Divorcing a Cheating HusbandLast Updated on August 11, 2023 @ 8:30 am

Divorcing a cheating husband and knowing when the time is right to move on is important when you have had enough of the affairs. According to a study published in the Journal of Marital and Family Therapy, 41 percent of marriages in the U.S. are burdened with emotional or physical infidelity. Infidelity is a major cause of divorce and it can make an already emotional situation much more difficult to handle. Twenty-two percent of men admit to straying at least one time while married. For a woman in a marriage, this is a scary statistic, but it should also help to point out that you are not alone.

Divorcing a Cheating Husband is Tough – Let Our Team Help!

You don’t have to go through this alone. When you decide its time to divorce your cheating husband, you need to make sure that you have a proven advocate, a fighter on your side, to make sure your interests are protected. You also need to ensure that your mental health is in order – infidelity is a form of mental abuse and it should be treated as such.

Divorcing a cheating husband isn’t to go through, and you shouldn’t do it alone. Family, friends, and most importantly, a good divorce lawyer, will help support you and get you through these difficult times. Most divorce lawyers will provide free consultations for those who need to divorce a husband that cheats. In addition to this, a licensed therapist or psychiatrist that specializes in marriage counseling can help. A marriage counselor isn’t necessarily someone who works only with couples to save their marriage, they also assist people that have to move on because of the actions of the other spouse.

Does an Affair Mean the Marriage is Over?

It’s impossible to know if a one-night stand is enough to mean the marriage is over. For some people, this may  not be a deal breaker, for other people, this signals that there is no turning back and the marriage is done.  Trust being destroyed, it may be impossible to ever return to to the marriage in a healthy state. Affairs are typically characterized as one-night stands but according to most major studies, the average length of an affair is two years. Thirty-one percent of marriages continue after an affair is discovered or admitted to by the cheating spouse. This leads to the conclusion that the majority of marriages touched by infidelity do not last, and in marriages do survive, if the other spouse knew that it lasted for more than 2-years, the amount of divorces would certainly increase.

When infidelity on the part of her husband leads a wife to divorce, a cheating husband becomes enemy number one. Divorcing a cheating husband may mean not only the breaking up of your marriage, but also the ending of a painful chapter in your life. You deserve happiness! Moving on is essential and needs to be done in a healthy manner. Anger, resentment, and hurt feelings will continue, but being a survivor means knowing that moving on and moving forward is the only way to live your best life.

What to Do When Divorcing Your Cheating Husband

A spouse that is scorned may be ready to take the house, the cars, the children, and the family dog. She may even want to take marital property that she has no interest in keeping just to spite her cheating spouse. However, this is not the best approach and a good attorney will tell her this. In almost every state, the fact that a husband cheated does not mean that the wife will get a larger share of the property or money and it does not necessarily mean that the wife will get custody of the kids. This is because almost every state is now what is known as a “no-fault” divorce state. This means that infidelity does not need to be proven to obtain a divorce. The standard in these states is normally that the marriage has had irreconcilable differences and the marriage is dead.

The primary reason the courts in most states have changed from fault-based divorces to no-fault divorces is because of the time and cost involved in proving infidelity. If the husband has not admitted to the affair, it can be difficult to prove and likely would require an expensive private investigator and a lengthy trial that could cost thousands of dollars. By removing the fault requirement to obtain a divorce, large amounts of money and possibly years of court are eliminated.

Does a Cheating Husband Owe Money?

There are some instances where a cheating husband may have to pay a larger proportion of the property/money to his wife though. This could happen through a process called “dissipation.” Most evidence of marital misconduct is considered circumstantial but it may be admissible in court. Cell phone records, pictures, testimonials from friends and co-workers, emails, and text messages are common evidence. The Internet makes it easy to find indication of infidelity and when the information is printed it becomes evidence.

Dissipation makes a cheating husband pay the marriage back for money he spent on his paramour. Then, when the divorce is finalizing, a larger share of that money may be awarded to the wife. This is not easy to prove and likely will cost some money for an attorney to prepare and present the evidence needed to this though. Because of the costs involved, most divorces due to a cheating husband do not involve dissipation claims unless the total amount of money spent by the cheater is many thousands of dollars.

