Last Updated: July 25, 2022
Divorce can be a sad and stressful situation but viewing it as an opportunity for growth is one way to reduce the pain. Professionals providing divorce help encourage their clients to view the positive side of the situation. Though life changes in a sudden and all-encompassing way, this also allows each person to grow. The process of dealing with changes can lead to a more fulfilling life for each former spouse. Divorce lawyers are also counselors at law, and are there to discuss everything you need in a confidential, compassionate manner–and even giving you a free family law consultation to do so.
Divorce – Move Forward, Be Positive!
After the divorce, each party should take time to learn from the experience. The former spouses must recognize themselves as independent people and take responsibility for their mistakes during the union. After a period of accountability and forgiveness, it is time to focus on the future. Some exes are afraid to put themselves “out there” again, limiting their potential for personal growth. Fear is natural but it should be overcome in order to live a healthy life.
Opening New Doors Through Self-Reflection
Divorce often opens new doors such as changing careers or returning to school. Spouses who immersed themselves in the marriage to the detriment of individual pursuits have an opportunity to achieve balance. Individuals should establish personal goals and begin working toward them at a comfortable pace, maintaining a balance between romantic relationships and self-achievement. Jumping into another relationship is often not the best decision, as it is likely best to allow for some personal growth and some time to “focus on yourself.”
Taking time to focus on yourself after a divorce means thinking about what path in life a person wants to continue to pursue or if a change is needed. When it comes to careers, many people stay in positions because their job is tied to a particular city based on where family (their exes family) might live. With this no longer being necessary, a geographical change might be possible that could open doors to new friendships, relationships, and a new career choice.
Avoiding Drastic Changes (for now)
While some change may be necessary, some changes, for certain people, might be too big of a shakeup. Don’t push yourself too far outside of your comfort zone just to make a change right away. Self-reflection takes time and making drastic changes (moving, changing jobs, etc.) all at once might not allow you to take the necessary time to heal and evaluate your life. Don’t make drastic changes at the spur of the moment but take time to think about things in-depth and consult friends or family.
Make a Plan
Having a clear path provides direction and prevents boredom or sadness from creeping in. Making a plan is an important step that will help to set things on a positive track and keep you busy. Organizing thoughts in notebook helps to weigh the pros and cons of certain decisions that have to be made, especially when a significant change might be taking place. Make a plan that includes time to heal from the divorce and steps that are needed such as house hunting or job searching.
A plan is also needed if children are involved – albeit a much more detailed plan. Beyond the parenting plan that is entered with the court, a plan is needed to help your kids with this difficult transition. Spending time with them will be beneficial, especially doing things they are familiar with such as sports they enjoy or other activities. Write down a list of things your kids enjoy or paces they like to go (park, baseball game, hiking in the woods, etc.), and checklist them all. Try to incorporate something they enjoy and are familiar with on a weekly basis. This will help show the kids that there is stability in some things in their life still.
There are many other things a parent can do that will help the children deal with this situation because it is confusing and upsetting. This might involve therapy and definitely talking it out with the kids. Single parents and their children can embark on new adventures and participate in new activities together to build a new bond around new activities while still keeping their old favorites. Keep in mind that kids may develop closer relationships with each other now that the household is not filled with tension and arguments – and that is a big positive!
Be In Charge of Yourself
Though it is not possible to control what an ex does or says, it is possible to control one’s own responses to this behavior. Some former spouses find themselves growing in unexpected ways by achieving a better relationship with their exes. This can be extremely beneficial for former couples with children because co-parenting requires ongoing communication and coordination. Other times, the former spouse remains difficult to deal with or continues to interfere in your life. When this happens, the best route is to remember that you are in control of your reactions to the bad behavior of your ex. And if need be, this might mean going back to court.
Whether emerging from a contested or agreed divorce, there are many opportunities for growth. When in doubt, ask an experienced divorce lawyer because many will have success stories to share. Life after divorce is filled with personal growth experiences for those who are able to open their eyes and their minds to them. Make the most of this second chance to create a remarkable future. Speaking with a divorce attorney for a free case evaluation is your first step to moving forward into the next positive chapter in your life. Don’t let the past define your future.