In many cases, child custody battles are just that, battles. Digging in for battle can be a scary thought, but you need to keep your calm and realize this is something that unfortunately happens every day in family court. We have put together some tips to make this difficult time a bit more bearable for you.
Threats are only threats – it is not uncommon for one spouse to threaten to open up that closet and air all of your dirty laundry in court. Realize this, nobody is perfect! No attorney or judge expects you to come into the custody battle with an immaculate background. As long as there is no abuse or a history of putting the children at risk, you should be okay. Also, realize something else, your ex will have his or her own dirty laundry, so it is unlikely he or she will be willing to throw around allegations if they know the strategy could backfire.
Don’t be embarrassed – if there is one thing you can be assured of, it is that everyone in that courtroom has heard it all before, and probably far worse. Don’t withhold information from your attorney because you are embarrassed to tell him or her about. As we have said, this will not be the first time they have heard a story such as yours.
Draw on family and friends experiences – it may feel like you are the only person to have ever gone through this, but that could not be further from the truth. Obviously, people get divorced every day. In all likelihood, you have a friend or family member that has been through a heated custody battle. Sit down with them to discuss what happened and they can help prepare you for your own custody battle.
Support – touching again on the above point, your friends and family will be there for you, so lean on them. If you shy away from people because of the divorce and custody battle, you will bear the brunt of this emotional time on your own, which is not good. Take advantage of your support system to keep yourself balanced and “in the fight.”
Keep the children first – one mistake some parents make in the heat of a custody battle is to literally forget about their kids. You still need to be there for them. Actually, you need to be there for them more than ever now. You are not the only one going through this, as your kids are more than likely struggling with the fact that mom and dad are no longer going to be together and fully accessible to them all the time. In addition, focusing on them will take your mind of the divorce and may even lead to open up better communications and negotiations with your ex.
If you need legal help for your custody battle then please fill out the Free Family Evaluation Form.
i need help im a grandma my grangddaughter just was recently taken from me and my son she has lived with us up until five months ago when mom found neew boyfriend she is about to turn 3 her mother never was really mom she slept with me every night since birth . i have proof of the mother trying to take her own life numerous times ive been like a mother to her as well raised her since 14 yrs old she is currently 18 years old now my grandaughter called me mom she would never have baby if she moved out due to son and her breaking up she would leave baby with us to go party she has been shot her boyfriend has threatened to shoot my son has put so much threats on social media im so worried about the well being of my granddaughter there has been domestic relasions in home what to i do
Your son and/or you need to file for emergency custody (your son) and/or emergency guardianship (for you) of this child. You can’t wait. This has to be done immediately. Do whatever you have to do to get an attorney to file and fight for you in the next week. If you wait, the court will not believe that the situation is as serious as you claim because they’ll ask why you waited so long to bring it up in the first place. Timing is essential here. If you have to get a loan, a new credit card, sell a car that has too big of a car payment, whatever it takes – make it happen immediately.
Everything needs to be documented. Print out the social media posts and all other proof you mention and organize it. Make 3-copies of it all, and have it organized and neatly put together.
Document everything that you have done and your son has done for this child and do so in short, bullet point, dated, and organized notes.
Please don’t wait, you need to do this now. Literally every wee that passes without you filing lowers your chance of winning and saving this child from this abusive home. Get an experienced child custody lawyer now, and best of luck!
I’m 17 1/2 weeks pregnant. My ex is emotionally, verbally, mentally, and physically abusive but he has never hit me or bruised me. At one point I got a protection from abuse order but then later dropped it since he ended up sweet talking me and we tried to work on our relationship. He started being abusive again so I left. He has only come to two baby appointments which the second one I pretty much dragged him to. He refuses to go to any future baby appointments, talk about baby names and refuses to buy baby stuff until he gets a DNA test. He has an alcohol problem, smokes weed, runs drugs from a dealer to buyers, doesn’t have a stable place to live since he just got evicted and can’t even have a car seat in his truck since his truck doesn’t have a back seat. He is also suicidal off and on. He doesn’t want to pay child support and says he doesn’t have to since he said he will financially provide for baby once he know its his. I have repeatedly told him that he and his family can see baby whenever as long as I’m around since I’m breast feeding and don’t want to pump. I have concerns about him being alone with our child because of his mental health and him being abusive. He is mentally unstable; we think he is bipolar, and my dad is worried that my ex will end up murdering me if I start dating another guy. Yesterday he started to threaten to take my kid away from me because I told him that even his mom said to put him on child support. All of a sudden now he cares about his kid in order to not pay child support. I’m scared of him. I want to file for child support and sole custody with a two hour supervised visitation every week or every other week. What should I do?
Kristin, this sounds like a dangerous situation if not handled properly. This is exactly the type of case that an attorney is needed. We can connect you to one in your local area by filling out the form on our site. Otherwise, you may look into a local bar association and see if they can help you with legal aid. Keep in mind though – a free attorney will not be as aggressive as one you pay for. The child you have with him now should be dealt with first by filing a complaint to determine parentage and a petition for child support. Then when your next child is born, you should do the same thing. The judge will force him to get a full time job and support the kids, and you should also ask that he be given an emergency drug test so that the judge knows what is going on as well. If this is not done the right way, it can blow up in your face. Don’t leave it to chance, hire an experienced lawyer, it will be worth every penny in the long run, and be careful if he threatens you again, call 911!