Speaking with an experienced divorce attorney to find out what impact adultery will have on an expected financial settlement is essential. State divorce laws vary when it comes to adultery so while the situation may prove lucrative in some states it may not make much of a difference in others. If adultery will affect the financial outcome, an expert divorce attorney will help his female client document and present the evidence in court. If the husband spent relatively small amounts of money on some dinners, dates, or drinks at a bar, a dissipation claim is almost certainly not worth it because the cost to recoup a few hundred dollars (or even a few thousand dollars) will likely far exceed any award to the wife. However, some cheating husbands have purchased expensive jewelry, vehicles, and taken expensive vacations and cruises with another woman – these types of situations might mean a dissipation claim is worth it in the end.

Next Steps for Moving On

Moving on is essential. A husband who will not admit to his cheating ways may decide to contest the divorce, which might make the process of moving on that much harder, which is why a wife needs to keep things in perspective and look at the big picture (which is not easy to do)! A divorce attorney can provide contested divorce help so the wife does not need to go to extremes to get out of the marriage. Once their union has been dissolved through divorce, moving on and healing from this trauma can begin. Divorcing a cheating husband isn’t easy and there will be many different emotions involved. But working with an expert divorce attorney will streamline the process of divorcing your cheating husband so you can move on to the next positive chapter in your life.

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39 thoughts on “Divorcing a Cheating Husband”

  1. vredette C hawkins

    I Been Married for nine years , i been with my husband he has cheated the whole marriage. Two years married he wants me too a threesome with friends . My husband emotional mentally physically hurt me. We have no children together. The only time he say my my wife is when he is in trouble, its seem to keep getting worst everyday Now he dont come home , always telling me he at work or its about his daughter. I ask him let go to marriage classes, he always tell me he will never divorce me, I love my hubby but he doesnt love me the same. Mentally i dont know how much more i can take from him.

  2. My wife was always home late, making private calls and acting shady. So I found a hacker who helped me access her Facebook, texts, even her email and other social media accounts. He even got her recently deleted texts sent me her locations via GPS. I was heartbroken because I saw her talking with other men and found out they were been meeting up without me knowing – multiple men even. I don’t know if it’s right to spy like this, but I didn’t feel like I had a choice. I need to divorce her and I want her to pay for it. What can I do?

    1. First of all, I’m sorry that you went through this. It sounds like your gut instincts were right in thinking she was doing something – turns out it was worse than I bet you ever imagined. Stay strong, you will get through this, you are not alone in having had a wife step out on you and cheat with another man.

      Now, to the legal issues you presented here:
      The hacking into texts, emails, etc., might not be legal, depending what state you live in. This would be the case in virtually every states for certain things you described here. If the phone is owned by you and in your name and your spouse uses it under your plan, you may have the right to install certain software on that phone and utilize GPS services. Some states would allow this type of surveillance, but many would not. When it comes to the texts, emails, and social media accounts, you could be getting yourself into hot water. The Electronic Communications Privacy Act of 1986 (‘ECPA‘) is a federal law that makes it a criminal offense to monitor and record certain communications (ie. wiretapping). this would likely include things like emails, text messages, and the like. Every state also has laws on the books that specifically state whether intercepting certain types of communications or placing recording devices on phones, computers, etc., is legal or not – in most cases, it is not legal.

      You’ve already done it and it sounds like it has hopefully given you peace of mind that you made the right decision to divorce your cheating spouse, but that’s as far as it should probably go. In almost every state, (there are only a couple exceptions), whether a spouse cheated and committed adultery has no bearing on how the divorce process moves forward. With very limited exception, it has almost no impact on your divorce case as well. Almost every state is now what is known as a “no-fault” divorce state. This means that grounds or fault for divorce do not need to be proven (in fact, it goes further than that – the courts do not WANT fault or grounds proven). The point here is that, while you may have gotten closure from finding out the truth, it most likely will have no impact on the divorce at all and it is possible that it could get you into legal trouble.

      Tread carefully, and whenever anyone wants to find out information about their cheating spouse, contact a divorce lawyer first. It may be possible to hire a private investigator and keep yourself out of trouble.

  3. Hi my husband of 38 yrs has cheated on me 4 of them yrs he has moved out in with her he was bread maker .i have got job been paying everything including property taxes he had not payed and was up for sale his girl texts me all the time about their have sex life i mean detail. He has came and took anything valueable. The house has alot of repair s im doing ive got so down try taking my life 3 times i cant keep like this but i need house for kids and grandson my dather has cllony cancer and my home is a gering home for them plz help

  4. My husband is cheating with a personal Assistant fromhis former place of work, I want to leave him and Ido not want any of his property Ijust want to stay alone and have a piece of mind.

