To put it bluntly, the oath of marriage just does not mean anything to some people. While one spouse may not think anything of breaking their vows, the other spouse is usually devastated. In the end, both parties lose. Fox News Magazine did a recent article and found that over half of the married men and women admitted to cheating. It is estimated that cheating is the cause for close to 20 percent of all divorces.
Most couples are unable to recover from such dishonesty and end up in divorce. While the divorce settlement itself puts the legalities to rest, how is someone to move on from a cheating spouse? Somehow, the faithful spouse needs to come to terms with the reality of the situation. Your “spouse” was dishonest and took your trust for granted. The first step has already been taken in getting a divorce.
While moving on is what everyone will offer as advice, there is no need to move onto the next “relationship” very quickly. It will take time to heal these wounds, and most people are best served by taking it easy and regaining their trust in others. It may take time for this to happen or may even require outside assistance, such as a therapist or counselor.
As you do move forward, there is no need to “trash” your ex or continue to tell stories about what happened, especially if there are children involved. The past is the past and it is better to leave it lie than rehash it repeatedly. All this will do is continue to weigh on you and prevent you from being able to move on. Or, worse yet, those “untrusting” feelings could carry over into your next relationship.
Part of moving ahead in life is figuring out exactly what you need and want from a relationship before you get into another one. What caused the problems in the first marriage? Were you two drifting apart and you simply did not realize it? Were you being taken for granted? Were you taking your spouse for granted? Spend some time alone to figure out these things so the same challenges do not arise in the next relationship.
When you have it all figured out, then you can consider getting into a new relationship with a much better realization of what you need in order to be happy in a relationship. Take your time, get to you know your new potential partner, and do not be afraid to express your needs and wants if he or she wants to take the relationship to the next level.
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