Most Common Contributing Factors to Why a Marriage Ends
Many people believe that everything happens for a reason and divorce is no exception to that rule. Every marriage – whether it has been less than a year or over 30 years – will come across problems as time moves forward and it is usually the building up of these problems and not resolving these problems that lead to the couple ending their union. A recent survey by nationally recognized family Institute explored the top reasons why marriages end in divorce and here is what that study found.
1. Financial Problems Cause Divorce
Money is a very powerful thing and, within a marriage, disagreements about finances can be a major point of contention between spouses. When a couple doesn’t agree on who finances should be handled, how money should be spent, or whether or not one spouse has control of the family budget or not, it can often lead to many arguments and feelings of resentment toward one another. In short, when a marriage experiences consistent disagreements about money, divorce is almost guaranteed.
When the housing bubble burst in the mid-2000’s, many people across America realized their spouse had been lying to them and had leveraged their life savings in the real estate market. When record numbers of mortgage foreclosures began getting served, unknowing spouses were faced with the fact that they would be forced out of their home because their spouse gambled their family’s security on real estate.
A piece of advice for couples that marry is always to take an active role in the family’s finances so that there can be no surprises. Realizing what is in the bank, what debts exist on credit cards, and knowing what your mortgage payment and interest rate is will make sure that no financial surprise hits you like a ton of bricks.
2. Lack of Trust Causes Divorce
Trust is such an important element of any relationship we have, whether it be romantic in nature or between family and friends. Couples or individuals within a relationship who feel a lack of trust with their partner often find themselves second guessing their partners actions and intentions, which often leads to many heated and emotional arguments. Without a solid foundation of trust within a relationship there will always be confrontation, which is not healthy for either partner in the marriage.
Building trust can take time, even after a couple marries. It can be hard to take down walls of security, but doing so can help make you trust your spouse more and in turn, make them trust you more as well. Marriage counselors believe that setting aside specific time on a regular basis to discuss issues that may seem small is a good first start before they come to a head.
3. Not Feeling Fulfilled Causes Divorce
In most cases, we choose to be in a relationship or marriage with someone because they fulfill some type of want or need that we possess. Whether an individual in the relationship is not being fulfilled emotionally, physically, or mentally, it can often lead to other problems within the marriage, especially when those concerns about need for fulfillment are not voiced. Often a marriage will end when the interests and desires of one spouse are not acknowledged or met by the other spouse.
Marriage counselors cite as a major contributing factor to many divorces no longer maintaining an intimate physical relationship with their spouse. Divorce attorneys have heard the same story over and over again: “my spouse hasn’t even kissed me in 2-years.” This leads many a spouse to consider the possibility that they are no longer attractive to the other spouse or that spouse is having an affair behind their backs. Rightly or wrongly, this then leads the rejected spouse to seek comfort outside of the marriage. The moral of the story is not to simply give in to the whims of your spouse, that would be wrong, but communication as a married couple about these issues is essential so that both parties can have an understanding of the needs of the other spouse.
4. Feeling Inhibited Causes Divorce
For some individuals, being in a relationship or marriage that does not make them fulfilled often also makes them feel constrained or held back from working toward their life goals. When an individual feels their marriage is holding them back from important opportunities in their life, they often build up a feeling of resentment toward their partner – if these issues are left unresolved, it can lead to continuing arguments within the marriage, which will ultimately lead to the couple ending their relationship.
For some, this could mean being talked into becoming a stay at home parent, for others it could mean being talked into leaving the children and getting employed. Still other individuals report that being forced to take the safe approach to providing for their family has forced them to set aside their dreams of running their own business or doing something they love. Again, marriage counselors stress that the key to avoiding these feelings is to communicate in advance of things reaching the point of no return.
5. Mental and/or Physical Abuse Causes Divorce
Abuse, both mental and physical, has also been a leading cause for couples to divorce. Abuse comes in many different forms but regardless of the type of abuse, it is important to seek help and counseling for yourself and your family. Depending on the level and manner of the abuse, it may be possible for counseling to save the marriage – if not, it is important for individuals to take their and their family’s well-being into consideration when thinking about ending the relationship.
Individuals that have been verbal abusers and that have never shown any tendency toward violence can be rehabilitated through counseling. Physical abuse, once it rears its ugly head, should be dealt with in a quicker and more severe manner as danger to the life of the other spouse and the children is a serious matter. In no way should this be taken to mean that mental abuse is not as bad as physical abuse, what many counselors do believe, however, is that physical abuse, once it begins, can quickly escalate and lives can be lost. Sometimes, when a spouse is abusive even once, the abused spouse needs to step away from the marriage to avoid catastrophe.
Dealing With Having to Divorce
There are many reasons why divorce happens and many ways to deal with it. The right way normally involves obtaining legal assistance, like speaking with an experienced family law attorney or other professional to find out each parties rights and responsibilities throughout the divorce process. This allows divorcing spouses – no matter what the reason – to at least make an attempt at ending the marriage amicably or without a long drawn out court battle. If you need to speak with a divorce expert, contact one of our affiliated team members today!