  5. My husband cheated and gave me an STD after 16 years of marriage only after I found out I had cervical cancer and was recovering. He planned to leave me for her and once he admitted he did wrong I stayed and tried to see if he would show attention love and affection and nothing for a year and a half and then we decide to sleep in separate rooms, separate lives and after a month I went and stayed with a girl friend for a week just to get away from the house and he moved his child her boyfriend and their 2 kids in without my knowledge and packed up my grandsons room and my daughters room moved it all to the basement, it got soaked and molded but anyway I went back to stay in my room and he moved back in my room. All the bills r in his name and we rent the house however I need to know since he did wrong shouldn’t he be the one to have to leave and start his life over instead of me ?

    1. We bought our house in 1994 & my husband didn’t put my name on the title but I was on the loan for the debt. I told him this was right so he wrote me what we considered a Postnump that stayed if he “ever cheated on me that the house would be 100% mine & all of its equity.” My proof of his breach is that in 2004 I had him arrested for sexually assaulting my daughter. During our divorce he opened the door to this subject. My question is CAN THIS BE ENFORCED? I have ALL of the supporting evidence.
      My divorce is in CA

    2. He went out the door, saying that he was going to meet an old friend for coffee. He’d be gone for few hour. Four hours later, I was getting a bit worried, and a text I sent wasn’t responded too, and this has been going on for a while that i will call or text and nobody to pick my call, so i had to talk to my sister for help and told me about elitecracker12 on g mail, within few days i can see his phone inside my phone and have access to his text, calls and social medias. One day he came home late and i checked where he was on my phone. We’d had our phones connected to each other without his knowledge, for months by then. i used that feature to see his text, email, and meetings, without having to bug the other while driving. Mostly I just forgot it was even there. I checked it just in time to see his drive out to the edge of our city, and stop in a dead end in the middle of a field. It took him sitting there for a while, until I clued in.
      I remember being calm, but sad about it. I was home watching our children. I considered bundling them into the car, and driving out to make sure he knew he was caught, but I felt I couldn’t do that to them because i have to have a concrete evidence. I just waited until he came home, and calmly told him I knew. I remember he told me that he felt really confused, we argue that night and still pretend he did noting. I think the emotional trauma kind of overwhelmed me a little and keep vigilant on him for sometime. After some time i contact elitecraker12 on Gmail to enlighten me on how to catch him red handed, he explain a lot to me and i follow the steps, 13th April , 2021 i caught my husband red-handed with is secretary who i count as a family member in a motel, was down in tears for so many weeks, Thank God am back on my feet and ready for the divorce process, if not of elitecracker12 how will i be able to catch him with concrete evidence. I count him as my ex because he would never accept responsibility for his actions. It was always someone else’s fault.


    My husband has been cheating on me day one of my marriage till date.. currently has married another lady with a baby..he doesn’t take care of me and the baby he does not care how we survive he actually has channelled his energy to his new wife …he hid it from me till I looked through his phone and found prove…he keeps doing it…I really want to divorce him cuz emotionally I am drained I don’t know when I will heal…please help me know whether to continue or back out…he hardly sleeps home… sometimes go and come back two weeks …I am dying everyday please help

    1. Move on hunny, you said it yourself your dying. Save the energy and reinvent yourself. Go seek counseling have a girl night out. Pray and ask God for strength to moved forwarded. Most importantly forgive him do you can be free to live and love again. Its easier said then done I know love shellz

  7. My husband been cheating on me for 5 years I confronted him but he denied it. I have text messages, phone call messages , I have receipts he sent his mistresses money over years, I caught him at the hotel with her was not able to take pictures of them because it was time for him to leave but I did took pictures of both cars and hotel names and etc. The house is in his name at the mortgage company but I am on the deed. We been married for 18 years. He want me to move out with our son. So his mistress can move in. What is my right?

