Remember the War of the Roses? That movie may reflect reality more than you can possibly imagine, or perhaps not. Maybe you are stuck in the middle of a divorce that is getting uglier and uglier by the day. Know this… Nothing good will come from confronting your soon-to-be ex spouse and starting fights. If children are involved, you really need to find a way to get that temper under control and let go of all that anger that is buried inside of you.
The reality of divorce is that at least one person feels violated, confused, hurt, and angry. You gave your life to this person and they walk through the door one day and tell you it is over. If there is a cheating spouse, the hurt and anger will go even deeper. We are not saying it is easy, but we are saying if you want to win custody and/or have a fair settlement, you need to let it go.
The first thing you need to realize that being angry at the situation does not allow you to move on at all. “She needs to come back!” “I don’t understand why he is leaving when I gave him everything!” These are statements that come out of a victim’s mouth and you surely do not want to live your life like a victim. Divorces are difficult and stressful enough without adding “victim” to the equation.
What you need to do is move on. Become assertive with your emotions and put them to good use. You need to start to gain control over the situation. Of course, this is much easier said than done, especially when they come to pick up the kids for the first time or you see them sitting across the mediators table with a smirk on their face.
You cannot control what the other person is feeling or doing and the sooner you realize this, the sooner you will be able to move on. Also, keep in mind, any and all altercations during the divorce process are only going to hurt your case when it goes before a judge. If your wife walks into court with a restraining order against you and the kids tell the judge all the bad things daddy says about mommy, who do you think is going to get the house and the car?
Be smart. Regain your composure and let your divorce attorney handle your negotiations for you. A good divorce attorney will only work within your parameters and keep you informed every step of the way. Yes, eventually you will have to see them again, but you can do so with confidence knowing you are about to put that part of your life behind and start the next and better phase of your life.
