyfriend lover father of her second child is basically rich living in a posh posh neighborhood in nj with all the amenities. But besides the point sidetracked there sorry. So my question is what can be done to make this an easier transition for the well being and safety of my child or our child. Thanks

    1. Right off the bat I can tell you that getting an entire month for visitation is a lot–judges do not like that normally. What I would ask for is this: 6-weeks of summer vacation given to you in 3-two week periods or 6-one week periods. This is much more likely. Grandparents do not have the same rights as parents in most states, and although grandparent visitation is evolving nationwide, it is still no guarantee. The only thing I can recommend at this point is to sit down with an attorney for a free consultation and learn your rights. Make it easy to figure out solutions–no rambling long stories (that is usually full of irrelevant facts and details and wastes time). Make a list of what you want to achieve, what you currently have, and what the minimum you would accept is as far as visitation, etc. Good luck!

  46. In the State of Louisiana, what is the age when a child can determine which parent he wishes to
    live with providing the parent he wishes to live with can meet the statute criteria for support
    which includes adequate housing, food and proper schooling, and a loving environment for
    the child to grow and prosper, mentally and physically. The child be 11 in January 2013, is currently living with his father, and a judgement was recently made that provides visitation every other weekend for my son (stepfather) and my daughter-in-law. I am a graduate engineer (BSME)
    in conjunction with an MBA, 66 years of age and retired with disability. I think that the recent
    judgement was determined in a parish (county) that was permeated with relatives of the ex-husband in the legal community, and Police Department as well. I have spent a fair amount
    of money in helping my son and daughter-in-law in these court actions, and the real father
    has left marks, bruises on this child with slaps by his fiance’ and it seems that the Court System
    could care less because of the influence by the family of the child’s real father and seems immune
    to any action brought against him. The child’s school called Child Protective Services because of
    marks and bruises on the child and the local detective who investigated the incident, was a close
    friend of the real father, and dismissed any and all charges against the aforementioned.

    Thanking you in advance for this information,

    Ron Barras (step-grandfather)
    New Orleans, LA

    1. Unfortunately there is no age when a child can decide what parent they want to live with. That is for a court to decide. However, when a child reaches the age between 13+, many court will allow a child’s opinion to give some weight to the decision. Getting the proper reports for any type of protective services write ups and having the court appoint a “guardian ad litem” (an attorney that is for the child’s best interests, not the parents) to explore the situation is necessary in this type of situation. You will have to pay for at least half of the guardian ad litem’s fees, and they are not cheap either, but necessary to fight for this child. Hiring an attorney i =s the first step you should make. Look, we wish we could give you step by step instructions on how to win, but its just not that simple. You need the help that only an expert who has years of experience can provide. Don’t waste any more time.

  47. my husband of six years had two children from a past marriage well we all started to get along and they were liking me the step mom but the real mom got jelous and told some lies to the kids when the daughter got really nasty about me and only wanted to come over when there were gifts (xmas,birthdays,easter) then she refused to come over intill it was time for more gifts. we put an end to that, that was five years ago, so the boy kept coming over uptill about three months ago.he feels that his father should take him all weekend and do whatever the son wants and spend money without me in pic at all. this is very odd to us. the mother is an ex wife from hell and is remarried and wants their step father to do all and be their father. my husband has been treated badly by his ex and kids since 2000 i came into picture in 2006. there is so much more but i would end up writing a book he also dosent think his daughter is his. he still has to pay his support. he gets nothing from it. i know it hurts him. what it all boils down to is his ex dont want me in the picture so she has turned his son against him there is much more to this story. is there anything we can do his son is 14 years old so forcing him to come is out of the question. we just keep paying support for a daughter that might not be his and a son that just went off the deep end for no reason. ginger

    1. If there has been an order in court that he is paying support on and he signed the birth certificate or a voluntary acknowledgement of paternity, even if a DNA test showed he was not the father, he would probably still have to pay support. It seems unfair, but a judge only cares about whats best for a child, and that means having the child supported, especially by a man who has acted and raised a child believing it was his own. This is a situation where only court can help, a judge needs to get their hands around the situation and take control. Get started soon!

  48. Come friday my son will be 13. i have a past in the court system with drug abuse that never stays in the past cause once you’re in the court system it never goes away, ahh the revolving circle of money, anyway I was married for 12yrs and been divorced for over a year. i had visitations with my son and it was great, he actually wanted to move in with me. i make good money and always been a hard worker. Since my divorce i was put on wellbutrin and xanax for depression and panic attacks. I quit wellbutrin and xanax cold turkey, i just didnt want to be on a pill my whole life. i was working 12hr nights/6days a week. The detox from them gave me vivid dreams and found myself sleep walking which i had never done in my life. I always slept in my boys bed when he stayed cause i knew it was always a long week without him and i cherished our time and always had fun together. I had slept walked and threw a 19in tv threw the window, and didnt realized what had happened till i did it. It obviously scared my son and the first person i called was the police to report it. i’ve never been a violent person and have no record of being violent, it’s not my nature. my ex has used this and exploded the story that i was using drugs and tried to kill my son. i’ve had 8 o.p.’s from her and nothing ever violent, she’s just the type to push her authority as a mother. She has now turned my son against me and he does not want to see me. She is mentally abusing saying he will have a new dad soon and my rights will be terminated soon. the court wants me to get a phyc evaluation cause obviously the court is on her side. She has put him in therapy so in the courts eyes my child suffered. It’s been 8 months since i’ve seen my boy, she’s got it so bad publicly that now i’m forced to switch my job and move cause of this. what suggestions do you have for me? Everyday is a battle and I just don’t know what to do anymore.