    1. Generally speaking, courts do not necessarily care if the infidelity happens (as a reason for divorce) because infidelity alone does not mean either person gets more or less of the money/assets in the marriage.
      There are a few things here to consider:

      1. Dissipation: This is essentially claiming that your husband spent money (that was marital property, which means, basically, equally yours and his) outside of the marriage fr a non-marital purpose. If you are able to prove this, the amount of money he spent on gifts, vacations, sending money, etc., has to be “paid back to the marital estate” and then, when marital assets are divided, a larger share would swing to your side of the equation because of this.

      2. House: the house, it sounds like, is marital property. Depending on if you live in a state that is equitable distribution of property (equitable means fair, it does NOT mean equal) or a community property state, this might be different. But generally speaking, because you both are on the deed, you both are equal owners of the home. So, if you have the kids, many courts would think that it is him that should move out and you and the kids stay there.

      One of the big issues you have to figure out is whether you can afford the house as well. If you have been a homemaker for a number of years, it is possible that you will be able to get maintenance / spousal support / alimony (along with child support) because of your financial situations. But if being able to afford the house for you is difficult, it might be best for you and the kids to move somewhere more affordable and then have the property sold, refinanced, etc., to remove your name from any liability and to also get a portion of any equity that might need to be divided.

      Speak with an experienced divorce attorney that can get more details and provide you the help that you deserve!

  8. My husband was having an affair cause he wanted a child, i always suspected him but there was no proof until it got to a point where i had to contact a private investigator for assistance, i needed to know for sure and i got what i wanted, i saw that all my fears were actually true, he was cheating on me and i had to leave him

    1. This situation happens all too often and is a heart breaking situation for so many. There are ways that, even with the majority of states being “no-fault” states for divorce, he can possibly be made to pay for his actions. The process here is called “Dissipation.” Dissipation is where a spouse spends money “outside of the marriage.” For example: expensive vacations, presents, etc., on an extramarital affair.

      Dissipation can also occur in instances not related to infidelity, but in this instance, infidelity is where he may have pilfered savings accounts or income that was marital in nature. Dissipation, if proven, gets some of that money paid back to what we call the “marital estate”, and that increases the amount of assets that should shift in your direction during the divorce.
      Speak with an expert divorce lawyer to get the help you deserve!

    2. Carol M Rafferty

      I put a long message here the other night & it isn’t here. My situation was never believed & now, it’s way out of hand & my health is failing. The police finally started to pay attention. One said Prejudice & call the police in Mass.

  9. I ve been with my husband for 12 years 6 of those years married. My husband has cheated on me for years, I never catch him cheating but I sore it all through his phone then confronted him he admitted and said he sorry I even told his parents and they called us for a meeting and he apologized. The cheating didn’t stop but now he denies it even though I would show him his phone but now the worse thing is that my 4 year old daughter was playing with his phone and she came to me asking me mommy what is this and picture was his penis and I took the phone and deleted it and also sore pictures of woman naked,porns and deleted them as well. I spoke to him and he denied everything. My husband is a bread winner but I need to get out of this marriage before I I lose my mind. Please help.

  10. my husband cheated and made a baby after 18 years of marriage your house is in his name we have no kids together he had the house a year before we got married do he get to kick me out if i divorce him he also has not paid taxes in years the company is in his mom name how do i prove his income.

    1. It depends on the state you live in, whether you are in an “equitable distribution of property” state, or a “community property” state. It would be typical to consider the house “not marital property” since it was NOT “Acquired during the marriage.”
      However, the VAST majority of equity in the house is due to payments made on the house with funds that are marital in nature – money earned during the marriage (of which is equally owned by each of you – with exceptions!).
      You may have to move, eventually, as one of you can petition the court for “exclusive possession of the marital residence”, but the equity in the house should be split and divided somehow. Maybe that means he keeps the house, but he has to buy you out.

      So, the house is worth $200,000.00 with $50,000 owed. He put $5,000 down payment, and made a total of $130,000 in payments during the marriage. It is absolutely likely that at least $65,000 should be yours – possibly more, possibly less. It depends on a lot of factors. So keep that in mind and hire an experienced divorce attorney to fight for your rights!

  11. My husband cheated on me with a 15 year old girl and i moved out with our children os there any legal steps i can take?

    1. This is a crime, report it to the local police immediately. Not doing so can create significant issues for you as well and this type of behavior needs to be stopped and end with the most severe punishments the law allows.

  12. My husband has been cheating on me with not one but a whole lot of women caught him on his facebook him chatting with them and them sending him nudes i need help i dont have lots of money what canbi do i want out

  13. I’ve been married for 27 years , my husband has always been a cheater, I just caught him with his girlfriend, what are my rights.