    1. Wow, this is quite an upsetting situation. The only thing you can do is hire an attorney, this is too complex to just put a bandaid fix on. You will need to do an evaluation with a therapist to show that you are not violent. You also must show that you are stable and that whatever caused this to happen has been taken care of. This is serious, if you don’t want to lose the rights to have visitation with your child, you must get started soon.


    1. Child support problems can make a custodial parents life a nightmare, and we understand that. You are correct, it is not fair that you are doing everything you can to give your children a chance while their father refuses to pay child support that could make a world of difference. Child support is normally based on two different factors, in some states, it is based on the best needs of the children and a judge will decide how much is enough. In other states, child support is based on a percentage of the paying persons income. You should hire an attorney so that his employment records can be subpoenaed and explored to find out if he is paying you enough. Good luck!

  50. My daughter never married the father of their child. However, they do have an amicable custody decree. Recently the fatber was arrested for possesion , drug trafficking and possesion of illegaly obtained assault rifles. He is the owner of a local “tobacco” shop. My question is- how quickly can we obtain supervised visitations and or sole custody? We want to respect the need to have him involved in the childs life. Our fear is that he will take off with the child knowing what he is facing. My daughter is 27 years old she lost her father suddenly at the age of 12. The impact of losing her own father has had a profound effect in her own life. With that being said. She sees the need yo protect her child without revoking a fathers rights/need to see his child. We don’t have any idea how the illegal activities will be played out. I feel quite sure he will serve time. We are asking for emergency supervised costody as this is a very re ent event. Please advise. Do we see the original Judge? The child loves her father as do we. He comes from a good family despite his choices to ” get rich quick”. He loves his daughter.

    1. Supervised visitations can be obtained relatively quickly if an attorney files an emergency motion on your behalf. Be careful, if you do not do this the right way you will make the judge upset and that is not a good way to start. An attorney can handle this pretty quickly and easily, at least, the start of it is. Once done, you will need to provide good proof of these allegations. Get started immediately.

  51. Father’s Rights!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We as father’s have no rights or say…….. I go to court on Sept.24th. I’ve seen my son 1 time. That was the first weekend in Aug. Now he doesn’t want to come over because my ex is telling him the reason why we aren’t a family is because of my wife. My wife and I didn’t meet until almost after a year after our divorce. Then I get another story that my wife is talking bad about his mother. My wife has always talked respect about his mom (infront of my son). I have talk to my attorney about “Fathers Rights”. It doesn’t exsist…….. I’m the one being punished because I want to have a relationship with my son…..

    1. Donnetta Webster Rucker

      Im glad to hear that there are dads out there wanting to see his kids. My ex has visitation, but claims that he works so much that he don’t have time to call or come see them.

      1. familylawrights

        That is unfortunate for your children. We are always happy to help father’s that want to be a big part of their children’s lives. Mother’s like you have it rough, but hang in there and stay strong for your kids!

  52. My ex wife is doing the same to me. Although I had moved to another state to avoid any further “police” calls and restraining orders, I still come up to Indiana quite often to see my children. Recently, (now) I am here in Indiana again to see my children as per my legal rights to see them only to find another restraining order against me and that she took the children away from the home they live in. How can she get a restraining order against me when I’m not even living in the state? She lied to the courts about my current residence. My twin daughters knew I was coming to see them, they were very excited. What has she told them now? I’m sure they are wondering where their father is. Yes I applied for my free consultation on this site. and am looking forward to finding out how I can get legal help and to be a part of my daughters lives, they are only 6 years old.

    1. If your ex is using the police to harass you with trumped up charges you have to be extremely cautious. It sounds like a story we’ve heard a number of times. In this situation, it is best to always make sure you have an independent witness each and every time to protect yourself from the stories your ex is telling the police. You need an attorney that will fight for you here, this type of situation has the cards stacked against you. Be cautious, get attorney help, and protect your rights.

  53. My ex wife once again 2 1/2 years later is interfering with my visitation wit my 13 year old son.
    I took her to court 2 1/2 years ago and she was found in contempt and had to pay my attorney fees. I went over 8 months before I could see him.
    Now she is doing it again and has my son so brainwashed. I recently got married and my wife gets along with my sons or did till now. My ex-wife is so jealous of my wife and has done everything to turn my sons against her also. When they were coming over, my ex-wife was always texting them and seeing what we were doing, buying, etc…. They are her spies and every time they would leave to go home, my ex-wife calls and starts yelling and screaming about anything and everything. My oldest son is now 19. They absolutely have no respect for me or my wife.
    I have contacted my attorney, and of course I am going to have to take my ex back to court.
    What can I do to keep this from happening again and how do I get a good relationship back with my sons? From the time we have filed for divorce till now she has done nothing but destroy my relationship with my sons.

    1. This is always a difficult situation to find yourself in when you feel as though you are being taken advantage of and that games are being played with your kids. The best thing that you can do is hire a fathers rights attorney and have them fight for your rights. Be aware that not all family law attorneys are father’s rights advocates as you will find on this site. Keep good notes about days and times that these violations occur and report them to an attorney on this site! Good luck, and don’t give up.

  54. I was in the same situation a few months ago when my child wouldn’t come over to my house. My lawyer and I went back to court to show that the father of my son was telling him lies about me. Thank God I had a good divorce attorney to fight for me.

  55. My son doesn’t want to come over to my house even though I live nearby his friends and take him to do things he likes. What can I do to help? His mom isn’t helping me at all here.

    1. This is a tough decision that many parents have to deal with. It sounds like you are working hard to make things work, but you need to engage your ex and see how they can help, even if you don’t get along. If your ex is actively damaging the relationship you have with your child, you should immediately consult with an attorney on our site for a free consultation because she is probably violating terms of your agreement to not say bad things about you and to encourage your child to spend time with you. Contact someone right now for free, you deserve to have your son back in your life.

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