  14. My husband had a baby with another woman… The baby was born yesterday. I WANT NOTHING MORE TO DO WITH HIM. He is incarcerated right now, can I serve him in jail for free in the state of Georgia or will I still have to pay?

  15. husband in the navy is cheating on me with a women that works on the same ship as him. can I prosecute him and her? he also refuses to give me part of the bah we get monthly. and refuses to give me back my belongings.

  16. I’ve been married over 20 years. My husband has cheated numerous times and now I want out. All I wan is divorce without giving up my resident and my rights to everything for being married for this amount of time.Any suggestions!!!!!!

  17. I think that divorce is an extreme measure. And before the divorce to try to mend relations, especially if there are children. And of course you need to get confirmation that to was adultery really. It was not a mistake.

    1. gale deangelis

      No, it’s not “extreme”. He betrayed you, broke his marital vows and broke your heart! You owe him NOTHING! Get out and try to eventually have a happy life without his rat-ass!

  18. I’ve been with my husband for 21 years 11 of those years married. He makes his living in unconventional ways and spends copious amounts of cash at local casinos. He also uses drugs and in the past five years has repeatedly cheated on me with various bag whores and dozens of Backpage Escorts. I have evidence of all the above. We have a five year old son we don’t own anything and my husband who only deals in cash has not filed his taxes for many years now. I live in California and I’m wondering if I can use his casino win/loss statements as his main income? If I can’t use casino statements it looks like he has nothing to give or take.

  19. What if im positive there is proof on his phone but i dont have the proof in my hands. Is there a way to make him show his records?

  20. My husband has cheated on me for years, but I never had proof until one of his mistresses who works with him husband tried contacting me and showed me calls he and her were making to each other and the times! He says he has asked on several occasions for my husband to stop and he would not! He has eight pages of phone calls and text messages from the two! I want out, but I don’t want to uproot my children from their school for my husbands infidelity, so I want him to continue to pay the mortgage and insurance as he has done and leave. We have a four yr old son and I have two daughters from a previous relationship. I desire no child support or alimony. Just pay the bills that he was paying without living with us. Do I have a legit case to win what I’m asking for?

    1. Well, in most states, bad behavior, such as a cheating spouse, has little if any impact on the direction of the divorce. However, if his actions are so egregious that it could disrupt your child’s growth, a judge could definitely move towards granting you residential custody. Keep in mind that what you are asking for basically is child support. however, what you are asking for is NOT child support, and therefore probably would not be ordered. Child support is meant for you to pay bills, buy food, etc. Keep in mind, as well, that you will no longer be covered by his insurance, you’ll need to get your own, but your child will be covered by insurance through his fathers employer. Give us a call and we can connect you with one of our local divorce attorneys!

  21. My husband keeps getting all these PORN Date sites popping up into his email then they are tossed on over to his spam folder!!! wemon are saying things like>”I sent you a pic of me”!!! or “Did you go to the website I told you too”?!!!

    So what I did today where it said LOGGIN I used his email and his password to simply LOG IN!!! and by my heart breaking supprise that PORN SITE let me LOG in!!! this means he is a member right? if I am right please email me at songwriterdebbie@gmail.com I am also on FACEBOOK sometimes I use my maiden name NICE because I get so pissst, please help me out here, his name is Michael John Herlein please help me to know ONLY THE TRUTH, All I ever wanted my whole ENTIRE life was some gentle kind man, to be whole heartedly in LOVE WITH ME BIG TIME, and to NOT CHEAT. I need answers NOW FIND OUT for me is he Cheating on me I want the truth.DAMIT

    1. Well, during a divorce process, an experienced divorce lawyer will fight to get you your share of the marital property (or in some states, community property) if that is a concern. Our nationwide network of attorneys will provide you with a consultation and let you know what you need to do to get what you deserve.

  22. Daisy (Lisa Kay) Coppedge

    I have MS; My Husband Of Nearly 12 years was caught cheating (By ME) I filed For a Divorce! I want Everything He owns (Past Present and Future) He’s POS! HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    1. Family Law Advice

      Hi Daisy, You are entitled to half of his estate but not everything. Please fill out the free evaluation form and have one of our attorneys explain how the process works.

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